we're on a mission from god

wendy so i got that going darling

looks like i picked the wrong way to

quit sniffing blue light

of my life we enjoy your films

i thought they smelled bad on the

outside

[Music]

welcome to vintage video where we're

re-watching the 80s so you

don't have to we'll be reviewing every

major film release of the 1980s in real

time i'm patrick o'reilly

i'm jesse bayless and i'm richard wells

and today marks the 40th anniversary of

the release of holy moses

exclamation mark on june 13 1980 it was

written by guy

thomas and directed by gary weiss and

released by

columbia pictures the film was

protested by various orthodox jewish

groups i guess understandably any movie

about

this period of time with these

characters is going to have that

an early draft of the film was titled

the book of herschel

this and in god we trust were the two

1980 comedies that basically tried to

write the coattails

of 1979's life of brian yeah

and both films were critical and

commercial failures

was it writing coattails of life of

brian this movie felt so much more

like history of the world part one which

is after this which is after this which

was really weird to me because i thought

for sure

i was looking it up after the fact that

i'm like this has got to be

based on that no it actually has cast

members and comments they must have been

even

filming it right around the same time

maybe what is that 81 it's 81

yeah and it's possible both got both got

dom deluise and

madeleine khan in them that's true but

you can't do a mel brooks movie without

those two

they're just required we start the movie

with

lots of amazing comedian names over

shots of the southern california desert

as israel playing israel weirdly the

score is almost like horror film here

as we're starting and we see a

pilgrimage tours bus

that's parked on the side of the road

loading up with a line of passengers on

a dusty road

the door closes on the last passenger

this is dudley moore's harvey

and eventually the passengers are able

to get the driver to stop and let him

in i really like the face that the

driver gives him when he gets on the bus

like he's like mimicking i can't tell if

he's trying to blow him a kiss

or if he's just like mimicking a sad

face like oh so poor you

but it's just so perfectly insulting

yeah this is a 15-day tour of the holy

land

and harvey takes his seat next to zoe in

the back of the bus

harvey basically just unloads on her

about a recently ended relationship

with a girl who was cheating on him the

tour guide is asking people to introduce

themselves so that they get to know each

other better for this

long long drive a kid in the front row

here

is planting a fig tree in honor of his

parents

another passenger thinks that the waters

of bethesda will cure his blindness

dudley stands to tell the group about a

mix up at the travel agency that sent a

rabbi to paris in his place so he's here

and the rabbi

wanted to be here they stop at their

first

like location i don't know what they're

supposed to be seeing here but they're

stepping out of the bus

onto the side of the road well it's it's

supposedly a location where

jesus fasted our next stop will be the

mount of temptation where christ

bastard for 40 days and 40 nights

so we're gonna have lunch there

[Music]

