we're on a mission from god

wendy so i got that going darling

looks like i picked the wrong way to

quit sniffing blue light

of my life we enjoy your films

i thought they smelled bad on the

outside

[Music]

welcome to vintage video where we're

re-watching the 80s so you

don't have to we'll be reviewing every

major film release of the 1980s in real

time i'm patrick o'reilly i'm jessie

bayless and i'm richard

and today marks the 40th anniversary of

the release of the children on june 13

1980. it was written by carlton j

albright and edward terry

directed by max calmanowicks and

released by

world northall and later acquired by

troma just before its

dvd released 25 years later new line

cinema passed on the opportunity to

distribute

this film i can't imagine why no not

sure

world northal was originally northal

films founded by albert schwartz

and then changed its name and logo in

the mid 70s to something closely

resembling the new world pictures logo

with that

at t ball as the o i'm not sure if that

was on purpose to throw off potential

film goers because

world pictures new world pictures are

better than world normal yeah northfold

pictures

is it saying norfolk northall like

like if you didn't know how to say

northern yeah and you were like

it's more north it's northall kind of

west westall northall i can't imagine

why they changed that

uh most northall logos are found at the

head of

english dubs of shaw brothers movies

since acquiring the film trauma has made

it available in its entirety for free on

youtube and it's a beautiful

high definition proper aspect ratio

display compared to the dvd that we

initially watched

the film score may sound familiar it's

not entirely dissimilar from friday the

13th

because both films were composed by

harry manfredini this film actually shot

a few weeks in advance and it had the

same like camera crew and sound crew

i think that the score actually in

addition to

sounding like friday the 13th sounds a

lot like psycho

he's definitely aping psycho in a lot of

it yeah but yeah the film also shares a

couple grips

sound crew and cinematographer barry

abrams

in exchange for access to the cemetery

the production was asked to make a

donation to a charity on behalf of the

cemetery's caretakers

and for access to one of the houses they

filmed in the homeowner's daughter was

employed as a production assistant for

the film

oh well that's how you do it yeah it

worked

ellen and tommy two of the film's five

titular children

are sarah and nathaniel albright

children of writer producer

carlton albright evidently kevin

mccarthy was considered for a role and

passed i don't know what that would have

been

uh i mean i i don't know

if i would have put him i wouldn't have

put him as the sheriff but he would bend

the age for the sheriff i think in this

who's kevin mccarthy uh he was the

campaign manager from hero at large and

he's the bad guy in uhf

okay mr reynolds he's an inner space

he's the guy in the corporation he yells

a lot

yeah that guy got it originally

co-writer edward terry who also plays

hank in the film

was slated to direct but for whatever

reason max calmanowicz took the reigns

and it caused a rift between the two

that wasn't made up until 1989 when they

worked together on luther the geek but

apparently

everybody had a pretty big problem with

max and nobody nobody liked the director

during the making of this film it was

released in some markets as the children

of raven's back

which might be a better title i think

that's a very as soon as they said

raven's back i was like is that the name

of the town that's awesome

yeah i think that accounts for the logo

i had a hard time with the logo for the

children

we'll get to that okay in 2006 the year

after troma released the dvd

possibly not a coincidence a musical

adaptation was composed and had a short

run

off off broadway with music by hal

goldberg and book and lyrics by stan

richardson

i tried four hours to find any music i

could cut in here but i'm sorry to say i

am empty-handed

i don't understand there is no this

could be a musical

i don't either but there is a an actual

cast recording album

but it's impossible to get a hold of the

closest i could get was a track listing

and a couple that gave me a chuckle were

songs called i paint portraits

and harry the hawk presumably a

reference to the character repeatedly

shown painting in the midst of the chaos

and the harry the the deputy who refers

in in only one scene to himself as harry

the hawk was this

based on a larger work of some sort it's

really weird to me i guarantee you that

this person rented it from troma and

immediately started writing the musical

because it was just like this would be

funny

well but i mean even just the way the

movie plays out

it feels like there's so much

that is like cut out or not shown or

like there's

so much backstory that we aren't going

into for that they don't bother to

explain

yeah it's really weird so we start with

the albright films logo in the sky

and then we tilt down onto a gas storage

facility playing the part of a nuclear

power plant

two employees appear to be giving up on

finding the source of a leak

and uh they're headed out for lunch

because they're certain they won't be

paid for any overtime

after we see them leave we zoom back

through the gates into the plant and

creep slowly up on a leak

at a junction of valves there's no way

they would have missed this if you

check the whole length of the pipe but

apparently they are underpaid

because you also would have noticed this

gigantic cloud of vapor

yellow smoke is billowing up yeah the

part that bothers me about this leak is

it's clearly not a new leak there is uh

yeah it's corrosion it's dark yeah uh

yeah it's corroded

so this yellow smoke is billowing up

from this puddle of radioactive waste

the smoke fills the screen and then an

illustration of the words

the children phil's frame inexplicably

composed of bird limbs

like there's definitely a claw at the

end of one of these there's so much

about this logo

that bothers me it's it's made up of

weird talons yeah uh and it also appears

to be

like poorly hand-drawn yeah like

hand-drawn like a red pencil sketch

you know how you do like red pencil

before you would go over

and and outline it for your final this

this seems like a draft to me they

didn't even use the final draft of their

own

title we'll just use this one where did

the

the finished one go i don't know just

shoot this one and we're done

but yes a school bus exits a freeway

onto a small country road

and six students aboard the bus are

singing three bottles of beer on the

wall as they

thought they were singing like hail to

the bus driver first they're singing

this

okay

they drop one lucky child off

then they cross a covered bridge and

then switch to here here is to the bus

driver

which i always thought was hail to the

bus driver

either way i feel like most of the bus

driver songs are not complimentary

to the bus driver but uh this one was

just like oh you're so great

