we're on a mission from god

wendy so i got that going darling

looks like i picked the wrong way to

quit sniffing blue light

of my life we enjoy your films

[Music]

welcome to vintage video where we'll be

reviewing every major film release of

the 1980s in real time

and again by real time i mean we'll be

watching movies on the 40th anniversary

of their official release in the united

states

i'm patrick o'reilly i'm jesse bayless

and i'm richard wells and today marks

the 40th anniversary of the release of

to

all a good night on january 30th 1980

it was written by alex rebar directed by

david hess

and was released by irc the most boring

name for a film release company

irc stands for intercontinental

releasing corporation

not not a front right i looked it up

this is

at least according to most websites the

first killer santa movie the first one

where the killer wears a santa costume

at some point

does this renowned uh film company make

anything else

irc i don't know i have a feeling they

made a lot of these probably

over the four months that they existed

as a company

you said it was intercontinental that's

what it was called so i feel like they

were like designed for

international release maybe just got

dubbed but i guess international was

already taken

as an irc maybe that explains why we can

only

find the spanish version of the trailer

um

there's really not much in the way of

production info online about this movie

either probably because it cost

almost nothing to make they shot it in

10 days at some house up in santa

barbara

the entire cast stayed in the house that

they shot it in for the entire

production makes sense

it gets a brief mention and only the

most thorough slasher review sites

because it did technically predate a

slew of

higher profile slasher films in the

early 80s but it doesn't really stand up

to many of them i would say

it also borrows from its predecessors

heavily which in this case i would say

is bob clark's um

black christmas and uh i thought this

was after

a house on sorority row but apparently

this is before that

because that was like 84. and the guy

who wrote that

says he wrote it this year so i feel

like he might have just watched this

movie and been like i'm going to write a

better version of this movie

um but yeah so that happened but black

christmas

it's also like a sorority being attacked

right someone on christmas

if you take out all the christmas stuff

but it's basically the same plot as

house on sorority row

it's just not not a christmassy movie

well yeah this movie had very little to

do with christmas

i mean other than the the santa costume

and it's technically on

christmas vacation right for the school

but other than that there's not

there's not a lot to it right well i

don't i don't think they're ever really

clear

about like the loca do they say the

location that this happens

they don't like state wise you mean well

yeah like like

i don't recall at the beginning of the

movie they're not just like hey we're in

florida you know they don't actually say

where they are but it's clearly

somewhere that doesn't

look very christmassy and wintery like

this this is clearly

like somewhere tropical somewhere i

assumed it was

coastal uh coastal state some either

either

northeast or california yeah but they

never say explicitly

they uh but if you're gonna make a

killer santa movie

that's supposed to happen on christmas

wouldn't you pick a snowy place

and not some somewhere like california

or florida or wherever the hell this

takes place

because blood on the snow looks great

that's such a great image

but um it's obviously much cheaper to

just shoot it at a house

down the street from your house in santa

barbara

[Laughter]

we opened at the calvin finishing school

for girls

christmas vacation two years ago which

the reasoning for

two years ago is will come into play

later

i think um we start with the very waxy

flashback you know that yeah that

terrible look that they used to do for

flashbacks

it has like it it's almost like an irish

shot but instead of just an iris it's uh

they just

swirl like petroleum jelly on a piece of

glass to make it look

foggy um and it's just a bunch of girls

chasing one of their sorority sisters to

the top of a building and then off of

a balcony luckily just before she falls

off the balcony she throws a

fake version of herself off instead yeah

a very very bad dummy hits the ground

um and we start this two note

horror score that actually follows

through the whole rest of the movie

is just and the amazing establishing

shot of these dormitories establishing

shots

yeah which is also the poster and cover

box for the movie but of course

it appears in the movie like 90 times

over the course

yeah i think we need to go back and like

you know keep keep a running tally of

how many times the shot

i've thought about it and then i

realized that it's a lot of work there

was a there was a there was a fair

attention to detail where they changed

the color timing slightly

on a couple of the establishing shots

yeah they did

try to make it look like morning or like

evening but it's all clearly the same

footage

the same bird is dying halfway across

the shot

the the flashing lights like only it's

weirdly only half of the the flashing

lights over the door

seem to flash right it's christmas it's

christmas that's that's what you do

that's why

you put you put christmas lights up and

only half of them work

so after we see this girl die we get the

words to all a good night

show up which part of why i had such a

hard time finding a copy of this for us

to watch is because for some reason good

night is all one word i feel like it

should be two words

but it's all one word and the o's are

linked for some reason yeah i i was

looking at that

recently on the cover box i was like why

are the o's hoop together

i must i mean it was 1980 there was an

olympics that year right

someone was inspired i don't know

but only representing two right and

we're introduced to each of the girls

very rapidly

um but the only one that makes an

impression is the girl who will go on to

be the main character of this movie

nancy played by jennifer runyon who i

think is

the famous person from this movie is she

the main character

i felt like she was i mean isn't in any

of these like slasher movies like

the virgin girl who everyone's making

fun of is supposed to be like

the the one you identify with yeah

yeah so i would say she's the main

character of this well but we don't

introduce her for

quite a long time well at the very

beginning when everyone's leaving the

school to get ready for christmas she's

handing her cat to someone

oh she's the one with the cat she's the

one with the cat yeah

um this is actually her first movie and

i would say that most people know her

from ghostbusters where she played

jennifer who is able to guess

what the what pete venkman's zener cards

say on them

she's the one who says is it a star

it is a star very good that's great you

can't see these can you

you're not cheating me are you um after

this movie she did a lot of tv stuff

up until another movie in 1984 called

up the creek where she played the love

interest at tim matheson

and it looks from the cover box to be

like a college comedy

based around rafting like

competitive rafting or something like

that we'll get there

um and then after ghostbusters she was

in

uh john schlesinger's falcon in the

snowman in 85.