but uh as they're getting off the bus uh

harvey snags one of the figs off of the

fig tree that the kid is carrying and

offers it to zoey

and uh while they're talking her hat

blows away in the wind

and they climb up onto what i'm pretty

sure as vasquez rocks and they

are trying to find this hat but they

find a cave and inside the cave they

find this ancient vase with a scroll

inside of it

which they just pull out with their bare

hands and unroll on the floor of this

cave

harvey conveniently can read aramaic

because he is a language professor

and uh we're cutting way back in time

i'd say about 2000 years

close to give or take 20. a woman is

putting a baby

in an ark and she pushes it down a river

but on the way it passes a slave father

doing the same thing with his son

and uh the first baby pushes the second

baby away as they are coming up on

the pharaoh's daughter who is bathing in

the river

as they float past her she grabs the

first child

of the two arcs to raise as her own and

she names it moses

i didn't realize that ark was a general

term for

a boat i guess yeah

vessel because we also call it the ark

of the covenant

so um oh it's the same definition it's

just something that carries something

else i don't know

i don't know all the definitions of arc

apparently well and

you can put an ark on a ship that's the

rule

the father rushes in and he offers his

slave services to protect the baby he

says he would do anything for it like it

was his own son

and then he sees the baby he's like oh

this is not

you haven't seen another rock around

here have you gone

uh listen it'll take a second same kind

of arc

same colors brown instead of white you

know what i mean same kind of kid too

but

gosh and he's like trying to find his

own kid and he just runs away

and notices that his son has washed up

further down shore

next to a different family not as high

up in uh

they're not slaves but they're higher

higher caste than he is

and uh they have a shop where they sell

idols they carve and sell idols and so

he offers himself as a slave to this

family

and herschel goes into the the idol

making business

we fast forward to his adulthood where

he's carving a fertility goddess

uh with 11 breasts i think by accident

you're supposed to have 12 maybe clearly

breasts

when more than two still have to come in

even numbers apparently

i guess i guess that's the rule no and

then that total recall

totally puts that come on let's use 80s

terms galaxina

made it clear that boobs can come in

threes

just like comedy

two girls come in to model for herschel

apparently they've done this before

and when he says he doesn't have

anything for them to model for they ask

if they can play the game where they

dress as slaves and he dresses

as the pharaoh and they handle his

scepter and

his father who is posing as an unrelated

slave in the background is kind of

disgusted by this because

he doesn't want his son being corrupted

like this

zoe enters as zerelda now

um but i should mention that herschel is

this is also dudley moore who's playing

harvey and zarelda who enters is also

lorraine newman who is playing zoe

so zoe enters as zerelda and she's

looking for a god

she's she's like okay well i'm here to

get a god for someone

he's like oh is this for your husband

and she's like no no no

she usually shops down at chuck full of

gods but they don't have

what she's looking for right now and

he's and he mentions that they don't

have the same forgiving return policy

either

he offers her a god hathor

and uh zerelda wants to know what

sacrifices this god takes

and so he's like i'm gonna have to check

and then he talks to hysop and he's like

heisop is the is his father the slave

and he says

oh she wants to know what uh what

sacrifices

uh hathor takes and he says virgins

everything on this side of the shop

takes virgins unless otherwise mark

zereld is intimidated by the word virgin

it seems

and turns to leave the store because

she's suddenly not interested in buying

anything here

heisop warns herschel on a trip into the

desert that bandits will probably

intercept them and steal everything that

they have

and he's like are you kidding we have

all these gods with us like why would

anybody mess with us

hysop starts asking for a fancy new neck

shackle

but herschel is not willing to splurge

and get him one

he's like come on all the other slaves

are going to have neck shackles i'm

going to be walking around on this and

he's like look i don't have money to

waste on this what you have is fine

i think i was asking for diamonds but

what

our emeralds

it's a reflection on you you know i mean

it's lot that i look like this

um but then as they move out of town

bandits do strike

uh first we see an avalanche of rocks

and he's like oh no it's just an

avalanche avalanche just happened and

they look up and there's bandits and

he's like budgets

and he says look we don't we don't have

anything of value we just have idols

here

so there's nothing that you'd want and

he says throw down your valuables

and then his slave father says does that

mean

hardly and before they can even step out

of the cart they

set a circle of idols on the ground to

protect them in case they're about to

get murdered

one of the bandits picks one up and he

says oh is this a

is this a strong god and he says are you

kidding that's like the strongest god

that there is

and he just smashes it in his hands and

so they're like well

you lied to us this is all trash and now

we have to kill you guys

and he says well shouldn't you leave at

least one of us alive so that we can

tell the story of how vicious you were

and he's like that's a good point i

guess we'll just kill one of you and

he's like which one which one which one

like immediately like hold on wait i

need to know this this is very important

hisop is released to escape and herschel

is tied to a stake in a fire

so uh they leave with him just tied up

in this fire and islam comes back and

he's like oh my god you're still alive

that's great

it's time to save you and as he gets

close to the like this is hot

this is very hot how can you stand it in

there like

like he's just enjoying it and just

hanging out he starts spitting at the

fire like he's gonna put it out that way

and he's like

you spit from that side too but uh then

eventually he tells herschel to just

pull the pole out of the ground and walk

away from it

this pole is like a smooth cylinder

and should be able to slide right out of

the ropes that are binding his hands but

for no reason he's carrying the pole

around through the desert as they

escape herschel is running a shoe shine

in a new town that they head to

and when the roman soldier looks down he

sees that herschel has painted

shoes onto him even though he was he was

