we're on a mission from god wendy so i got that going darling i picked the wrong way to quit sniffing blue light of my life we enjoy your films i thought they smelled bad on the outside [Music] welcome to vintage video where we're re-watching the 80s so you don't have to we'll be reviewing every major film release of the 1980s in real time analyzing the things you've seen and spoiling the things you haven't i'm patrick o'reilly another new tagline i gotta announce the spoilers at the beginning i told you that before all right i'm jesse bayless and i'm richard wells perfect and today marks the 40th anniversary of can't stop the music on june 20th 1980 i swear it's a coincidence that this is our 69th episode it was written by bronte woodward and alan carr from a first draft called the music never ends by bruce valanche written in four weeks directed by nancy walker and released by associated film distribution i would like to see the bruce valance version please sure yes that would be nice to avoid confusion i want to address it now that there's a person in this film who i will be addressing as caitlyn jenner with her preferred pronouns throughout that is the appropriate way to do it according to the style guide and to people that i checked with online so we will be using the preferred pronouns and current name of actress caitlyn jenner i guess you could call her an actress i don't know if she's an actress really she's only been in a couple movies but so personality sure there you go a later working title for this film was disco land where the music never ends nancy walker's three picture deal was rescinded after the critical and commercial failure of the film not a mistake i would say no not at all evidently her relationship with valerie perrine who plays samantha got so tense that she refused to direct any of valerie's scenes leaving the dp bill butler to handle them which if you'll recall is most of the scenes of the movie yeah the second and third planned films on her deal were an adaptation of the musical chicago and the josephine baker story starring diana ross of course now we know that chicago would go on to win best picture when it eventually got made i guarantee you that this version of chicago would not have done that oh no not at all the lead role was initially offered to olivia newton john who turned it down to do xanadu good choice yeah jaclyn bissett cher and raquel welch were also offered the role and all turned it down actually i think raquel welch didn't turn it down but other people in the cast and crew were like no we're not going to work with her they didn't want to work with her because they had heard that she was difficult on set or something like that john wilson the creator of the razzies credits a double feature of xanadu and can't stop the music for inspiring the awards ceremony in the first place so the watching these movies is what gave him the idea of the razzies which started this year and which can't stop the music won the razzie for worst picture it went to producer alan carr and worst screenplay went to carr which he would have shared with uh bronte woodard but woodard had passed away shortly after the film's release meaning the first razzy for screenwriting was awarded posthumously which seems shitty to me it only won those two but it was nominated in every category of the inaugural razzies except for supporting actor wait what were do you know what all the categories were i don't have them all in front of me but yeah i think on purpose they made the category so they could give one to everyone involved with this movie oh ironically the only village person constantly wearing a helmet was injured the worst on set when he lost his footing on the scaffolding during the i love you to death sequence and fell to the stage floor losing his helmet in the process and injuring his head requiring 12 stitches but the head injury doesn't account for the music because it was written before that scene that's true there's really no explaining well also there's like been like two dozen village people over the years that's true but this was one of the original guys okay half of the film's 20 million budget went to lavish parties thrown on a publicity tour as the film was being released um it shows yes yeah i definitely know it shows where that money went part of this went to a one-hour television special called magic night weeks before the film's release hosted by valerie perrine and it featured appearances by gutenberg hugh hefner cher just a bunch of random people trying to draw talk about the film before it came out as we've mentioned before protests against the production of cruising occasionally plagued to the production of this film by mistake the character of jack morrell was based on jacques morelli who wrote all of the music for the village people and also for david london and the richie family the three groups that are featured in the film soundtrack david london who is credited with singing samantha is actually a pseudonym for dennis fredrickson he was the one time front man of the rock band angel who song 20th century foxes we heard earlier this year on the soundtrack to foxes he wasn't singing on that track but he was the front man of that band at one point he also provided lead vocals for toto on one album isolation and backup vocals for the band survivor we start the film with jack morrell being called to the counter of a record store he is wearing roller skates in the store and begging for the night off he's been invited to audition as a dj for a big club and his boss is telling him that he's got to do inventory tonight which typically you don't surprise someone with having to do inventory it's like oh by the way you're gonna be here for eight hours past the end of your shift but he says if you're not here tonight you're out of a job and jack hops on the store intercom and