she was in 18 again with george burns in

88 wait i'm sorry take it back

falcon and the snow i think they're

spies or something like that

okay so these are like code names yeah

so this isn't an unofficial smoking in

the band this is not an animated film

snowman

no um and then she had guest appearances

on like all the major

um series at the time charles in charge

who's the boss

magnum quantum murder she wrote

um and apparently she came back in 93 to

appear in carnosaur with diane ladd do

you remember carnosaur

you know it sounds familiar i bet i

would recognize it if i saw the art

i remember it because um my dad took us

up to our grandpa's cabin and he had it

on vhs and that was like all we wanted

to do was watch this carnosaur movie

because at the time i was obsessed with

jurassic park it was the same year as

jurassic park and this was just like

you know the transmorphers version of

jurassic park yeah i uh

i do not recognize it based on the art

no but it's got diane ladd

and it's got uh jennifer runyon actually

returned to her

killer santa film roots uh recently in

2015 she was in silent night bloody

night 2.

oh so she's another christmas or her

imdb pages bookended with

killer santas the director for this

should be noted this is one of two

directing credits

the other is a short form documentary

about steel drums

so this is his only like narrative film

that he made

um which was first uh i don't know

actually i think that was after i think

this was first

this was on the heels of his appearance

in

um as the villain of last house on the

left

okay um and uh

that was just before this and then he

did this probably

from the star power of that um

he also appeared in swamp thing in 82

and armed and dangerous that john candy

movie

um but most of his credits are acting

after that although he does have

sound credits yeah he was a composer

yeah

um most of it is because he wrote the

music for

uh last last house on the left i almost

called it last podcast on the left

because that's a great podcast you

should all check out but don't skip this

one or anything

um but last house on the left he did all

the music for that and the music

from that movie like i think eli roth

used like three songs

from it in cabin fever and then

tarantino used one in hateful eight

well and he just uh so in addition to

composing those songs like he was

like like a songwriter for like music

like radio music

yeah so but me and him are both credited

and hateful eight

but his name's spelled right though

[Music]

and the writer here alex rebar he

doesn't really have a lot

outside of this film it's mostly acting

again um he did write a tv movie sequel

to the amityville horror which is the

fourth installment i forget what it was

called

he's an important component in building

a wall out of concrete yes

you can't do it without rebar

it's just a mistake you can cut that

joke out no that's getting

repeated um so

all the girls that aren't they don't

have anywhere to stay for christmas

go back into the school and just stay

there for christmas

is it is it that they don't have

anywhere to stay or is the plan all

along to get their boyfriends to come up

and

and have a wild i think that's the plan

some of them planned that

but i don't think that was always the

plan and i definitely don't think that

nancy was a part of that plan because

she seems surprised by the news that

someone's going to visit not only are

they she was surprised by it but they

didn't

they didn't bring a guy for her right

yes and there was a guy

and they were like no you stay here with

the plane right there was

[Music]