wearing sandals but now he has

shoe polish all over his feet so that

they look like he's wearing shoes

and he's like oh that's a that's a look

i saw in carthage and it's like is this

character supposed to be a time traveler

because i don't know why he would do

that on accident

but later he works in the palace

and he's like a housekeeper he has like

a cart that he's pushing stuff into and

walking around

and there's a room with a bunch of high

priests in it and they're talking about

how the pharaoh keeps killing people

and uh they need a new stargazer but

they know if the person gets anything

wrong the pharaoh's gonna kill them and

they're like we need to find someone

real stupid that's willing to do it

and then he pushes his cart into that

room and they're like oh hey you're

perfect

and then weirdly we cut to herschel

preparing for his first orgy

like suddenly he's high up enough that

he's getting invited to orgies

but it's not like an official like

pharaoh's orgy it's just an orgy that's

happening at his house

but just as it's about to get started um

hisop enters

and he's like applying fruits to him as

perfume

like he gives he literally just squirts

lemon all over him and then

taps a grapefruit behind his ears but

herschel gets word that

he's being called away to the front

before the orgy can start

heisop cries because he thinks that he

might never see his son again

and here's where he reveals to him that

he is actually hershel's father

and to prove it he brings out the ark

that he still has

which you know the family hired him

as a slave the day that he was found

like he could have just grabbed the ark

then that's not proof that you're his

father but

he believes him and he's almost

emotional too that that

his father is alive and yeah they can

meet him and it seems like they're

trying to play it up like a joke like

oh well that means i'm the son of a

slave but i don't i don't want to be asl

i'm happy with what i'm doing right now

i don't

i don't want to like suddenly be a slave

and they try and play it up like it's a

joke about how selfish he's being

when his father wants him to to

like just be family and for them to be

friendly with each other

but it just it doesn't come across as

funny really

the conversation that they're happening

just feels like a genuine conversation

between these two characters like

nobody would judge him for not wanting

to be a slave in this moment

yeah but i mean but they make it look

like he's being selfish

it's as equally not funny as most of

these jokes have been though i guess

yeah but it just felt like there they

could have gone further to make it clear

that he's like

disgusted by the income group that his

father belongs to

yeah compared to where he's ended up

somehow

but together they decide that they're

going to burn this arc to keep the

secret from the pharaoh so that he

doesn't get

beheaded because i guess seeing an arc

would it merely mean that you were

oh you're a slave exactly this is

clearly the arc of a slave

yes a chariot races through the desert

passed a sign indicating that war is

that way

herschel tries to tell his ride that he

has the flu and he doesn't want everyone

at the front to get sick so

maybe we should turn around i feel

really bad and when that doesn't work he

says oh

you know i just remembered i left my

wallet back at the at the place we

should probably go back for and they're

just not listening to him they just take

him right up to the place

herschel meets with the young pharaoh

and uh

he's sitting on his throne and the

pharaoh makes him test fruits

and uh he's like oh why don't you have a

fruit and he starts to eat one he's like

yeah the the food taster is unavailable

which i think means

poisoned to death um and so he's like

why don't you just uh eat a couple of

those fruits and let me know if you're

still alive

and he doesn't want to do it so he's

like filling his mouth with this fruit

but he's never swallowing anything

and then he gets the pharaoh to like

look away for a second so he can spit it

all on the floor

but every line that the pharaoh says

here i think is dubbed over

it feels like that it's very weird i

wonder if it's to try and match

the voice later of the adult pharaoh i

so i was confused by this

is he supposed to be the same pharaoh as

the fair later in the movie

i don't know he is yeah because he he'll

say

it's like i remember you my old

stargazer oh okay

then yes but uh so maybe they dubbed him

over because they wanted to try and make

him sound more like richard pryor and

the kids down to decidedly on richard

pryor

spoiler alert walking through the desert

herschel sees a pack of hittites

and he turns to try and warn the

opposing army the pharaoh's army

but nobody seems to care they're just

like you know that's why we're here we

were here to kill those people

and uh after a very quick battle the the

pharaoh's army has lost

and herschel rips a piece of fabric off

of one of his own soldiers to wave as a

white flag

but then the rest of the army is killed

and herschel wakes up later under a pile

of arrows

somehow still alive he's the only

surviving member of this army

and just starts walking through the

desert and starving to death

and dying of dehydration and as he's

walking through he

crashes head on into shadrick in the

desert this is

uh dom deluise in his third role for the

year and uh

it's just like an awkward confrontation

where they could have passed each other

by

you know miles but instead they just

happen to literally crash into each

other walking

and they're like oh hey oh man i haven't

seen you in forever

anyway it was good to see you like you

should do lunch

like they just don't have anything to

say and they're not planning on teaming

up to survive this they

just head off their separate directions

and dom de louise exits the picture

yes he's gone forever everybody comes

and goes in one scene

except for the the two keepers

i guess three you have the father and

the

and the two leads hershel comes upon a

camp

and he breaks bread with jethro

literally yes

they're just breaking bread on a tray

and uh jethro offers him one of his

daughters because he has seven

and only one of them married he and she

married an egyptian named moses with a

stutter

which uh i liked that detail because we

never hear moses talk in the whole movie

so it would have been funny to have just

a bit of that

later but it doesn't happen well moses

also uh

historically was bad at public speaking

oh okay so his brother really we know

that yeah

we know this okay and so we also know

for a fact that he parted the red sea

that's right uh so his brother is not

paying attention in

religion classes that's right if he had

a stutter

i i don't know if it was a stuff no the