tells his boss okay she'll see have it your way but the next time you take inventory in here you'll be counting the albums of jack morrell because i am a composer not a schlepper salesman oh that's not true because the next time he'll be doing inventory is tonight and unless he plans a whirlwind career uh there there won't be any records in the story he's just going to sneak in some of his records yeah he's going to find some i just hit him on shelves style yeah and then he shouts my time is now and he goes outside and just spins on roller skates like he just took way too much acid he's like in the middle of the street yeah and uh they're doing these really weird split shots of like two shots are mirrored but then there's one in the center yeah like that's not the same shot yeah it's a three-way split screen with just mirrored side images but he's just spinning around in the middle of the lane of traffic in front of like taxis that are honking at him like what are you doing this sets up the aesthetic of this movie for me being so 70s not only do we have this sort of cheesy montage with weird split screen and mirroring happening but we also have all these roller skate skating people and it's just all around very kitschy 70s feel we started watching this on like a youtube rip of the movie we got about 30 seconds into it before i was like we have to rent this this looks like it's going to be incredible in like full hd quality and i don't regret it at all it was no that's like four dollars i'll never get back it was it was 100 worth the money at one point a construction worker pops out of the the construction worker from the village people pops out of an open manhole cover and steam is just billowing around him which doesn't make any sense because he's not actually a construction worker even in the story of this movie he's just an actor so he shouldn't have been in that hole they get very confused about what he's supposed to be over the course of this film we listen to a terrible song about new [Music] york new york and we see various shots of new york including one shot san francisco of three girls uh on skates wearing shirts that read san francisco despite this being new york but that might be a reference to a song called san francisco that was produced by uh written and produced by morelli we end up in san francisco later though so maybe this was supposed to be an establishing shot for that who knows they're just like we ran out of footage for this weird montage quick grab the san francisco girls stick them in there but this is a song about new york no one will notice uh we're introduced to samantha who is drawing a mustache on a bus ad featuring herself for something branded kiss me probably makeup jack catches up with her in central park and grabs her ass to surprise her he asks fattening up for the miss piggy look-alike contestant there's a recurring joke that she's fat now because she retired from modeling it doesn't make any sense for a second here gutenberg as jack is inexplicably talking directly to camera and we confirm this is not just her point of view when we see samantha again and she's looking completely away from him and turns to ask him a question so i don't understand why just in this one scene just for this one shot he's looking at the camera and it doesn't happen again for the whole rest of the movie he explains that he is the guest dj tonight at saddle tramps disco and they head back to the apartment that they share and say hello to felipe who is for some reason in their apartment he says that his tv broke but i guess he has a key to their place and so he can come in and just watch tv when he feels like it all of these living arrangements in this movie are very bizarre yeah uh this is the native american from the village people or just village people i don't know if it's the village people or village people they seem to alternate in the story so i'm not totally clear according to wikipedia felipe rose claims lakota taino descent and recently won the best dance song award at the 2018 native american music awards for his solo effort going back to my roots i uh i read some other stuff that he claimed different heritage at other times yeah i think he had said cherokee in an interview at one point but it sounds like the lakota taino is the is the accurate one and his mother was puerto rican but his father was native american apparently he also works at saddle tramps and is very excited that jack will be auditioning there tonight samantha picks on jack for quitting his job and felipe says that she's being too materialistic and she responds i didn't invent it i'm just in it and then jack repeats the phrase a few times as though it weren't a terrible idea for a song i didn't invent it i'm just in it i didn't invent it i'm just saying it i didn't invest uh i'm just sam he's pretty good and i fully expected him to continue doing this throughout the movie where he just grabs phrases people are saying and pretends like he's writing a song about it but he never does this again and he also never makes a song about these words so i just like just one moment of him actually being inspired by something that happened and then writing a song about it i feel like that might have actually worked a little bit better because instead we're we keep shoehorning in these songs we're like let's pick uh half a dozen village people's songs and see how we can shoehorn them into one story i'm like at least maybe have something happen in the story that is that inspires things instead of them just randomly picking a song and saying let's sing that one now it's also weird that it seems like they avoided like their biggest songs like that ymca is in here but they don't do macho man and they don't do what is the other really big movie in the navy there you go those are their three like biggest songs and they only did