good job bus driver i had bus drivers

that i liked

yeah yeah you still make fun of them in

a friendly way

you just when i was a kid it was always

like not when i never had a bus driver

you never had a bus driver

no i lived across the street from the

school i guess

the bus driver passes a sign that reads

three miles to raven's back

and we're coming around a corner and

suddenly a vw bug

taps their horn to signal intent to pass

the bus

the bus driver waves at kathy fremont

the mother of one of the students

on the bus as she's pulling around

and then the bug and the bus disappear

into a cloud of yellow smoke blowing

across the road

we cut to sheriff billy hart who has

saddled up at the bar of collins diner

which is one of those cool trolley car

diners he's talking to a waitress who's

asking when he's going to man up and ask

her out

because she's dying for a ride in his

crappy police cruiser

it's just like a run-of-the-mill police

car mm-hmm instant number one of there

seems like there's more story here that

we never get to

yeah it's funny too because we have a

scene kind of like this on friday the

13th where there's the

the guy who owns the camp that's just

like flirting with the woman at the

diner for no reason

it's just an extra scene to kind of

flesh out the story

the cop leaves he says he'll pick her up

when she's off at 10 o'clock tonight

and when he tries to pay the bill she

says just don't be late

so she's she's paying for his food here

he pulls out of the lot and he heads

down the same road the bus did

and another young officer it can be seen

chatting up a girl that's selling fruits

and vegetables on the side of the road

but ever since the interstate came to

town they're they're not getting as many

customers at this fruit stand the

sheriff passes them both and gives a

knowing wave to the deputy

before the the girl's dad also drives by

on a tractor

and announces he'll be home for supper i

don't think he is home for supper i

don't think he comes back in the film at

all

yeah he does the dad on the tractor he

does yeah yeah later in the barn

scene because he finds paul oh right

that was the same guy okay

when everyone else is gone the younger

cop tries to talk the girl back into the

empty house

but uh she's being hesitant with him how

do you know about the farmer's daughter

yeah not with the farmer's daughter but

also your boss just caught you

like screwing around when you're on duty

he also didn't seem to care much

but maybe don't go back to the house uh

hart finds the abandoned school bus

parked diagonally across a lane of

traffic with its nose buried in the

woods on the side of the road

seemingly we have a pov shot from inside

because it's like handheld and shaky and

tipping back and forth

but it's clear once the sheriff gets

into the bus that it's supposed to be

empty of people

though the seats are littered with

backpacks workbooks and weirdly an issue

of newsweek with a headline about the

state of horror movies in hollywood

but it's weird like as as first of all

like it's very suspicious that you find

the bus

running and empty but as he's going

through the kids things he's

smiling yeah it was like

why are you smiling as you're searching

this you should be calling for help

right now

yeah the sheriff hart pulls the keys

from the still running bus

and then in another pov from the

cemetery across the street

we watch through headstones as the

police cruiser pulls away back down the

road

i feel like you would radio this in and

call for someone else to come that's

what i'm saying like why aren't you

calling this immediately close off the

area well and start calling back to some

sort of station so that they can alert

all of these children's parents like do

you have your children where are they

keep an eye out call me if you find them

but instead he decides he's gonna

he's gonna touch base with each parent

one by one on his own

starting more efficient yeah starting

with the one that's a hundred yards down

the road here

so uh he pulls over near the next

covered bridge and he walks along a

fence into mrs button's backyard

or i guess it's dr gould's house yeah so

it's it's joyce gould but leslie button

yeah who's there yeah dr joyce gould is

a doctor

who seems to have a woman in her care by

the name of miss button who is the

mother of one of the children okay this

was terribly confusing it's

it's so convoluted it doesn't need to be

this complicated this was another reason

that i thought it was

taken like derived from a larger work

a book or something that you were

cutting scenes out of because

there seems to be so much backstory to

everyone is really hostile to the

sheriff

joyce is the worst yeah she's so mean i

put that

my note is joyce is mean yeah so but

when he first walks in so he didn't like

go up to the front door and knock

he just walked around to the back of

their house where she was sunbathing in

the yard

and in in just like in the shade

but also just in her underwear like not

even like a bathing suit or anything

like just in her underwear which is fine

i mean you can do whatever you want it's

your property but yeah just seem kind of

weird

i mean all of these things feel like

they are referencing that this is

country life in general

it's okay that the kids aren't home and

the parents sunbathe in their underwear

in the backyard

yeah so he asks if miss button is home

and she says she is but she's not

feeling well

and a doberman named queen will not stop

barking over this entire scene

is it that she's not feeling well

because she seems like

medicated yeah well when she goes in she

tells her to take more coding yeah yeah

so

i and i actually think that uh joyce

here might actually be the owner of the

dog

in this scene because i mean maybe she's

just a really good actress but it was

very convincing when she was yelling at

the dog to shut up

during the scene like i feel like she

was like oh my dog can be in this scene

right and they were like i guess and

then it wouldn't stop barking she's like

this is the same tone that she takes

with the sheriff that's true maybe

that's just how she acts

uh she have here dr gould has no chill

uh she steps inside to help miss button

and slams the screen in the sheriff's

face with an angry look

i'll be with you in a minute even with

sheriff hart standing five feet away

outside the screen

miss button is still asking who is here

who is that

so she does seem at the very least like

out of it

if not actually medicated is this

backstory it never

comes into play that she is off or b she

doesn't even get away from this piano

um i i thought i thought that this was

her

older daughter and that when she's

asking about her sibling

so i thought and that she was asking

about her sibling it wasn't until just

now that you said that this is the

mother and i was like oh

that makes a little more sense but it's

still really weird

why dr gould is hanging out there unless

they're lovers but i don't know that

how do you know that she's the mother

[Music]