stutter it was probably a list but

yeah or just nerves

uh but he the jethro brings all of his

daughters out to dance for them

and he notices that one of them is

zerelda and he says oh i'll marry that

one if she'll have me

and as a wedding gift jethro offers them

a tent on like a slanted rock

which they can very easily just move

this tent somewhere flat but they leave

it where it is

but that's the piece of land that he

gave them he's like here's a piece of

land

yeah it's just all slanty on her

sister's advice zerelda decides she's

going to impersonate a sheep on their

wedding night

that's not not her sister's advice to

impersonate a sheep

well her do what the sheep do yes

so misunderstanding her sister's advice

she impersonates a sheep on their

wedding

night but uh i really like this moment

yeah he it doesn't slow him down at all

but i like that

she's like laying on the bed waiting for

him to come in and

when he throws up in the tent she like

accidentally slides down the bed because

it's

like a 45 degree grade so she's just

sliding down this hill

and then he has to like climb up a rope

to get into the bed and lay down next to

her

um but then then they consummate the

relationship

and uh the next day we see them they uh

they've been invited to dinner with

moses

and uh herschel doesn't want to go he's

like just tell them i have a headache

it's just it's either dinner with your

father or dinner with moses and

i can't stand these people he gets back

to his work which is

corralling all of the the sheep that

have strayed and uh

jethro keeps yelling at him to get the

sheep over the hill so he moves over the

top of the hill where

he comes upon the burning bush speaking

with moses

but he overhears the conversation and

thinks it's for him and he comes back

down the hill and he tells zerelda

that god spoke to him and she's very

impressed

and they decide that they're going to go

on a journey to

free the slaves which is what god told

moses to do but herschel thinks it's his

job

and she believes him immediately yes

she's like she's fast god spoke to you

he's like did you tell him i said hi

it's like

well he did most of the talking um

like how did you know it was god jethro

are you kidding me i worked in the idol

i was in the business

yeah i would recognize it so on this

journey they come to a shallow stream

and herschel's like i did it i

i shrunk the stream so that we could

cross it but then we see that it's just

damned upstream

because these people are fishing this

was very confusing to me because it

wasn't like we saw

rushing water and then and then no water

we just come to like a stream

and like dried up stream bed with a

bunch of fish flopping around in it

yeah uh herschel comes across a beggar

and uh

he's asking for money because he is poor

and he's blind and he can't walk

and herschel says oh well i can restore

your vision and your ability to walk

but the guy is faking it and so he

doesn't want that he just wants the

money because that's how he

he makes a living and hershel goes to

poke his eyes and he says

what are you doing are you gonna blind

me and the people around it here like

oh my god he's not blind oh you say you

did it you rescued his vision

and then he just yanks him up onto his

feet and now he's walking around and

everyone thinks that he's actually cured

this person and

as a result a group of the village

people here hire herschel to scare away

a giant that's been attacking them

called amok

and uh there's a weird line here i feel

like it just got red wrong

where when they're describing the giant

to him the guy says

the the giant is nine cubits from crotch

to foot

and then zerelda says that means that

he's got a 12

foot ince and she stops at the word

inseam

where i think she should have stopped at

the word 12 foot

right like wouldn't the joke have been

that she was remarking on the size of

something else

i don't know maybe she's trying to

explain it what a cubit is

well i don't know but she says well that

means he has a 12 foot ins

and the other person says yes inseam and

he's like well what how do you know his

inseam

and what are you a tailor and he says

i'm his tailor like i literally make

clothes for the giant

but then he starts asking the card he's

like well how about just opening your

hearts and loving this

this creature like have you ever

considered that what has he ever done to

you and

she's like nothing nothing but he

squashed my grandmother once

it was horrible she was lying on the

ground her eyes were bulging out

everything

like all these people are like i guess

you're right i mean we really didn't

give him a chance but he has killed many

of us

so herschel heads out into the fields

with a slingshot and he throws a couple

of rocks

at the giant but he i think he hits them

in the balls

both times yeah and uh he says he was

aiming for his face but

instead of taking this giant out he just

pisses it off and it completely destroys

the whole village

um we don't see any of this we just see

the giant getting angry and then cut to

the survivors of this village

destruction there's a lot of things that

we don't see

yeah they they do a lot of like like

oh there's that over there i guess i'll

go over there now off camera

yeah to this thing that i'm describing

but uh

yeah that's true but so now they're

selling him into slavery at the salt

mines

and uh very quickly he moves his way up

to the point where he's like

sitting on top of the rock that people

are moving because he's just

a slick talker and he keeps getting

promoted but

as they're moving this enormous rock

like

like a pyramid-sized rock um not a full

pyramid but the size of rocks that they

built pyramids out of

and they accidentally drop one onto a

guard's foot

and so as punishment herschel is thrown

into just a hole in the ground

which i think is another salt mine like

entrance like he falls into the holes of

the salt mine and when he lands in this

hole

there's an angel in there with him and

he's like i don't understand what's

going on i shouldn't be here like

god spoke to me and then he recites some

of what god said in an impression to god

and the angel's like wow that's you have

him

down that's incredible like that just

sounds like him that's

you should share that with more people

that's incredible um

but he says well now if you're an angel

like

you should help me out of here because

i'm the chosen one like i'm supposed to

save

the slaves and and the people in the

name of god and he chose me for this

mission

he's like look i'm i can't do anything

unless i have like a form and it's

signed and it's got your name on it and

it's gotta be from somebody like way

high up like

it needs to be somebody important for me

to get you out of here but