yeah so they yeah exactly because

they're a bunch of like

kennedy kids well yeah they have a

private plane

yeah um which did not

run well for the kennedy kids it turns

out the private planes

um mrs jensen is the name of the woman

who is like

left in charge of the girls and she's

made them a stew and some cherry pie

we get a quick shot of a note on a desk

that says the following girls are

staying for

vacation and it has six girls names on

it

um who are the six girls that are like

the main characters of this

story and then rather than crossing them

off one at a time as they get killed we

just see

like a figure scribble the whole list

out in like a big red pen

i was like oh i thought we were gonna

like kill bill this but we're just

yeah they all should die

oh don't forget there's one other person

who's staying at the house

right the groundskeeper slash

houseplant trimmer yeah he's uh he's a

creepy guy

i don't know i kind of like ralph well

yeah i think he's supposed to be like

adorable like

mentally handicapped groundskeeper guy

um

he's waiting for the to see the rabbits

or something right yeah

yeah but after the names get crossed off

on the list there's a picture of the

girl

who fell off the balcony and that's

where we're flash cutting back and forth

from the picture of the girl

on the desk to the girl falling apart so

we're getting that flash of the

face that you were talking about um and

so

the indication is that whoever is here

is in somehow

like related to that girl that was

thrown off the balcony right well that's

a really

it's just a really cheesy moment like in

case you forgot

the scene that happened like five

minutes ago we're gonna flash this face

over top of the girl falling

well i know pictures also in the rest of

the movie just sitting on the desk that

it was

well i i think the reason for that is

because i would have had

no idea because i did not get a good

look at her face

seconds before she fell off because i

didn't expect i do get kind of a slow-mo

close-up but

once they flash to the present you're

gonna be like okay which of these girls

says that i have no idea they all look

the same yeah yeah and it's only been

two years i was like

it's like are these the same girls even

from the two years ago i don't know

right and looking back now there were a

couple that were in common but there are

a couple that are missing

as she's cooking everything she she

comes into

this dining room area and sets all the

food down and tells the girls that

mrs calvin who runs mrs calvin's school

for girls

or whatever this place is um will be

back in a couple of days

which they they mention that like three

or four times over the course of the

movie i kept waiting for that to pay off

so hold on so she so she's like managing

sh is she like you know like pitch

hitting here she's not

normally there is she i think she's a

school administrator

okay because i got the sense that she's

normally there yeah like this isn't like

she's a

she's new to this house or anything no

mrs jensen's there full-time i think i

don't think this house

is the school i think that this house is

the dormitory because at the beginning

when everyone's leaving they keep

talking about um

uh breakfast will be served in lunchroom

b instead of lunchroom c

stuff like that i was like wait are

there multiple places to eat

yeah that was weird that there was a big

pa system on the house anyway

i was just getting like airplane

flashbacks yeah so

uh so i think that this is just the dorm

of this school maybe it is and she's

just the house mother

of of the dorm and she's been left in

charge of

all the stragglers that didn't find

somewhere to be because she doesn't have

any family and isn't important

um but yeah so uh

cynthia the sixth of the girls is the

only one that's not sitting around the

table they're like oh she went to her

room because she was tired

and then we see cynthia like dressed in

a nightie looking out the window trying

to get her boyfriend's attention

um or no he's trying to get her

attention he's like shouting to her from

outside

and she just immediately takes off all

of her clothes to change into different

clothes

so that she can meet her boyfriend why

did you put the nightie on in the first

place

if that wasn't for him was that just was

that comfortable to sleep in

but um before she can get outside he

just gets stabbed to death by

a figure that we don't see much of um

and then

she immediately runs out the front door

to try and find him and get stabbed

herself in the parking lot

and it's one of those shots where she's

running directly towards camera going

oh where are you peter where and then

suddenly she's getting stabbed by

someone who she should have seen from 20

feet away

but it's pretty impressive that we're

only like maybe

seven or eight minutes into the movie

and already two people are dead

yeah especially since there's really

only six girls so we already took care

of

one of them and her boyfriend so we're

down to five

the girls that are left are nancy i said

before was uh jennifer runyon

um who's like the virgin character that

uh

after this happens she even though she's

sitting the furthest from the windows

she's like in the middle of two people

sitting at the table she just goes

what was that i think i saw something

happen outside and they're all you're

crazy

i know i saw it

i think but it's like you're sitting at

the middle of the table and the windows

are all covered in curtains like there's

no way you saw anything happen outside

but it's the beginning of everyone

chastising her for being silly and

paranoid

um there's the free-spirited character

named leia

and she seems like she's based on like

an annie hall type character

or maybe a combination of two characters

from 77 because she's like

annie hall and princess leia this is the

one with the weird

like jungle-esque room like

this whole house is littered with plants

like ivy that

grows especially fast well this is why

ralph just gets to wander around

with like a giant cheers everywhere he

goes

so she goes back up to her room to get

she says she's going to get drugs

because her plan is to literally drug

mrs jensen

so they can go meet their boyfriends and

then she's going to get chanel because

one of the other girls was like oh can

you get my perfume or whatever

right um so she goes up to her room and

as she's leaving

this giant you know lenny from mice and

men

comes barging in with a big pair of