because her

last name is button and the child's last

name is button not gold

but if they were siblings they would

also still have the lessons but later

someone refers to this as the gould

house

so miss button is a patient of miss

gould

staying at the house with her son i

guess yeah i don't know

dr gould dumps a handful of codeine in

her gullet so she can catch some more

some more rays in the backyard no she

doesn't though yeah she hands her the

bottle and says you should take

cody like if she's really as out of it

as

we think you're gonna trust her to

medicate herself yeah maybe help her out

a little also maybe don't leave the

bottle of pills there on the piano where

she is all day

while you're unconscious in the backyard

um

but yeah so she uh miss button

maybe takes some of the pills she's

holding the bottle for a second but then

we cut to

the sheriff looking through the screen

at her as she plays a surprisingly good

section of piano music for someone as

heavily medicated as she is

and he just shakes his head

disapprovingly at her music

i don't understand why it's the back

story here i want to know more

he takes gould dr gould back to the bus

where she climbs on board and collects

all of tommy's things and says

i i grabbed this stuff and then he says

is everything he had with him today

i guess so like really angrily in his

face

and so he goes back to the car and he

radios timmons the the deputy

that was flirting with the girl and he's

still there at the girls house and he

says have you seen any cars come through

and he's like nope nothing i haven't

seen anything so the sheriff says set up

a roadblock at the interstate don't let

anybody through

and uh he kisses the girl goodbye and he

goes to set up the roadblock

dr gould says she doesn't know how to

break it to leslie and he says maybe

don't break it to leslie

leslie is the mother of the of the

missing child tommy

i just don't know how leslie's gonna

take it when she finds out tommy's

missing

don't tell her that's one way to deal

with it

like really mad that he even suggested

it but this woman's

you know she's not gonna understand

what's going on anyway let's just

resolve this first and then let her know

what happened

but uh after the sheriff leaves she

notices tommy in the cemetery across the

street

so she runs up to talk to him and she's

calling after him

and as she's moving through the cemetery

she trips over the

irradiated corpse of the bus driver this

this reveal is great

yeah though the makeup on him it's

pretty cool

it's really great so i i just love i i

wish we actually got more of it in here

yeah cause we have uh we have the bus

driver and we see this makeup done a few

more times in the film

yeah but it it's just so great this is

this is everything to this film

yeah and so i feel like they should have

just stuck on this stuff more

yeah the body kind of looks like you put

on the glasses from they live

yeah i thought that too yes it's kind of

a little bit shriveled and like this

it's like a weird like the nose is

missing

but it's also got these like it looks

like burst

blisters all over like peeling cavities

some of those

some of the film reviews of from critics

at the time said that it looked like

pepperoni was on their faces and stuff

like that

but yeah kind of like pizza the hut yeah

exactly

or pizza face from all that isn't that

uh

was kel the pizza face character i can't

remember i think it was

dr gould looks up from the corpse of the

bus driver to notice tommy there

and she moves to hug him and his hands

grasp her back with black fingernails

and she starts screaming in agony

now yellow smoke the same as from the

radioactive waste is billowing out from

between them

as they're hugging she drops to the

floor with the same creepy open sore

blister face as the bus driver

we're getting it in like it's crossfades

yeah yeah

it's like three or four cross fades from

like normal

messed up dead gross yeah it's not very

well done

no in terms of editing through this

scene because nobody's

i mean maybe they maybe they intended it

to feel like time was passing but

nobody's in the same position as they

crossfade between these makeup jobs

yeah the sheriff drives out to a corner

store

as a pair of brothers maybe are trying

to sell birds to the store owner

yeah that it looks like they tried to

make these guys at least

look related if not literally twins yeah

they they were very

it's a very good job because i i thought

that they were until i looked them up

and like oh these guys aren't related at

all

i think the younger guy literally shaved

his head to look like the older guy

but i i applaud it i think they're like

10 years apart though and they're

supposed to be

i think they're supposed to be playing

identical twins i don't think they're

supposed to be twins i think they're

just brothers

but they're doing the twin thing of

repeating each other and saying words at

the same time

yeah or i just felt like well maybe they

are brothers but it's it's weird

whatever they're doing here

i mean you can you can be non-identical

twins

yeah you can you can be twins and not be

identical that is the thing right but if

you're

if you're writing a script you don't

write two non-identical twins who look

practically the same

maybe you don't maybe you just scratch

it's special okay

but anyway it seems like they've killed

some birds and they're trying to sell

them to

molly who runs this corner store and

taxidermy shop apparently

yeah i would have called it a liquor and

gun store because that's all we see them

really selling there

right but she doesn't uh she doesn't

seem to want these birds

because they're kind of crappy and tiny

but eventually

just to get them out of her face and

maybe because it's not legal

it seems like because when the sheriff

walks in like they kind of step away

from the counter like they weren't doing

anything

and she wraps the birds up in newspaper

and puts it under the counter this is

just there's so many moments in this

movie really there is more

happening here everybody is so weird

with the sheriff

yeah but he steps up to the counter and

he recruits the

brothers as deputies to help with the

roadblock

and they repeat each other as though

they're twins multiple times

but are at least 10 years apart i didn't

actually look up the age difference but

it's significant i think sheriff

sheriff boys

i need a couple of deputies for a

roadblock out by the interstate you

interested

maybe maybe 40 dollars a day

county a pick up the time

oh that that sounds fine with us sheriff

that's okay with us sheriff

molly the store owner asks how serious

this situation is

and uh she agrees that fred would never

leave the motor running

she's fred's mom i think i think it's

his wife

it's his wife because cause she she she

refers to him like as my dear friend or

something like that

later on yeah but she also said one of

the comments she said is he oh he's

practically a child himself

i just felt you say that about me yeah

okay fair enough could be a wife could

be a mom who knows but but i like the

whole that whole line of

is like we found the school bus and the

children gone and and

fred gone and the engine running was

like that doesn't sound like fred

to leave the engine running i was like

what about the missing king

i could see him absconding with children

but he wouldn't leave the bus running

he'd bring the key with him

that's his getaway vehicle john enters

the store now

to order another can of ether i picture

him outside like homer with the gasoline

one for you

one for me one for you one for me

that's what i thought that they were

implying it's like she's like another

can of either it's like oh this is like

the town like drug addict yeah

oh good yeah i'm sure your car broke

down again john wink wink get out of my

store

you want a beer no thanks how about some

ether

but seriously you could just walk in and

buy a can of ether

like yeah right on the shelf in the 80s

oh my god the 80s were great and i i

i guess i don't know how ether works

because he's just spraying it on his car

like it's lysol

yep it smells terrible in here

gonna make it smell like ether so now i

am picturing richard lysoling the engine

of his car

this is what you do it's so dirty in

here

the sheriff asks about john's kids and

learns that clarky stayed home with a

cold but jenny went to school

john heads home to tell kathy about this

whole the bus business

while the sheriff decides he's going to

head over to dede shore's house

dede shore i don't understand this

character at all

dede shore is she could be the mayor she

could be a senator

she could be a billionaire i don't

understand this woman she's got an

amazing chandelier which we'll get to

you're gonna compliment her rack in this

next scene

um molly tries to radio fred after

everyone leaves the store

again sheriff wanders around the house

into the backyard to find miss short

topless

by the pool and sunbathing and nearby

her husband

or maybe a pool boy is just lifting a