uh i i don't have that so i'm gonna go

my wings are tied basically

so he starts to fly out of this hole and

then herschel just grabs his legs

so that he can escape and the angel's

like what are you doing let go let go

what like like he's the forklift driver

and hercules in new york

but when he gets up out of the hole then

herschel just gets down and runs off

we cut to herschel basically just

jumping aboard a passing carriage of a

sorceress

which the back of the carriage says aunt

jocobel

is that her i'm i'm assuming because

she's only credited as a sorceress but

um and she tells him not to eat or drink

anything but he does

and nothing happens and there's no

payoff yeah

well i mean he is slightly enamored with

her and she throws him out

he does seem like he's that is all that

happens he's slipping a little bit into

his arthur voice so i get the impression

that he's supposed to be mildly at least

intoxicated

yeah but he's i mean the the sign on the

back was

uh advertising that these were

uh aphrodisiacs oh okay i'd miss that

and so

when he eats the fruit and drinks the

elixirs he's enamored with her and it's

like oh the light in your hair is so

beautiful

kicks him out of the thing so he just

goes tumbling down

this embankment oh but before they get

separated

she does tell him that uh his wife has

taken up with amok the giant

and he's like how much longer is it

i don't know gonna have to ask the rest

of that and and

and she indicates that they're in new

sodom which is the town that they're

going to

right which this is a fictional sequel

to

the the biblical sodom which was

destroyed already

and it seems like they just built it

right back up to get back to work

herschel poses as a eunuch to get

through the doors of new sodom

and uh as he's walking through the main

courtyard he sees a puppet show with

like a marionette dominatrix

just whipping another another character

he notices that the angel that he was in

the hole with is flirting with two women

but he's wearing like

a blanket over his wings something you

can't tell he's in a kind of looks like

a hunchback

exactly and uh he notices him and calls

out to him and then chases him around a

corner

where he tries to hide in a room full of

angels and

when he follows him in there like who's

this guy and then he explains so he says

that he's the

chosen one and that he spoke to god

actually you should do your impression

for these guys because they'll

appreciate it

and he's like no i'm not i'm not gonna

do look i'm just telling you what

happened

he told me on the chosen one i'm

supposed to save the slaves but this

meeting that they're having

is about destroying new sodom because

they already destroyed sodom

and it just sprung back up so they have

to make it

much worse the second time but then a

woman is knocking on the door

and she's it's this is mrs memnet and

she's like

hey there's not supposed to be any women

in here there's not any women in there

right and they're like no there's no

women in here

and she's like there's not any sheep in

there either right he's like oh my god

this town disgusts me

so the they plot the destruction of new

sodom

and they've settled on firing brimstone

because they're worried that a plague

could uh not do the trick uh the leader

of the angels gives herschel

until midnight to find his wife and to

escape new sodom before they will

destroy it with fire and brimstone

but she can't look back because if she

looks back

she's going to turn into salt just like

lot's wife with the first sodom

hearst sneaks into a party and is

mistaken very quickly for a wine server

at the door herschel encourages the

crowd to change their sinful ways before

the town is destroyed

he finds his wife and he gives her a

little bit of [ __ ] about amok

but she says oh no it was purely

physical

which is not what he wanted to hear but

he

gets her out of the the building and

then out of the town and they're

moving down the sidewalk or they're

moving down the path away from

new sodom before he even starts to tell

her about the rule of not looking back

um and explaining it properly so she

turns and looks back

and very quickly turns into a pillar of

salt but he brings it with him

so he's just carrying her around now

this seems like it would be really heavy

if it was just solid salt

he sits on a rock far outside of town

and just

mourns the loss of his wife who i kept

thinking was like oh she's gonna come

back eventually like

oh here comes the devil he's going to

make a deal with the devil and he's

going to get his wife back no she's

done she's done for this movie but i do

love

john ritter's devil costume yes it's

just like a walmart devil costume

it's just a leotard with horns it's so

cheap looking

yeah um i did like to when he's he's

talking about well you know i used to be

an angel you know i wasn't always a bad

guy

we were partners before and he's like

how did you become the devil and he's

like

well you know he just sort of came out

he's like hey try this on

like implying that he literally threw

that costume at him and was like

hey put this on okay now you're the

devil um

but he he sits on the rock next to him

and he tells him

you know i don't get enough credit for

the stuff i did like i invented three of

the four seasons

also trees like you like trees he's like

oh yeah trees are great

you deserve more credit for that i'm

sorry it's like thank you

anyway and he's like shouldn't you be in

hell and he's like there's a bunch of

people that just got

damned over there i gotta collect them

and he's like oh that makes sense okay

so the devil leaves and uh we cut to

uh herschel getting home and

hysop is sweeping up a plague of live

frogs

this bothered me a lot it always bothers

me yes when they do this where

a character might be stepping on a live

animal in the scene

well and even if he wasn't stepping a

live animal he's poking them with like a

straw broom yeah but these are real

frogs you can see them hopping around

and they were definitely live fish in

the dried up riverbed earlier flopping

around

for some reason i don't care about fish

that's weird you're weird

i would just pick that fish up and bite

its head off that's not a problem but

these frogs

they're cute but yeah he's sweeping up

these frogs

and uh herschel walks in and he says hey

moses the guy that you heard so much

about he's not the chosen one

he i'm the chosen one he's just you know

he's he's my brother-in-law i know him

like we're married to sisters

and his father's like oh my god you're

married like i didn't think you were

ever gonna get married he's like oh yeah

she's right outside hold on let me go

get her

and so he brings in this salt pillar and

sets it down and

i can't tell what isop's reaction is to