shears right and

he's wearing like a like a like a red

thermal

shirt just to make him a little bit more

sandy

and uh and he just tells her he's there

to like trim the plants basically

he doesn't knock either he just yes he

enters

this is this is a dorm for girls so you

think at least

you would knock um and the girls

all laugh at ralph before he even leaves

the room like he follows her down to the

dinner table

and they're all just like oh what a

silly weird guy like just laughing at

him while he's still in the room

i think he used to be a gargoyle on the

south side of notre dame

which it's like it's not the only time

that it happens it becomes a recurring

thing

they're insulting people who are

literally still standing yeah

so ralph goes into the kitchen with uh

mrs jensen

and there's also this other woman there

who her name is

tina ranzoni and she shows up to the

kitchen

with mrs jensen and ralph and she

complains about a heart condition

that she has like oh my heart's messed

up and i need a better heart

um and here's some cannoli put this in

the refrigerator to ralph and he puts it

in the refrigerator but

i have no idea what the point of this

character is there is none there's

there's literally no but she's not even

a red herring because like her story

doesn't make any sense

but she says i'm gonna die we all gotta

die

i know i'm gonna die death is no

stranger to me

i buried three husbands

so you think that's so bad after the

third one it's

just a piece of cake this woman looks

like she's like

35 maybe i don't know why she would have

three dead husbands already i mean was

just saying that you've you've

have three dead husbands is that

supposed to be the the red herring

because

she literally never comes back for the

entire movie

i don't know what the connection would

be between her having dead husbands and

a weak heart

unless she's like killing people and

cutting their hearts out and doing a

surgery

on her own like i don't understand the

point of it but but we knew we do know

why she was in the movie

yes we do know why she was there which

is that she's married to david has the

director of the film

but i don't understand the point of this

character if you were gonna have her be

in the movie just have her be

someone that served a purpose to the

story because she just hands off the

cannoli

and uh on her way out of the building

while ralph is still in the room she

says i don't know how you stand that big

gazak around here he gives me the creeps

while he's still standing there and then

uh uh

leia walks in to get something out of

the refrigerator and

so while one of the girls from the

school is still there she says

you shouldn't be working here ruth with

all those rich little

pompous living out here in the

middle of nowhere

the ladies like ripping on this girl

that's standing right there next to the

refrigerator so they they drug mrs

jensen and mrs ranzoni just leaves

and they what they try to like make it

off like they're being like really nice

they're like oh we're gonna do the

dishes and we're gonna take care of you

and let me get you a nice warm glass of

milk and they're like being so sweet

just to drug her i mean this seems like

really

really awful yeah and then the first

thing that she does when she's been

quote unquote drugged i'm gonna go do

some sewing on my sewing machine

yeah or

can you go to sleep now so we can go

find a you know plane full of horny

santas

yeah and then uh so he she says oh miss

jensen's asleep

she's going to be asleep for 12 hours

that'll be plenty of time for us

it's like these aren't like trained

anesthesiologists they could have killed

this one and they have no idea

but um one of them weirdly says i wonder

what she dreams of

just like i don't know what you're

talking about do we want to talk about

her fantasies all of a sudden

um oh i realized at this point that uh

jennifer runyon's character nancy

reminds me a lot of woody's girlfriend

on cheers

cause she's like also like pure as the

driven snow type character

i was like maybe that was jennifer

runyan on that show but they and they do

look alike but it's not it's not the

same girl from cheers

um so nancy is elected to give mrs

jensen the drugged milk which she

willingly goes along with the plan um

and there's a picture of the dead girl

from the intro to the movie just hanging

on the wall above the sewing machine

while she's sitting there

to sew with her drugged milk

then we get a lot of really inexcusably

bad day for night

as the girls are approaching the plane

that their boyfriends flew in that was

rough it was

that's pretty rough they all have

flashlights i think only half of them

are turned on

and it's just blatantly different hard

everywhere

but then ralph shows up yeah nancy runs

into ralph and tells her for the first

of like

several times to just be safe

and gives her a flashlight because she

didn't have one for some reason

the moon's so bright you need something

to block the sun

here take this um

so yeah the the plane lands and it has a

boy for every girl except for nancy

um and the pilot says oh i'll come in

and tj says no you stay with the plane

even though he's seems like he's close

enough to their ages

uh jennifer runyon didn't know this when

they were shooting she found out after

the film

but the actor playing the pilot here who

is credited as dan striker in the film

is actually actor harry reames

does that ring a bell i got nothing no

nothing

um he was an uncredited discotheque

patron

in klute i do know clute but i don't

recall the

uncredited disco page okay we're gonna

have to rewatch it then it's a very

huge part no um he is

as the name harry reims might suggest

he's a prolific porn actor

who has made appearances in as dr young

in deep throat

and dr jason in deep throat 2.

he was also mark in a movie called

sometimes sweet susan

oh mark do you remember sometimes do you

remember sometimes

sometimes sweet susan is the movie that

travis bickle

takes civil shepherd to on their date in

taxi driver

because he doesn't know that that's

weird i don't like these movies

well i mean i you know i didn't know

that you you'd feel that way about

this movie i don't know much about

movies but if i understand what we

should go to

well yeah i mean i come and they this is

not so bad

but i and i just had to include this

here um

his the highest the most recent project

that he did is called

asses to asses and lust to lust

[Laughter]