barbell but they have different first

and last name well

first name first and last name that'd be

weird if they have the same first name

but different last names

yeah they have they have different last

names i mean perhaps you've met my

husband

dede something else

richard i don't know if you've met

patrick and me we have different first

and last names as well that's so crazy

what are the odds

but anyway this this guy is ripped to

shreds but not like the radiation

victims like

he's just cut he's got abs for days

apparently like the the director or one

of the screenwriters literally met him

like at his gym

and he was like will you play a random

character in this movie that we're doing

and so that's why he comes in for just

this one scene

um i regas he's back a little bit later

he asks them if their daughters come

home from school yet

and they joke is janet at home isn't she

a little young for you sheriff

she's only nine this was another like

really big like red flag of like what is

what is the backstory with this sheriff

like i just assumed maybe everybody's

hostile to him because he's some sort of

like child problem yeah we're gonna find

out at the end that he just got out of

prison this year yeah and they are

blaming him for all the missing children

but

like no there's just no explanation for

why everyone's so mean to this guy

you're not fooling anyone sheriff just

tell us where you put my children like

no one's worried or scared about it

but uh jack the husband-slash-pool boy

has not seen her and neither has mom

they complain that she's always lurking

around the house their nine-year-old

daughter is always lurking around the

house

this is so weird it's not that they

don't know where she is but

maybe she's home she's just lurking

around like like who knows she's a

weirdo that kid

yeah seems like her mom has like

straight-up disdain for this child yeah

well they're clearly

high on something yes because as the

sheriff informs her that her child is

missing

she just sparks up a joint right in

front of him and she seems elated to

hear that something as exciting as a

mass kidnapping might have happened in

raven's back that's so weird

but the sheriff picks up a small

container that they have on their like

table and he's like oh this is nice and

they're like oh yeah we got that on

vacation

and then he opens it up and dumps all

their drugs into the pool because he's

like

you guys need to sober up your kids

missing ellen

one of the irradiated children from the

bus

watches from the woods as john pulls

over to work on his car again and

continue to spray it with ether

come on ether do your magic

sheriff drives up and offers a ride

before john here can get hugged to death

and he helpfully noses john's car off

the road

before they leave ellen backs into the

woods

uh scared of the sheriff maybe i don't

know i'm not going near that sheriff

that's the one character i won't go near

a mother of one of the children is

laying across the couch at home with a

cold pack on her head

after a knock at the door her daughter

ellen cries mommy

and is greeted with a hug and is quickly

roasted on the porch

the child then turns her sights on the

father and says daddy

and he runs back into the house because

he doesn't want to get burnt by his

child

the kids are so giddy when they reach

out for their parents

they're smiling and they're kind of

loopy looking

susie the girl that the deputy was

flirting with is now at the roadblock

begging harry the

the deputy to kiss her he doesn't want

to do it because these weird brothers

are watching him sounds like it's more

of a [ __ ] block yeah

than a roadblock

here's a weird scene a car pulls up with

a chauffeur

asking what seems to be the problem and

then the man in the back seat

rolls the window down and up between

every line of dialogue for the rest of

this scene

this is sanford butler jones

apparently a good friend of topless dede

shore

well at this point i didn't remember

that the topless lady was named dede

shore and i'm like

who's dede shore like does she like

she's really important

and i don't understand who this guy is

relative to her

and we never find out so to show all of

the

important things about him at the same

time he's in the backseat of a car

he has control over his window he has a

car phone

and he knows dd so he calls her from his

car phone

and this private citizen gives sanford

butler jones permission to penetrate the

roadblock

and the cops just like you sure mrs

shore okay

if you say so i guess i'll ignore what

the sheriff said

yeah i i suspect

porn porn what that the this woman does

porn

this guy is her co-star and this is like

a producer or director coming to see her

there's so much backstory but she owns

the town

is she porky what's going on he's just

rich enough to tell the cops what to do

well i i mean honestly

i mean yes the people who pay the most

taxes get to tell the cops what to do

remember in uh night of the juggler i

think i'm entitled

to some consideration to a little

consideration

well yeah that's that's because you know

that's uh clemenza he has integrity

he has some integrity yeah and he wasn't

seeing any of the money

maybe this this township knows how to

pay the money down

down the line um anyway the chauffeur

continues down the road

they come upon susie riding her bike

back to the house

so they they let her go down this road

even though but just to be clear

we never see that character again right

nope no never again it never

never comes back nope we never even see

like the car broken down on the side of

the road

what's the point of this scene i'll i'll

get to the point of the scene possibly

later

okay way down in our cast notes because

it's not in the rest of the movie

as they pull up behind susie riding her

bike down the street

sanford butler jones in the back seat

says

she acts like she wants to die get

around her now

and then his driver just nonchalantly

changes lanes to go around the bicyclist

like you would have anyway

no one would have needed to tell you to

do that she smiles pleasantly as they

pass her

and sanford butler jones drives out of

the movie forever

uh susie knocks on the peterson's door

to deliver a bag of apples

she just sort of wanders around the

house uninvited

there's a weird reverse shot where it's

played forward of her

opening a door and looking in a room and

then the reverse of her

she backs it back out of the room

perfectly at the same time

all right a big old fluffy dog surprises

her

but she wanders around this house for

too long it's like a 13-13 movie yeah

and uh and then as she's coming down the

stairs the bag she's holding breaks and

she just dumps all the apples down the

stairs

so she leaves she just walks past all

the apples she dropped and we just see

her ride her bike back to the barn

without the apples that she was

delivering i would have done the same

thing

here's your apples down the stairs i

guess

because she was supposed to be paid for

those apples yeah

so if you don't baby i'm just gonna

throw them on your floor yeah so if i

clean my house i get free apples that's

what you're saying

so back at home paul her younger brother

lunges out from behind

her father's tractor but he has black

fingernails

and we hear a piece of the friday the

13th soundtrack which is actually

predates the friday the 13th soundtrack

but friday the 13th came out first

he follows her into the barn with his

arms outstretched and we don't even

see the only cute girl in this movie die

she screams as she is presumably fried

in the barn

and paul turns from her corpse to pursue

the disgusted father

who came back in time for supper yep i

feel like all this movie has going for

it

are these kill scenes you can't skimp on

them you can't not

show us there's one that i understand

why they did it and i think it works

really oh yeah

sure i know what you're getting at yeah

and he turns to the father and he goes

daddy

daddy and then we cut away uh john and

the sheriff are getting to john's home

and he heads inside to find his wife

kathy

clarky pops out to surprise him with

transparent fingernails this is the kid

that stayed home sick

kathy fell asleep on a recliner in her

painting room she is

nine months pregnant eight yeah she's

nine months pregnant in a room full of

drying paint

uh asleep she mentions that she passed

the bus on her way home

from the doctor and that she saw all the

kids that they were on the bus so

there's no reason that the bus would be

empty on the side of the road

clarky slides down the banister to

surprise them

as uh mommy says oh it's time to go to

bed and he's like

but i'm hungry and she's like well i

made a pot roast

if you want to have dinner i guess i

could feed you too

in addition to housing you one of the

other parental jobs

it also feels like four in the afternoon

yeah

it's still sorry daylight the kids were

just supposed to be getting home from

school but go to bed

it's like it must be like summer in the

south somewhere

yeah so is this like the sun doesn't set

till like 8 30.