this salt pillar

i don't think it's clear enough but it

seems like

he either just thinks his son is crazy

and is disgusted by it or he can tell

what happened and that she looked back

at new sodom and was turned into a

pillar because

apparently lot's wife is famous enough

that you would know what happened right

i don't know i kind of felt it was like

when you you know you meet somebody

who's got a real doll for a

yeah it's like lars on the real girl um

but uh but yeah so he's like you know

what why don't we just i don't want to

have a daughter-in-law that got chipped

so why don't we just throw a blanket

over

and he covers her up herschel wants to

clear up the confusion with moses

so he heads down to speak with the

pharaoh

and they're invited in like like they're

at a

audition for a talent show basically

so he's backstage and he's like what is

your thing and he's like oh i'm a

prophet

he's like okay the prophet you're up

next why don't you come over this way

and he goes to perform for the pharaoh

but the pharaoh is not impressed

uh he's not able to do anything

especially magical

the pharaoh throws a snake on the floor

like a cane snake thing magic

and uh herschel throws his cane on the

floor and it doesn't turn into a snake

and he's just like oh it takes a while

to warm up

everyone starts laughing at it i for a

second i thought that

it was gonna turn into like everyone

thinks he's funny and so he's just gonna

tell jokes here and like win the crowd

over

but no he's just just not performing

miracles

and the pharaoh is just angry at him

when

and the pharaoh goes on and on about

moses he's like moses was the real deal

yeah you see all the stuff he did yeah

because

moses was like the david blaine of this

time period

the pharaoh basically disappointed with

his magic show orders him beheaded

and then a barbershop quartet rolls out

to take the stage

um hysop follows him out of the room

with a basket that he brought

to collect herschel's head after the

pharaoh cuts it off

because he knew this was going to happen

but uh we i skipped a

point here that when he says no you have

to let all the slaves go god told me

that he was sending me here to get you

to let all the slaves go and he's like

what are you talking about i already did

that like

moses came in here and told me to do

that he's like that already happened but

i thought i was the chosen one and so

this is his first like moment of doubt

where he's realizing oh crap like

i guess i misunderstood something or i'm

doing something wrong outside of the

of the pharaohs chambers hysop meets the

angel from before

he is a fallen angel now and he claims

that he cannot help

but hysops starts sobbing and talking

about his son

and how he misses him and he doesn't

want him to die and uh

then the the former angel of the lord

agrees to try to help

so they head to hersh's dungeon cell

which has

they can see him through the window and

they tie some rope around the prison

bars

and the angel flies away holding the

other side of the rope

and completely tears these bars out so

it like rips basically the whole wall

apart but it also rips his wings off

right um one falls off and then

after they both leave the other one

falls off so they go to visit with

moses back uh near jethro

in the mountains and

heisop is playing with moses's trick

staff like he throws it on the ground

and it turns into a snake he's like wow

this thing is great like this is

wonderful

um herschel is sitting here carving the

ten commandments

and uh he picks them up to deliver to

moses so that moses can take them up to

the mountain

and then pretend they came directly from

god i figured we were gonna do

a joke like uh history of the world part

one yeah i

i kept thinking that and then i was like

well he's definitely not gonna drop one

of these because they would not have

done that a year later in a mel brooks

movie if it happened here but

i just figured that there was gonna be

some sort of catch like oh

the reason that the ten commandments are

the way they are is because of xyz

right yeah although they kind of get one

of those in there because

isop's like honor thy mother and father

did you include that one

that was mine yeah so he hands them off

to moses moses takes them up the

mountain

and then back in his tent uh herschel

basically relents that moses was the

chosen one he's

he's upset he's like i don't understand

why this whole time i thought i was

the chosen one and it has been him he's

finally accepting it

but uh after he leaves the tent uh his

father goes up to

his wife the salt pillar statue and he

chips a little bit off into his soup to

salt it

which uh i thought was great well

there's and there's big portions of her

missing

yeah so they've clearly been doing first

time

herschel brings a massive idol up to

onto the mountain to lure god down so he

can have an argument with him

and immediately god destroys it and

starts speaking to him

but the conversation they have here

there's not even jokes in it really

no it's just him shouting at god why did

you let me believe that

and god says i let you believe it

because you were still doing good and

you were and i

you were acting through me and you made

these commandments and you gave them to

moses so that he could bring them to the

people

and then it seems like he screws up a

line

and they just left it in the movie did

you hear this

which line well because at the end of

this conversation

basically god goes crazy and like storms

on him to prove how powerful he is

which wasn't up for debate and then he

stops the storm and he's like yeah

that's great

and he says i i worked through you you

gave him the stones and he'll bring them

to the people

and he says am i going to beli am i

going to be remembered for my

participation in any of this it's like

why did why did they

like it would be very easy to just cut

the first part of that

but he clearly cuts mid-word believe

and then changes like starts the

sentence over and they left the whole

thing in

yeah it just felt like they're doing

another take

yeah just doing hercules in new york you

can do more than one take

ridiculous um god assures him that

someone will remember him eventually but

he doesn't specify who or when or where

and uh he also says no more impressions

of me because you don't sound like me

and you're not

you're not impressing anyone and we fade

back to the present

where they're just finishing reading

this well they're not done reading it

but they hear the horn honking and

they're like oh well i guess we have to

go

so they take the scroll out of the cave

i thought they would put it back in the

pot to take it out of the cave but they

just walk out of the cave holding it

but it completely disintegrates in a