so so why is it that jennifer runyon

didn't know this

because everyone was using different

names at the time he was he was using

the name dan striker there's a lot of

people

um bill martin is for some reason

credited as bill martin's i don't know

if that was just a screw-up or if he was

like

you know what'll throw him off put an s

on there

pluralize myself uh there's a there's an

actor whose imdb page says he's west

buchanan but he was credited as buck

west

and kieva lawrence who plays miss jensen

is credited as katherine harrington

so it seems like nobody wanted to use

their real names on this movie

more like red harrington red harrington

that should have been

that doesn't matter that's a guy's name

really unless you're

red-haired then it's a nickname not

really a name

well i'm uh i have to admit that i'm

looking at the wikipedia page and

trying to follow along with your story

points in the broad strokes that

wikipedia paints

are like sam and blake

have sex on the parlor and then uh

but it ends like this whole paragraph

ends on

alex in her bedroom gives him a hand job

but hand job is uh a hyperlinked text

oh wikipedia in case you're curious what

that means

this is like okay thank you wikipedia

well it's just like why choose that to

hyperlink like

groundskeeper isn't hyperlinked uh i

think we know why

the same reason that that person

bothered to fill out a wikipedia page

for this movie

but yeah so tj tells the pilot you stay

here and the pilot just

sleeps on the ground next to the plane

for like three days you sleep

in the plane at least he doesn't even

let him come into the house he's like

not only can you not hang out with us

you're gonna sleep on the ground out

here

this is that's what my dad pays you for

i bet at least one of them threw up on

the plane and it stinks terribly yeah

maybe well it's also just a really tiny

private plane there might not be enough

floor space to lay down

um we go back into the house and there's

a guy playing the worst

song i've ever heard

running only makes you see running

only makes you see your answer well one

of them pretends to really like it

though

yeah there's one girl that's completely

infatuated with it someone wearing a

santa suit takes shears out of a garden

shed

and we realize things are going to

happen already

trisha goes to the

kitchen to get something and sees

someone wearing a santa costume

and thinks it's her boyfriend until

santa slits her throat well yeah because

all of the guys showed up in santa suits

right and then ralph surprises nancy

again

and warns her of evil again

like you do you know be safe

and then finally trisha's boyfriend

eventually realizes that she has left

the room and shuffled off this mortal

coil

and he says where's trisha and then

someone says maybe she left you

and then he has this really weird line

delivery and he goes with my

charm new

chill

and everyone cracks up like it's the

funniest thing they've ever heard

but he seems like he's doing like a

butler accident for some reason

um so he goes to look for her

um meanwhile tj surprises

leia in her room the one that's

overflowing with plants

the room not leia right yeah

they're both overflowing with plants um

and then tom finds

i couldn't tell if it was actually

tricia or not he finds a body in the

incinerator

out on the porch i think it was i think

okay i'm pretty sure it would it would

make sense just logically that he would

find his own girlfriend but it could

have been the girl from earlier i didn't

get a good look at the face

and then he gets attacked he's

immediately attacked by santa

with a rock yeah yeah but then out of

nowhere he had a bat

like he wasn't armed when he went out

there but suddenly he had a bat

and hit santa a couple times real good

you're outside at a girl's school

you're bound to find a bat laying around

sure

why not um but yeah so santa

kind of disables him with a rock to the

head and then picks up a bigger rock

and literally just crushes his skull to

the point that the rock breaks in half

yeah the rock snaps in half

you hit him so hard in the skull well

they say we

are occasionally intercut with burial

scenes yeah right here we get a shot of

santa like neatly tucking the dirt over

four graves in the in the day for night

field

and uh i don't know why he he or she

would waste this time

yeah why are we taking time i mean

digging have you ever dug a hole for a

body

oh yeah it takes a really long time

especially out in the wilderness where

there's just

layers of layers of tree roots and

things to get through first

yeah and large rocks apparently melody

uh who i think is the one that's talking

with a british accent

drags the nerdy guy uh upstairs

for a an advanced course in relativity

she says

because she's just they're just trying

to playing up that he's the nerdlinger

well he's really hesitant like this is a

this is like feels like a

like a really rapey moment honestly like

she is

really attacking him yeah but so now the

only two people that are left are the

guitarist

and the girl that was interested in the

guitarist

so they just start making out on the

floor in the common room

which is making her uncomfortable making

me uncomfortable but everybody else is

already paired off

they were laying on a bear they were

there's like a giant bear head right in

front of the camera

so everyone's having sex except for

nancy who's just wandering the grounds

other than the dead people

[Laughter]