yeah i think they they make the point

though that this is

raven's claw massachusetts or what it's

not raven's claw that's a

harry potter school what is it called

ravensburg raven's back

ravens got back ravens got back that's

so ravens got back

[Laughter]

molly calls to sheriff billy hart on the

radio and deputy harry timmons gets the

call

at the roadblock molly says that leslie

called from the gould house leslie is

the crazy one miss button um somehow she

operated a phone

she called molly crying and then the

line went dead the deputy leaves the

brothers

uh brothers in charge of the roadblock

and he heads out to the gould house on

his way he passes the school bus again

now inexplicably parked on the cemetery

side of the road

he finds three kids in the middle of the

road and he radios to molly that he

found them

as he's getting out of the car here he

says hey hey hey

harry the hawk does it again like this

has happened before maybe

wait wasn't that the name of one of the

songs yes it's a reference to this

moment probably

oh i would love to hear the song for

this one i would too

we get more stompy friday the 13th score

as we see

harry's point of view as these creepy

kids are smiling with their arms

outstretched

but we cut away from that and uh molly

at the shop tries to reach the sheriff

again

and he gets the call just as he's coming

out of john and kathy's place it's hours

later now so maybe they actually did sit

down and eat that whole pot roast

while these kids were missing but he

hears her on the

on the radio and his cruiser and he runs

to answer she relays that harry has

found the children

and john runs back to the house and says

oh kathy

harry found them before he knows if

they're corpses or not

all he knows is they found them they

decide they're gonna head out and

meet up with harry sheriff and john find

harry's abandoned cruiser on the side of

the road just past the

bus and then they find harry's corpse in

the bushes on the side of the bus also

abandoned

on the side of the road sorry also

abandoned his abandoned corpse

no one is attending to this corpse the

sheriff here

uh i noticed he kind of looks like if

bill nye and craig t nelson had a baby

so i would describe this guy they rushed

to the gould house down the street

and pound on the doors to no avail uh

they eventually get in

and explore the house and find leslie's

irradiated corpse still draped over the

piano

where it was the last time we saw it the

phone is dead and they hear

a thump from inside the closet so john

slowly opens the door

to reveal a dead doberman and possibly

leaned against the closed door from

inside

uh this is the scene that we when we

watch the trailer they go that's a weird

way to open a door yeah

it's like you're checking it for heat or

something yeah so first john's gonna

open the door and the sheriff pulls his

gun

my guess is that they're gonna surprise

if someone's in there

at gunpoint but the moment the door

opens the sheriff just

opens fire if this was a kid falling

forward he would have shot the kid

what if there was a kid hiding from the

whatever is killing people like

someone's in there hiding but he hits

this dog four times before it hits the

floor

yeah but apparently he was already dead

but

that's the story john yeah we're gonna

we've decided this dog was dead right

but the dog is roasted just like all the

people so did the kids roast this dog

and then tuck it into the closet against

the door

after they burnt it i don't know

so now they're moving over to molly's to

use her phone

and it's dead too the sheriff just

blurts out everything that's happened

and all the people who have died before

the next of kin have been notified

they go and grab guns off the rack in

her store and ask if she'll be all right

here and she says

anybody tries to get in here i'll blast

their ass to kingdom come

well and and he and i like that he's

like telling molly what he's taking off

the shelves

so she can like bill him later he's like

i'm gonna take a couple rounds of of

us of shells here i need some double o's

outside collins diner the waitress gives

up waiting for the sheriff to show up

that's a sad story they just they

finished her arc with

oh yeah he was supposed to go on a date

and uh he never came back

and she doesn't get killed or anything

she just gets in her car and leaves so

that's

weird that's the end of her story the

sheriff and john find janet in the road

now

john puts his arms on her and the

sheriff grabs her around her arms

but they don't get burned so apparently

the child has to literally envelop you

in a hug

it's not just a contact burn well but

her fingernails aren't black

oh they're not no they they turn black

while she's

sitting in the back of the squad car

because it plays that like

wow

constantly going in the background of

everything that we're saying right now

just sounds like richard never stopped

making that sound for the rest of the

episode

[Laughter]