light breeze

and harvey wonders why god would let

them take it

if it's just gonna get destroyed and zoe

says

that god works in mysterious ways and

as they're getting onto the bus harvey

is caught in the doors again and god

laughs at him

and that's the end of the film

yeah it's uh it's a it pales in

comparison to

the other ones i'm not excited for in

god we trust later this year

yeah because i feel like it's going to

be a lot like this again

i mean i really did just feel like it

was a a poor imitation

of uh of history of the world part one

which doesn't exist yet so

well it's weird too because they must

have been super nervous making that

movie

if they started on it after life of

brian and then

every movie that came out that was in

that vein since then has just been a

tragic misfire like i wonder if he was

worried like we need to punch this up

like

we need to make sure that there are

jokes constantly none of this can drag

yeah and but history of the world is

also a little different than that it

covers more than one

time period right so and it's all over

the world too yeah

and so like life of brian and this movie

are are very similar they even

share some of the same jokes the the

beggar the blind beggar

it was a lot like the michael palin's ex

leper right he was like oh

i was cured i had i had a i had a life

in a trade as a leper but then jesus

cured me and now i got nothing

yeah i was especially bothered by when

he gets to new sodom

and he wants to go inside and you see

the guy up on the top of the wall

talking down to him and they're shooting

the face through like

what are they called on the top of a

castle the battlements through the

battlements

and it was just like come on really

you're gonna use this exact shot from

like the monty python stuff but yeah

they did

um and they it just turned out that they

didn't really have enough of a story

there even with this incredible cast

and a bunch of them are wasted like dom

de louise

is fine i guess like he's not as funny

as he was in last married couple

but he's funnier than fatso but richard

pryor is terrible in this movie

he's not funny yeah nothing he does is

funny

gregory hines is much better in history

of the world yes

yeah but i was just the whole time i was

like oh this is sad like

i don't know if like he was like

literally intoxicated on set but

he looks like sweaty and like angry to

be there

and it doesn't it doesn't feed into the

character at all it just seems like

not good i think i would have been angry

to be there too

but everybody else is pulling their way

like dudley moore is carrying this

entire movie on his shoulders like

yeah nobody else is doing anything to

help him yeah

and it's not lorraine newman's fault

either because she's written very poorly

there's nothing for her to do and we

never get a sense of her motivations

but i love her she's great but

i just felt like that going through the

credits at the beginning of this movie

we were like oh my god oh my god

yeah and even like like weird like

little bits like john ritter coming out

as the devil

and it's like this is really funny i

wish that there had been a reason for

the devil to be here

right there wasn't there's no it didn't

factor into the plot at all

it was just kind of like oh there goes

the devil he'll say a few funny things

and then he'll walk away

and it felt like all of the funniest

people just had cameo parts

yeah madeline khan was completely wasted

it was like

simon level tragedy of like not getting

her to say anything

yeah but thank goodness for history of

the world the next year

yes because natalie khan is amazing yes

um the director here was gary weiss who

was a longtime director of saturday

night live which i think makes sense

because i feel like a lot of these

scenes were just

directed on the fly they were just like

here's the premise of this scene

this is going on you're this person

you're this person go

and like let them talk it feels like a

lot of rejected saturday night live

sketches but i think there's a lot of

improv going on in this movie too

because specifically when the angel's

like unless i have paperwork signed in

front of me like that felt like

something that

he would have come up with on the fly

and uh there's other scenes like that

too that just felt very specifically

improvised to me

but um gary weiss also plays the tv

director in manhattan

which unless i'm confusing it with annie

hall as the guy who's like sitting in a

room

uh sweetening the broadcast by like

turning up the

laugh track and he's just like oh this

is great you don't even need to make the

audience laugh anymore like you just

plug it in wherever you want it

the writer here was guy thomas he

doesn't have a lot of credits that i've

heard of

dudley moore was obviously harvey and

herschel and this is right between 10

and arthur for him so yeah

it's really sad like dip in the middle

um i don't think i've seen

ten julie andrews uh it's beau derrick

right this is

yeah um julie andrews i think is in that

is she in that also yeah well bo derek

is the titular

10 of the movie and we are both right

okay

about eric and julie andrews what's the

premise of ten

it's like a guy on vacation and he sees

this attractive woman and i don't

remember i

haven't seen it since you know we were

working at blockbuster

but it's a good movie yes okay it's a

it's a very well received film nominated

for two oscars what year was that

uh well the oscars were 1980 but it was

filmed in 1979.

okay um but he was also in the original

bedazzled

oh yeah i love that one that's great

lorraine newman

is wonderful she was zoe and zarelda

here she's

a member of the original saturday night

live cast she's in the coneheads movie

she was lawanda domore in problem child

two

with john ritter that's right uh she's

also frog eyed lady in fear and loathing

uh fear and loathing in las vegas of

course and she plays

the first lady in jingle all the way is

she literally like the first lady like

the president's wife

or is she just a first lady in a scene

i don't remember anything with the

president in there but i i feel like

that's like i was here first yeah and

that they just called her first lady

yeah uh james coco was hysop

he's great he actually does a really

great job in this it's him and dudley

moore are doing all the heavy lifting

yeah um but he was milo perrier in

murder by death it's a really great

character who keeps getting

mistaken for other nationalities and is

very upset about it

well that's the perot yeah it's a

reference to that

um he's also uh sancho ponza and uh man

of la mancha

which i think is another great role for

him and uh

he was moroni's bouncer and johnny

dangerously

paul sand here was coach finstock in

teen wolf 2.