so there's now of the six girls two of

them are dead

two of the boyfriends are dead there's

four girls left

three of them are having sex and nancy's

just wandering around

she's listening to leah have sex yeah

she's listening to a few people

yeah well she thought she heard screams

but they were of course screams of

ecstasy yes um we see we see leia

dancing with a platter of food and

singing

until tj grabs her they're being very

strange in her room

uh oh yeah they're like like

role-playing weirdness

yeah she puts these the goggles on his

head that i think he was wearing when he

was flying the plane

and uh then he goes he asks for her to

get him a drink and he goes to like

swing his glass to the nightstand

and shatters it like you could see it

breaking off camera and falling apart

uh when does the the suit of armor come

to life

that's right right around here right in

the room with the bear rug is

conveniently

a big suit of armor and and it's really

crossbow right right well there's

there's um

yeah so she that that's the room where

she hears the

the voices from and uh so she's just

sitting outside their room drinking

milk and she can hear them having sex

and

uh right after she leaves the plate male

armor comes to life

and fires a crossbow through the guy's

head i just want to know how

long that person was in that suit of

armor to hold still for a really long

time in there because they were all

like the room that they're in the common

room that they were in was the room that

all of the people were in until they

started splitting off so like they've

been in there for hours

yeah um so yeah he he shoots the guy in

the back of the head and the arrow comes

out of his mouth

and then the girl starts to run away and

he chops her head off with the battle

axe

so jim the guitarist character

who had the crossbow through his mouth

was also a pa on this movie

he was a stunt man assuming he just did

all his own stunts

and also he was a set constructor on top

of playing a main character in the film

so now uh what luck

ralph bursts into nancy's room in the

middle of the night it warns her

about the evil again and demands that

she pray

you must pray pray so the devil won't

claim you for one of his own

out of all of them you're the only one

and she considers this like

a sweet gesture he cares about me like

oh he's

oh he's a man of the lord he's so nice

to warn me about evil and break into my

room at night

and then santa buries more bodies under

the moon um but for some reason keeps

the head of that girl in a bucket

instead of burying it with the rest of

her

um uh the british girl melody is still

seducing the nerd upstairs

like half the people are dead and we

were only like 30 minutes into this

movie

and i i was like okay either this

story's gonna wrap up by the morning

because it doesn't make any sense for

this to be like a two day movie

but then suddenly it's just the next day

and people are sitting around the table

eating breakfast outside

um everyone just assumes all the dead

people went somewhere else

they did just like oh they must have

gone and not said anything

to us it's like why would they do that

we had everything planned here

and the plane's still there and they had

to make up some you know

you know weird story for the house

mother to be like oh their plane broke

down so we have to keep these guys here

yeah she's like but it's against the

rules and you're like well all right

we'll let them stay

so now um the the the nerd alex and

melody have

have had sex he's less awkward around

her i guess and starts chasing her

around in the yard

um and then suddenly just immediately

turns and starts chasing nancy

like yeah even though his girlfriend is

still running away from him he turns

around and starts like making these

weird grunting noises to chase nancy

i know they literally just trip over a

dead body

but it's great when she trips over him

he like he steps up

yeah like i'm not sure about the physics

of how that's

he springs forward like a motion

activated halloween decoration but he's

just like

with a screaming face and blood dripping

all over him and

very clearly dead and then we cut

immediately to the cops there

i was like is this story like wrapping

up i don't understand why it's

broke up this way um we have like a

colombo moment

yeah yeah he is very colombo this cop

that shows up

but um he also he has this weird line he

says thanks for your help but from the

way kramer was found

it's obvious what happened or he

actually messes up the line he says

it's obvious he what happened it's

obvious he

what happened what does that what does

that mean from the way he was found

it's obvious what happened yeah he was

murdered

like that's that's the that's the

implication it's like it's obvious that

he was murdered

he didn't just die of a heart attack

there um and while he's trying to like

comfort nancy he like

holds her face oh so creepy very long

time it was so creepy um we should

mention

well while he's holding on to her face

it's revealed

that his name is detective polanski

right

or chief polanski chief polanski i was

like mr polanski can you stop holding

that girl's face please

that's right he says he's been a cop all

his life that he's the chief of police

here for almost a year and he's never

had a case he couldn't figure out a

whole year

you're like 10 months in and you haven't

you haven't not solved any cases in this

tiny town with no murders that's that's

impressive

and then he's like he's said like

specifically we've gone over this house

with a fine-tooth coat yeah they haven't

found anything

you haven't found anything you went over

every little freshly dug graves or

like buckets of heads or no girls and

incinerators like just nothing

yeah and while he's caressing

nancy's face sitting at the chair he

says

about ralph he tells her well you know

he spent time in a mental hospital

two accounts of armed robbery which i

think he meant two counts of armed

robbery but he said

that's two accounts of armed robbery he

spent time in a mental hospital

two accounts of armed robbery assault

with a deadly weapon

and mrs jensen just nods through all of

this like she isn't surprised and he's

just wandering into their rooms

constantly sometimes while they're

asleep

well you know that three strikes law he

wouldn't do it a third time

it's really weird he let's go over face

and the cop looks directly at the floor

and says

if anything comes up

or you find anything important give me a

call

like very monotone and not to anyone in

the room just at the ground

and then he says bye ruth without

looking at her and walks out

like he clearly has some kind of a

relationship with the woman who's like

mrs jensen is ruth yeah um and it's just

very strange for that

all of a sudden um he tells them to be

very careful and to lock up

all the doors at night because they're

still a murderer he wanted his two goons

like his two police goon guys to like

stand

guard that night at the house and

absolutely not have sex with the teenage

girls right

it's also just really weird like i don't

think a chief of police would say

you know what a whole bunch of people

were murdered here i think what's best

is for

all of you to stay in this why don't i

go

i'll leave i'll leave two guys outside

the door and you'll be fine

yeah and there's some weird implications

by this whole

point too but um alex says that he

thinks that

everyone that's missing was killed and

then one of the other kids says

well who are you sherlock holmes and he

has this really weird line he says

i wish i was then i wouldn't be so

preoccupied for my life

what i don't remember that line i feel

like

someone just had i wouldn't be so

worried for my life and they were like

what's another word for worry that

doesn't really fit this sentence

but yeah so the chief leaves two of

these cops there and reminds them not to

have sex with any children

which is rich coming from officer

polanski

um nancy and alex tell mrs jensen that

they think they're in danger

danger and then uh and and they

literally have to explain to her even

after the cops said all this in the room

ralph was murdered the man who murdered

him could still be around

oh dear

that must be why the chief left the

policeman here what

was the last scene for if it wasn't to

give you all that information

um then everyone sits down for dinner

including one of the two cops that's

supposed to be on patrol

um and the other one says he's gonna go

to sleep

[Laughter]

so these are the people that are hired

to protect them one of them is going to

sit down and eat

um and then leia or leah

i don't know how to pronounce it um she

decides she's going to lead the cop that

wants to go to sleep to

his room and just takes him up to her

room

even though like two scenes ago she was

literally saying i think i'm gonna marry

tj

he's so great and now she's like well

she meant he's so rich

yeah but then she just wants to have sex

with this 40 year old cop that's making

like nothing to like guard a school yeah

also

really gross yeah they're both pretty

gross guys

and then but at this point melody

is now latching on to tj since he's now

over right

because she can see that that he's

feeling neglected

leah goes to take a shower in the same

room where she told the cop to sleep

um and then tj gets suspicious so he

follows her

up to the room and catches her cheating

with the cop but just

doesn't care like he literally smiles

when he's turning around he's just like

perfect now i could go get with melody

and we're totally good with this yeah

so um alex and nancy are exploring the

house to make sure everything's locked

up

and the comp that's still outside is

immediately killed by santa

so now we're down to the one cop that's

in leah's room

that's protecting them from anybody

until the morning presumably when the

when the chief of police will come back

for whatever reason yeah they already

went over the place they found

nothing tj takes melody outside because

he's like oh well

they have cops so we're totally safe we

can go wherever we want but he said to

lock up but he was just kind of joking

we could just do whatever we want

she's hesitant but he says oh relax

i have five years of karate i'm a black

belt

nobody gonna mess around with this boy

[Laughter]