just kidding now

they move her into the backseat of the

cruiser assuming she's in shock and she

passes out pretty quickly after they

start to drive away they take janet to

her home

and john heads in to find the parents

and let them know what's going on

food has been left burning on the stove

top and he stupidly grabs a pot lid

with just bare-handed and he finds some

lobster in there but he hurts himself in

the process because

and and their dining room has a

chandelier

made up of hundreds of actually

burning candles that's impressive i

don't even know how you light it

you would take you 40 minutes to light

the chandelier

one of the candles would already be dead

by the time you were done yeah

did you guys not think that was weird no

that was totally normal i do that

whenever i cook john runs back outside

and finds janet's father jack or

possibly father

the muscle guy uh sitting in a chair by

the pool

and he accidentally knocks him into the

pool but then as he's helping him out he

realizes this guy's dead and he's

roasted

and then he finds t.d shore's body off

in the weeds on his way back to the

sheriff

so both of this girl's parents are dead

janet's in the back seat

and she wakes up from her nap this is

where her fingernails go from clear to

black

i'm pretty sure the fingernail thing is

a reference to those film badges that

people wear at nuclear power plants

um i was thinking about that but also

there were i was trying to look up some

kind of connection

between radiation and fingernails oh

and from my cursory research um

darkening of nails can be like a common

side effect of getting

chemotherapy oh but apparently there's a

really horrifying thing of some

survivors of hiroshima and nagasaki

having losing their fingernails

completely no they would grow

rod-shaped fingernails that actually

contained blood vessels

oh weird um so

i i don't know but i think your theory

pat

is closer to what this is actually

supposed to be yeah because when you i

thought it was along the lines of

just representing that they were maybe

dead already because blood pools and

in your fingers when you die that's

possible too i just thought that because

they get

seem to get the radiation powers when

the fingernails turn black that it's

specifically a reference to

when you work at a nuclear power plant

they give you a little badge that has a

strip of like photographic film in it

and

that will turn completely black if it's

exposed to unexpected radiation

so you can tell if you're in a danger

zone if your film turns black and if it

turns like

the darkest shade then it's like okay

this is this person is not savable

yeah like if you find someone that's

unconscious and their thing isn't

totally black at you you can save them

what happens if it turns black do i get

a new one yeah we'll just get you a

second one and you could just keep it

here in your

in your zone i thought you were going to

respond with the macgyver

comment i forget what he says that's

from flame's end season one episode

yeah he he says so it turns all black do

i get a new one he goes

no you get a coffin

that's good oh i'm a diver

janet reaches over the seats for the

sheriff and he is surprisingly terrified

of it considering he doesn't know what's

going on

well if i saw a hand of any kind

coming at me from behind i'd be like if

it was from the back seat of a car where

i'd put a child and knew that none of

the doors of the car had opened i would

assume it was the child

a helpless little girl yeah children are

creepy he like

freaks out to the point that he

literally falls out of the driver's side

door

and then he's shouting to john tried to

attack me john

he's alone you're gonna get me home she

tried to attack me john

and i was like what do you mean she

tried to attack you he's like i don't

know she came at me she was coming right

at my fruit

what are you talking about she barely

got an arm over your shoulder

but then she runs away all these

children are so jolly when they reach

their hands out to you

yeah possibly look like an attack but

then they drive away and they leave the

only kid they found of these five

just alone in the wilderness based on

this weird hunch that she's trying

to murder them like they don't they

haven't seen

these kids kill anybody they don't know

what's causing it we cut back to

johnny kathy's home kathy's working in

the kitchen and jenny approaches the

house from the outside

molly is sitting in a chair in her shop

asleep with a gun

and she wakes up to find a row of kids

lit from below

outside her window like the children of

the corn or something

she's ecstatic and she

radios the sheriff and says i found the

kids everything's gonna be great and

somehow she leaves the handset

on yeah as she moves outside to die by

their tiny hands

and uh she's just screaming bloody

murder through the radio at the sheriff

yeah

i thought my note was there was like

that's not how radios work yeah unless

you like dropped it

at a very convenient angle or something

holding the button down

uh kathy enjoys a nice cigarette on the

couch and apologizes to her unborn fetus

yeah

i was like what sorry john and the

sheriff burst into the house with

rifles refusing to tell kathy anything

shortly after having told molly

everything for no reason

jon runs upstairs to check on clarky who

is asleep in bed under his

superman and muppet show posters he

closes clarky's window and blinds and

heads back downstairs

the sheriff gives kathy a look and she

closes her eyes for lauren lee

presumably having correctly guessed that

her daughter is still missing

and also a radiation zombie she asks

again what's going on and for no reason

they tell her that harry is dead but

they lie

about how he died to avoid accidentally

protecting her later

uh they shouted her to make coffee sweet

i'll make you some coffee will you

john please make the damn coffee

[Laughter]

[Music]