if you'll recall we've mentioned coach

finn's talk on the show before

but this is not the one who wrote the

great muppet caper or up the academy

that was teen wolf 1. this is the guy

who took over the role

he played the angel of the lord in this

film jack gilford

was taylor he played bernie lefkowitz in

cocoons one and two

this is the guy who's the tailor for the

giant and he was dranika

in catch-22 and butterworth in arthur 2

on the rocks with dudley moore again

don deluise was shadrick this is his

third film for the year after fatso and

last married couple

and he's great but he's in it for five

seconds and he doesn't really get any

jokes

john houseman was the archangel he's the

leader of the angels that are

plotting the destruction of new sodom we

had him in the fog

and you can see that episode for more

credits from john houseman

madeleine khan was the sorceress she was

in simon and you can see more of her

credits

in that episode david l lander was uh

the beggar

the guy who was pretending to be blind

and couldn't walk he was squiggy on

laverne and shirley

and he was principal squiggy and scary

movie

and he plays smartass and roger rabbit i

don't remember who smartass would be

uh i believe he is the leader of the uh

the weasels oh okay that makes sense

yeah because

he's got that the squiggy voice and uh

richard pryor you probably know from

superman three

uh john ritter was the devil here he was

in wait wait wait wait wait wait

these are other movies what are the

movies richard pryor yes he has stir

crazy coming up later this year that's

gonna be a lot of fun

um a personal favorite of mine as far as

his uh

movies with uh with willy wonka go

is the hear no evil see no evil

it's like a lot of physical comedy but

that movie kills me every time i see it

john raider was the devil he was in hero

at large and

three's company at the time was still

running sam wiseman here was the talent

coordinator that's the guy who

lets him know when he gets to go on

stage for the pharaoh and he's acting

like a guy at a

comedy club asking how many minutes

people can do

he is a director he directed d2 the

mighty ducks

he directed georgia of the jungle he

directed the out-of-towners remake

and he also directed dickie roberts

former child star

did you ever see that no i went to an

early like test screener for that

but uh i remember it being okay yeah

but it was it had some legitimately

funny moments and i remember the first

scene of him in his apartment he has

like a regular poker night with all

these other like famous

people who were child actors and uh it

was it was i think screech was one of

them like all sitting around the table

that's good hap lawrence played the

blind man

on the bus he was sergeant mayor in the

nude bomb earlier this year and he'll be

back as a nudist

in loving couples and an endocrinology

fellow in altered states at the end of

the year yeah

andrea martin was zipporah that was

sister of

zerelda um she's an sctv regular

i recognized her right away from what

what was yours well from hedwig

okay she's she's like the manager of the

band from hedwig and the ingredient um

she is also the voice of

queen slug for a butt on earthworm gym

um i couldn't decide what credits to put

in for her so i picked the weirdest ones

but

she was i mean i think she's pretty

recognizable from my big fat greek

wedding as well

that's true that's probably one of her

biggest like the things she gets

recognized from the most

uh brian james was the guard at the

banquet he was leon kowalski and blade

runner

he's general monroe in the fifth element

and he plays requiem and tango and cash

and there's another 1989 film called the

horror show

that looks amazing and i can't wait till

we get to it it's going to be a while

but

what year 89

you have high ambitions yes uh walker

edmundston

was the voice of god here he's also the

voice of inferno on transformers which

is just

a perfect fit they're basically the same

character um he's also the voice of

harvey gabor on gem which is the he's

the father of

gems enemy character the leader of the

misfits pizzazz

who we've already had earlier this year

in midnight madness she was the only

girl on the blue team

he's also the radio announcer voice in

dick tracy

the 1990 dick tracy uh anita merritt was

a slave girl uncredited uh i don't know

which slave girl that would be but

she will be a mud wrestler in stripes

next year so

i thought it was worth bringing up jess

up or down

i'm gonna go down on this one i don't

think there's any reason to

watch it there there's a couple of

moments that are kind of funny but

really really not doesn't come together

as a movie i agree they're not all

bad jokes but there's not enough of them

here to warrant sitting down and

watching it

yeah so i would say down richard it's a

down for me as well

all right let's look at some lists jess

where is this going on your list

well it's uh

it's a little bit higher than the last

movie we watched but not much i'm

putting it below

uh humanoids from the deep and above

uh don't answer the phone so it's it's

below the windows threshold but

and in the bottom third of the the

movies for the year i think

okay uh i am

going to put this uh

i think i'm gonna put this below

hollywood nights

okay and which puts it above to all a

good night

okay um i think this is for me going

just above to all a good night and below

knight of the juggler

so right between the knights and mine

was also between the knights

oh yeah but this is a different kind of

night on one side

i think that's everything for this one

if you guys have any thoughts you'd like

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can find each of our full movie rankings

for the year

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vintage video podcast thank you so much

for listening and i hope you'll join us

next time when we'll be discussing

rough cut which imdb describes like so

two sophisticated jewel thieves join

forces to steal 30 million

in uncut jewels despite a continuous

exchange of quips

they eventually become romantically

involved that sounds like a spoiler

we leave you now with the trailer for

rough cut

enjoy the food my teeth are applauding

quite remarkable aren't you only quite

you'd love chinese food so you buy a

chinese restaurant

it makes sense a good investment you

have to work very hard not to work for a

living

you don't like work i saw enough of when

i was a kid watching my folks

i thought you were an orphan i was one

of lucky once i had parents

of course i never told them they were

adopted

you don't like being pinned down about

your past do you

pass boys me i'm only interested now

right now about your parents

you have the usual one of each my mother

was lovely she died five years ago my

father

he's not quite so lovely he's very cold

except for strangers of course does

daddy do

he's in the government oh high up

very high up it's not the queen is it