and then there's another weird line here

where's tj and melody

oh knowing tj they're somewhere

knowing physics they exist yeah i can't

tell you how fast they're going but i

can tell you exactly where they are

but i don't see them so they both do and

do not exist

schrodinger's two-dimensional characters

um so leah after she has now

presumably had sex with the officer that

was staying with them goes to take

a post-coital shower and finds her

friend

sam's head that the knight chopped off

impaled on the showerhead

for some reason but what a missed

opportunity for her to like turn the

showerhead

yeah turn the water on first like she's

not looking and the water's just gushing

out of the mouth

i feel like that might have been in the

script and they just couldn't like they

didn't have the prosthetics weren't

working budget to make that sort of that

honestly that would have made this whole

movie

this would be a bigger cult cult piece

if it had that scene

um but she just starts screaming and the

cop comes busting in

but didn't clear any of the rooms on his

way because he's immediately getting

killed by another santa

um but then yeah leah

is then approached by the killer santa

and she's scream she's naked

and screaming and screaming and we kind

of cut away

so we just okay well we'll see her dead

body

somewhere else whoever this deranged

santa is already crossed off a list of

all these girls names

and this one's like the most obnoxious

of all the girls so if the person's just

out to kill everyone

who is obnoxious this girl is definitely

gonna get killed

so that happens that cop has a knife in

his back he's dead on the bathroom floor

um and then tj and melody are about to

make out by a tree outside

when suddenly he gets hung by like this

thin metal wire yeah like piano wire

yeah

garat wire i guess yeah it's like

basically and he gets pulled up into a

tree and he's just

choking and she's screaming and runs to

the house because she can't get him down

i have to say this was the only time

that i that i responded to

an attack it looks really brutal because

this was like and i just got him i was

like oh

dang um like that's the kind of thing

where you're like

how long have you been in that tree well

it's also another opportunity to

christmas theme it you know do christmas

lights or something

don't just strangle them with a random

wire you're just stabbing people and

strangling people with murderers

like an ornament in the tree yeah sure

anything

there's a lot of choices um so

they uh melody runs back to the house

screaming because tj just got killed

so now we're basically down to melody

the british girl

um alex the nerd and

nancy nancy and they run up to the

bathroom upstairs and realize that

flaya is also alive um that somehow her

screaming prevented her from getting

murdered on the floor of the shower like

the santa just turned around and walked

away

she's like that character and the

frightener so you can't every time you

hear

a woman screaming just goes oh oh oh god

i'm sorry this just got really real

oh i have a daughter i can't do this

i had one um but uh presumably what

happened is

the the santa like stabbed her right on

the brainstem because she's gotten

completely bananas now she's just like

spinning dancing covered in blood

floating around being a weirdo

i'm so crazy yeah she's clearly had a

panic attack and it's just being

nuts alex says you know what i'm gonna

call the police

good idea even though there should be a

couple around here somewhere right

but um so he goes to call the police and

right as he

telephones the police we see outside

santa's glove grab the wire coming out

of the building and cut it with a pair

of shears

so it's like oh there goes they can't

call the police now i feel like we

should have done that a little earlier

saying yeah they should have been first

on your

on your naughty list um

so yeah uh then while they're all

standing in the living room next to the

christmas tree

just out of nowhere again santa comes to

attack melody

and melody just turns tail and runs past

him out of the house

into the yard um and then

santa takes off the mask to reveal that

it's mrs jensen

what oh it's like a scooby-doo episode

where there's one other person that

we've seen

that's still alive yeah and uh she's the

mother of the woman

or the the girl that was pushed off the

balcony and the prank

in the cold open um and she corners

nancy

and nancy the whole time is trying to

explain to her that she wasn't even at

the school two years ago so she

shouldn't

like not that it's okay to murder all of

us but you know i wasn't even a part of

that

i didn't go here yet why wasn't the

story about those girls

yeah right why wasn't this a revenge

story against them specifically

yeah also why did you have to do it

during the christmas break just

kill them when you have your

opportunities over the course of the

semester

yeah um but so

uh while she's running away from mrs

jensen uh nancy goes and hides under a

bed

meanwhile melody gets to the plane where

the pilot has been sleeping for three

days

um and she says we to get out of here

right now and he's like oh well then

i'll fix the plane that it's been broken

for

this whole time was it actually broken

that wasn't just a story to get the guys

i think he literally was fixing it when

he stood up he he leans into the engine

in action otherwise they would have gone

right previous that next morning yeah

like you know before

the house mom woke up but then as soon

as he gets it fixed they realize that

santa's already in the plane

and he turns the ignition to start the

plane and they're standing right next to

the prop so um

the pilot just gets chopped and his

brains and blood

turn all over the airplane uh uh

just like there's no powering up of the

propeller just

immediately on full speed yeah well how

else are you going to chop somebody's

head up

that's a that's that's what's so great

about the scene in raiders lost art with

the plane

slowly rotating around it's just like he

keeps trying to run away but the plane's

slowly turning

and you're always watching and you're

just like oh god oh god it's gonna hit

him but this one it's like you don't

even see him before

he's like oh he's up at the controls

maybe i should take

an inch step backwards it's almost as if

the engine exploded

yeah and just blew their guts forward

yeah

um so now back at the house

santa is following nancy around the

house but for some reason

instead of just surprising her with a

knife now she's

whispering nancy i'm coming for you

everywhere she goes so that nancy can

very easily follow where she is

she also outpaces and overpowers santa

at every confrontation

which is which is weird because like

definitely

we've had other struggles right

throughout here where we're like where

this

this santa is more rock fight was comes

to mind there

but in in this case now that we've