you pregnant woman make us coffee we

demand coffee we have guns

uh the sheriff and john learn on the

news that kathy apparently was not

watching

that these attacks are happening all

over the tri-state area

um jenny punches through the screen to

unlock the outer door to the home

but the inner door is still locked the

scene is pointless

i can punch through the screen ah

i could punch through the glass nah

that's gonna hurt the sheriff

exhaustedly turns off the tv to avoid

being over

informed on the menace and moves into

the

kitchen where coffee is being made kathy

notices outside that jenny is standing

in the yard

and runs to her very quietly like oh my

daughter's outside

i'm not gonna tell anybody i'm just

gonna go hug her

and uh she jenny offers up a big hug to

kathy

but john catches her just barely in time

and the sheriff chases the jenny monster

out into the yard

john and the sheriff move into the barn

in the yard and they find jenny right

away

and despite having chased his wife away

from this monster

the dad immediately grabs her hand to

help her up and the whole hand gets

cooked

but the sheriff tears him away and they

escape

so now he's just lost use of a hand

another kid janet surprises the sheriff

and takes two slugs in the chest

very suddenly this could have been like

a live kid who knows

but uh he he shoots her twice in the

chest and she collapses but then pounces

immediately back

up to chase them out of the barn around

here i noticed it's super helpful

to my notes that each of the titular

children

on imdb have their profile pic is of

them in this movie wearing their

costumes

so thank god none of them ever worked

again or this podcast episode might have

been

negligibly more work for me

sheriff and john hobble away from the

kiddos kathy fetches john a bowl of ice

for his hand while sheriff hart watches

the children convene

under a tire swing in the yard kathy

goes to check on clarky

and notices that the sheriff is shooting

children outside

and because they haven't explained

anything to her she runs downstairs to

stop him

she knocks him unconscious with a vase

yep and then john runs in and says oh no

no

the kids are monsters jenny did this to

my hand she doesn't believe it

but she's just in shock basically

because again they didn't give her time

to absorb this information they kept it

secret until now

paul climbs outside of clarky's window

and knocks on it

or scratches at it i guess and then

clarky's like oh paul's here come on in

let's play hide and seek

so kathy hears the closet door closed in

his room because clarky went to hide in

the closet

and she goes up to check on him and he's

dead already

clarky died i did not expect this was

the most

disturbing part of this entire movie it

was actually a really dark turn

they opened the door and there's just a

body of a young child laying there

and i like that we didn't hear the

screaming or the burning because

i was sure someone was just going to

come up and save this kid at the last

second and for me to not know until i

saw it that he was going to be dead

made it much more effective i thought i

think that was actually a pretty cool

move

so it does it does raise some questions

for me

about how this radiation affects people

sure because thus far it hasn't been

affecting children

it well it it affects children in so

much as it turns them into these

you know zombie creatures that want to

cheerfully hug people to their death

but it doesn't kill the children or at

least it you know

turns them into you know living dead but

adults it seems to not affect

at all unless they're touched by these

children because

the bus driver presumably went through

this fog with the children and was fine

until the children attacked him

yes and the same thing is true for

kathy kathy because she went through

this fog too and was fine

right but we'll get to that yeah that

she wasn't totally fine

kathy turns to run away from clarky's

room and paul chases her down the stairs

and john shoots a middle of the chest

with a shotgun

and blows him up over the railing onto

the floor

it's pretty awesome looking and uh he

immediately jumps back up to attack her

again

and the sheriff takes paul's hands off

with a [ __ ] katana

that he just took off of the wall in the

background

uh i don't know why this would ever have

been a move that he would have

considered

but this is where they learn that

cutting off the hands is how you kill

these things

john goes upstairs to mourn his son in a

really touching

sad moment for this dad who already lost

one daughter presumably

he's just trying to keep their putting

children alive he puts him back in bed

yeah it's a it's a sad moment the

the mother asks where jenny is and he

says

she's one of them kathy she says no

jenny's our daughter

she was our daughter

she still is for me you forget what she

did to me

how dare she she burned my hand let's

kill her

our daughter they're they're all losing

their grip and i love the sheriff's like

those hands those hands

so the sheriff picks back up shooting at

the kids but suddenly ellen grabs him

through his shooting window

because she snuck right up to it and he

slices off one of her hands with the

same sword

and she collapses backward into the

garden below the window john and the

sheriff go

on a search for the last three remaining

kids forever

yeah they know how to kill them now they

explore a basement

for like five full minutes and find

nothing

like they come out with an axe but

that's all that that

the progress they made in this basement

scene then they go to a tool shed

and they also find nothing except for

apparently there's somebody hiding in

there throwing chickens at them

uh because as soon as they open the door

a chicken comes flying

full speed out of it like slams into the

door you know that a production

assistant just hucked this chicken at

the wall

that was not just a chicken jump for

sure

they notice that the tire swing is

moving and so they head back toward the

barn

where they discover the three kids left

and the sheriff shoves john aside before

just axing the [ __ ] out of these last

three kids well because john hesitates

yeah because uh one of the kids he's a

sucker

oh yeah that too that could be a reason

i think he's just a

sucker they wander slowly out of the

barn you know

depressed because they just murdered a

bunch of children and uh the sheriff

wanders over to sit in his cruiser for a

second and tries to radio in what

happened

when one-handed allen gets him from the

back seat

john angrily slashes her to shreds with

the katana

then he walks back around the car and he

pulls the sheriff's corpse

out of the car and lays it across his

lap and sleeps until

morning he doesn't go in the house where

his nine-month pregnant wife is worried

that he's dead

i'm sure she'll just have another

cigarette yeah he just sleeps there with

this dead guy

in his lap and uh never fills his wife

in on what happened

suddenly we hear her calling for help

and he freaks out and runs into the

house

and we find that her water has broken

and it's just this charming oh i thought

you were getting killed by atomic

children

but is you just your water broke okay

well okay let's move you to the bed

i'll get you some water we have a quick

montage with like happy music

then these slow panning shots across

these kids with stump arms

and then just piles of hands and fried

corpses

ellen's in like a dozen pieces on the

side of this car

like her legs and arms and hands and

head are all separated from each other

uh kathy has the baby and uh later

john wakes up to her breast feeding it

and moves to kiss her on the forehead

and then he looks down and he notices in

horror

that the baby has black fingernails

so when she did go through the fog it

did affect her yes it affected

because the children when going through

the fog get affected i get that

and i listen to like five other podcasts

review this movie

in preparation for this and all of them

were like they really don't explain how

this baby ever came in contact with the

fog and i was like when i re-watched it

the second time i was like

it happens in the first scene it's just

that every character in this movie is

completely interchangeable and you

forgot who that was

yeah totally you definitely had to watch

this movie more than once

to catch that but you don't have to

watch this movie more than once but

nobody watches this movie

except us because we're crazy people

yeah um i i will admit that my

my first viewing because i wasn't sure

how scary it was going to be

was was a a pg version

of watching this movie where every time

it started to get intense i was like

okay scrub scrub script scrub get past

this part

it really doesn't get that bad yeah i i

gave it i gave it a better

look when it wasn't dark out yeah so

watch

richard is not a fan of zombie movies in

general this is us torturing him making

him watch the zombie stuff

um but yeah uh presumably this couple is

also

either killed by the statewide rash of

atomic zombies are arrested for the

murder and dismemberment of several

unprovably zombie children because they

turn back into normal kids after you

kill them

it's like dead normal kids in many

pieces so

it's very unfortunate for them but

apparently there was

other kids that were affected by this

across the state which i guess the cloud

just kept blowing

oh is that the implication but it only

hit kids like

well it didn't affect me that's what i'm

saying i guess yeah

but it affects dogs like

no no the kid the kids like the kids but

that's why

when they touch things it affects them

what it is it's a first hand

and second hand so firsthand it makes

you a zombie

secondhand it makes you get burnt

firsthand it makes you a zombie if

you're a

child secondhand it will

yeah i don't know i don't know if this

is maybe the kids have their windows

driver's licenses i don't know at what

point do we

not turn into a zombie i don't know the

rules of this um

i do know that none of it involves birds

at all

besides the town having raven in its

name so uh

yeah i guarantee you that that drawing

was done when the title was still

the children of raven's back yes and

then when they shortened it to just the

children

they took out any references to ravens

in the title and

forgot that that has nothing to do with

the story weird talent

claws coming out of the children and not

only not only is it a weird choice

and it looked like it was like a a rough

draft of it it also looks like

a high schooler drew it like it looks

like something that would be scribbled

on the back of a textbook

not like in a feature film

the director for this film i said before

was the very unpopular onset

max kelmanowicz this was his second to

last directing credit before dreams come

true

in 84 which is another troma film

although i think that was actually

produced by troma

his most recent credits are all sound

mixing and boom operating actually

the writer carlton j albright just this

and dreams come true and luther the geek

the other writer edward terry was the

original director

and he doesn't have any other credits

other than luther the geek the music

here was harry manfredini he has lots of

credits that we went through in our

friday the 13th review

but that's probably still his most

celebrated work and the bulk of his imdb

pages

friday sequels like next friday and

friday after next

no he didn't do those he did the friday

the 13th movies martin shakar or shaker

was john fremont he was travolta's

priest brother

frank jr in saturday night fever he also

plays adams in invasion usa which is one

of my favorite

golan globus productions they played at

the new beverly all the time

gill rogers was sheriff billy hart he

plays a gangster in blast of silence did

you watch blast

of silence with me that was part of

patton oswalt's festival

it was not sound familiar it's a really

cool gangster movie where like an

assassin is sent to kill a mob boss

but it's good stuff gail garnett was

kathy fremont

she'll be back later this year in bob

clark's tribute that's what the film is

called tribute

and she's the voice of francesca in mad

monster party

yeah shannon belin played molly

she doesn't have a lot of credits but

this is her last one joy glackum

was susie mckenzie she'll show up next

year on the prowler

and she just passed away in september of

last year fairly young i think

that's the girl that was flirting with

uh with the deputy

jephthah evans was paul mckenzie

presumably a sibling of clara evans

another of the titular children

clara evans was jenny fremont so even

though they're siblings they

were not playing siblings in the film

the only other evans in the credits is

judith evans for paintings

which is possibly the mother of these

two not the nude paintings credit though

that was res williams is credited for

nude paintings i didn't even see any

nude paintings in this movie

sarah albright was ellen chandler she is

the daughter of the writer

and the sister of fellow child nathaniel

albright who

also plays a paramedic in nine episodes

of law order

uh peter maloney was frank i don't

remember who frank was well

hank and frank oh frank twins

yeah peter maloney oh okay that's

benning's then yeah he's benning's in

the thing

we just had him as lee mchugh in

hiding plain sight he was one of the

reporters that interviews james con as

he's coming out of the courthouse

i found i was trying to figure out who

lima q was in that movie without having

to watch it over again

and i googled it and what i found was an

article by

lee something else i forget the guy's

last name

who lee mchugh was based on and it was

him complaining about how reporters are

portrayed in film

and he said i myself had the displeasure

of being portrayed in film

uh in this terrible movie called hide in

plain sight

and i was just like oh this is like the

actual guy that the character was

playing complaining about it

peter maloney he's great jesse abrams

was clarky fremont he has the same last

name as the cinematographer

who knows rita montone played dd shore

she's a hooker in maniac which imdb

calls a 1980

film but it was first released in

america in 81 in case you're wondering

why we haven't covered it

martin brennan played sanford butler

jones

it's possible he's only this film

because he allegedly dealt cocaine to

the entire cast and crew

during the production and jd clark plays

jim

and then in parentheses hard hat i'm

guessing he's one of the guys walking

away from the planet at the beginning

yeah his only other credit was city

slicker in wanda nevada

which was written by dennis hacken the

screenwriter of her previous episode

bronco billy

the special effects makeup artists and

the makeup artist for the film

went on and continue on to have

illustrious makeup careers

i would hope so because it actually

looks really great like one of them

worked on the irishman

oh really yeah like it was still working

this makeup was the best part of this

movie

by far yeah i would agree with that

i think the score actually works in

places it's

i guess it just feels derivative to me

because i'm so familiar with friday the

13th and psycho then i'm just like

yeah yeah this isn't very original but

it's actually

before friday the 13th that it's the

same guy so it's not even derivative

it's rerivative i don't know

derivative it's rivetive

the music was privative yeah so uh one

of the makeup artists carlo

uh carla white recent credits are

the irishman joker joy

the audition which is crazy uh the

intern

what's the audition uh that was a robert

de niro like it was a short

thing oh okay but but he she a lot of

her credits are to mr de niro so she she

must be

his specifically yeah uh silver alliance

playbook to

again to de niro i imagine in the

irishman a lot of her work was getting

covered up by computers

which would be unfortunate uh probably

but i i just thought it was interesting

that that the makeup

you know these are early early makeup

career uh for both the makeup artists

and

uh they went on to well bigger and

better things if anyone here deserved to

go on to bigger and better things it was

the makeup artist

jess is this an up or down for you this

is a big old down

richard what do you think uh this is

gonna be a down um

yeah i'm not into it i'm also gonna give

it a down

it was it's a fun single serving horror

movie but

it's really not worth your time there's

more important stuff to see i think

lists all right richard where's this

going on the list

um i am putting this uh

i'm putting this below

up the academy but above nothing

personal

blow up the academy really yeah

wow okay you hated this i guess i should

have expected that

wait is that like how many from the

bottom is that for you it's really close

it's it's really close to the bottom

yeah it's in the bottom 10 right or the

11

yeah jeez just

i mean i guess i'm i'm pretty close to

the bottom too but i'm not quite that

far down

i think i will put this

above the happy hooker ghost hollywood

but below private eyes which puts it

i don't know about 11 from the bottom i

guess okay so

so exactly where i have mine yes about

11

from the bottom all right i'm going to

put mine let's say about 11 from

no i'm not i'm putting it higher than

that it's going to go just below windows

and just above death ship which is like

20 from the bottom i recounted it it's

12 for joe okay 12 from the bottom so i

i

loved this movie yeah she like ordered

two copies at least

even though it's free more than me i

think that's everything for this one if

you guys have any thoughts you'd like to

share with us

we are vintagevideopod on twitter

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vintage video podcast thank you so much

for listening and i hope you'll join us

next time

when we'll be discussing the island

which imdb describes like so

a journalist takes his son with him to

investigate pirate activity

off the coast of florida but he gets

stranded on a mysterious island

where he might not be alone that

undersells the movie by a long shot i am

actually so glad

i didn't hear that before i watched the

movie

i didn't know anything going into that

i'm glad we watched it ahead of time

come back for the island next time come

back we'll leave you now with the

trailer

for the island the caribbean

[Music]

a vacationers paradise and yet this

region was once

a stronghold for outcasts

thieves and murderers

a savage race that vanished hundreds of

years ago

but what if there were survivors

and what if they kept their existence a

secret

from the outside world

what if someone found out

the island where civilization as we know

it

has taken a bizarre turn who are you

i mean all of you are are you some kind

of

religious cult

[Music]

if i'd wanted to hit you i could have

hit you you speak to your father

you're not my father stop this make

please

[Music]

fire

[Music]

pirates tonight sounds crazy but you

better believe me

all those who have discovered the island

have never been seen again

[Music]

the island the super thriller from the

author of jaws

and the deep find the main odd man cut

[Music]

now the most terrifying thing in the

water is

the island