revealed that mrs jensen is

santa like we can't have santa actually

overpowering a teenage girl

so just every time she gets on nancy

nancy just throws her to the ground and

runs away again

so nancy runs to the balcony where the

girl was killed by falling off of it

and uh as jensen is charging her

the flashback from the beginning of the

film plays over again but it ends with

jensen hitting the ground very

super anticlimactically and where that

fake body was hitting the ground i mean

it's very like it's like a bugs bunny

moment you know where

you just like you know just step to the

side and suddenly

you know the person attacking you just

look there you go just slide whistle

um so yeah so she's dead

or dying yeah dead or dying um and

nancy goes down to where the christmas

tree was and just sits and cries

when a second santa walks in carrying

mrs jensen's body

it's the police chief her husband and

father presumably of the child that was

killed

um and then he tries to kill her when

alex

reappears from his just mysterious

absence for the last couple scenes

with the crossbow from the plate male

suit

and fires it at uh at the chief of

police killing him

good thing there's no witnesses right to

say whether or not

who who to corroborate your story now it

just looks like you killed all these

people right

so basically there are three survivors

is melody killed by the propeller also

yeah i i think okay

so then the three survivors are alex the

nerd

um nancy nancy the virgin and leia the

crazy girl

and that's where it ends we end on her

being loopy

just dancing around and then we get like

a freeze frame of her

and her bloody dress upstairs just

wandering around this house full of

corpses

i mean is that supposed to be like the

moment that we're like prepping for the

next movie

like i think that's just how horror

movies ended in the 70s and they weren't

ready for the 80s yet so they were just

still doing things the same way

i mean is this the first so i know that

we're jaded by the idea of having

it be you know surprised it was a woman

killer

and likes you know i hadn't even thought

of that as a possible part of the twist

right but but like you know we have

experienced movies like that but like at

the time i can't think of any movies

that i don't know friday the 13th is

this year but it's later this year so

right so i can't think of any movies

before this that had that sort of

ending yeah i don't i can't off the top

of my head come up with one either

well the thing is it wasn't always her

right the implication of the story is

that is the scream situation where

every time the person is being

overpowered by santa it's the chief of

police

right because women are incapable of

doing things properly

and so every time it's a woman she's

just getting shoved to the floor or just

like

mindlessly wandering off of a cliff like

a lemming

but what i like to think of it now is

that well one of them's inside stalking

and killing the other ones digging

graves

and they trade off all right here's the

body you go and dig the next grave i'm

gonna go

kill some more people yeah i also like

the implication so

before when i said that there's a reason

that this is two summers later and not

the next summer that's not the reason

it's not in

i know what you did last summer

situation is because the guy needed

enough time to believably get to the

position of chief of police

so that's literally the only reason why

couldn't he have already been chief of

police why couldn't there's no

daughter of the chief of police just be

the

guy who would have been so much more

impressed if he said i've been the chief

of police around here for 18 years

and now i've never let the case go

unsolved but uh i also really like the

implication that he's the chief of

police

who orchestrated the murder of two other

police like did he pick the two guys

that he hates the most for this job

or the one that he knew like couldn't

keep their hands off of children

he's like herring here's how i'm gonna

get rid of these two like pedophile

officers

i'm gonna invite them on this mission

and then just murder them later

two birds one large rock one large rock

a couple of stabbies but yeah that's

about it for the plot of this one

um that's about it for everything on

this one i mean

yeah i don't really don't know what more

we can say

well what do you what do you uh do you

recommend that people watch it

i do not no what about you

i don't i don't think you should bother

all right i'm gonna be the sole thumbs

up on this for the only reason that it

is

technically the first killer santa movie

and that it deserves credit for at least

that

but um i i think you could just know the

fact without having to watch it there's

really nothing in here

there's not a a spouting blood through a

fossil

shower that would have been incredible

and it's not on christmas

wouldn't this be great if this took

place on christmas it just takes

christmas eve two consecutive days

during christmas vacation but not

neither one is on christmas

like they even make the point at the end

they're like oh maybe we should open

some presents and they're like no no

we'll wait till christmas

it's like oh it's not christmas now no

it's not oh what is this movie about

that we're in um letterboxed you put

this above or below

uh just tell me what you want well i

guess if i had to watch another one

again

i would definitely watch this one over

just tell me what you want

yes sadly i have to agree uh that makes

three of us

an identical letterbox list so far

because i would absolutely watch this

again i kind of want to watch it now

that we've been talking about it

um cool well i think that about covers

it for this one

um if you guys have any thoughts you'd

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hope you'll join us next time when we'll

be discussing

fatso we'll leave you now with the audio

for the trailer for that film

once upon a time there was a little boy

who loved to eat

and so he grew up to be a big boy who

loved to eat

yeah dom dinapoli loved to eat

dumb sister antoinette thought he should

stop eating so much

i made an appointment for you with dr

schwartzman doctor who

dr schwartzman the diet doctor so when

dom went on a diet

broiled chicken and kale and non-fat

milk for me she was very happy

but when he didn't she was very unhappy

[Music]

now dom's brother frankie thought he

should go on a diet too

what makes you think there's even one

drop one drop of honey left

so dominic tried not to eat do not give

me these keys

no matter what and his brother was very

happy

it was no use dumb dinapoli and he

really loved to eat

and so he ate and they

[Music]

and then he ate some more

and then one day he met lydia

and love became his steady diet

lydia lydia

my name is dom

[Music]

tom

video don de louise and bankrupt

candy azara and ron kerry in fat zone

from 20th century fox