one of the three in this movie like did they think they were gonna get another two movies out of this there's a really bad edit in the scene too uh in the apartment yeah where steve guttenberg's talking and then right it cuts to like another angle but closer on him yeah total gem cut it's very weird and it's like mid-sentence it's not like after he's finished it's like it just like happened yeah and he's holding a bunch of stuff in one hand and then it disappears on the cut but samantha's walking around watering her massive collection of house plants as we've discussed as a standard 80s custom and uh she accidentally spritzes felipe and he suddenly does like a rain dance and does this really weird whistle [Music] sound yeah this reoccurs many times throughout the film yeah is he making this with his mind i don't know i think he is because i think he's trying to show off that he can make this sound but it's weird it sounds digital it's very it's very odd well i i think that sound is recorded adr i i i don't think it is i think he's making it on set on set because it the the whole audio quality to me changes when he does it yeah i'm not i'm not saying that he's not making the sound i'm just saying that i feel like much like when the other characters break into song yeah it's it goes it switches over to her recordings very obviously versus them actually on set that's that's possible samantha follows jack into her guest room where he's been staying ever since he house sat for her a while ago he tells her that benny murray a famous dj scout is going to be there tonight like he's going to be sitting in the back of the club with binoculars just watching how he djs did like dj mean something else in 1980 because like he's being a disc jockey when they get to the thing i mean some of it's like a tj because he's pushing tapes in well no that's that's not what i mean it just mean he's literally just playing songs whereas like now you have to make something you're mixing multiple songs by other people and i feel like he thinks this is his big break because he's just gonna play his own music yes that he's composed yeah that's exactly what's happening here for some reason but yeah he thinks that benny murray will be very impressed by the way that jack plays other people's music and that he'll get hired full-time to do that this will inevitably lead to a big record deal in his head like there's no way that this won't happen now and this is yeah i have the note we got a weird jump cut here where the camera just jumps a little to the side but still like a mid shot on jack and a reel of audio tape disappears from his hand he promises to go back to dental school if tonight doesn't work out felipe steps into the room to tell samantha that this entire time he's been watching her hose just flood the carpet in the living room she gets very upset about that and turns around to save her carpet that she spent a mint on she says oh no not water that'll ruin it yeah it's like one of those cashmere rugs and it's spritzing so lightly that it's like you literally just get a rag and soak it up and it would be nothing it's like plastic fiber carpet it's not nice carpet jack gets changed into his club clothes and he says boy one hot night coming up samantha blow dries her carpet trying to coax it back to life because it's flopped over like wet carpet is for five seconds before it's dry again dry darling strong stand up fivers oh please come on nice little rug at saddle tramps samantha arrives with her friend alicia and felipe tells them that jack will be starting soon felipe introduces them to benny murray and he's particularly interested in samantha as she's a retired model but she doesn't really care about anything that he tries to offer to her because she's out of that lifestyle she's just here for jack samantha throws her purse to felipe and starts dancing with blaine and a couple other guys in the crowd on the dance floor in the crowd we see the construction worker again just dancing by himself basically she heads up to the dj booth to meet with jack and on the way benny tries to take a picture with her because he wants pictures of him and celebrities at his clubs to like hang on the wall but she just climbs a ladder up to the booth like ignoring him and she like throws her butt in his direction as she's going up it looks like she's trying to hit him in the face with her butt weird upstairs jack gives her the tour and he throws on a song about her called samantha and tells her to dance he's obviously not the singer on this track so at some point jack had enough money to pay a band and a singer to perform this song that he wrote but the character the singer's name is david london that we that we mentioned before it's written by jacques morelli but it's clearly not jack singing i don't know what we accomplish in this whole club scene like as much as in any other scene of this movie well but i don't feel like anything actually moves the story forward in in the scene at all yeah cause he makes it sound like this is gonna be benny murray's gonna be watching him and seeing what he does and it will either make or break his career but then benny murray is just trying to follow samantha around he's not paying attention what jack's doing jack doesn't even care what jack's doing because he puts on that song for her the samantha song and she's so impressed by it that she's like oh my god you have to make a demo tape for me and we're going to send it off to a record company and he's like great and he just puts someone else in charge of the dj booth and it's like this is your audition this is where you quit your job this was your big break and your big break is happening through your roommate now instead of this guy that you've been waiting for to come all night i also think it's weird that this would be the first time she's hearing his music yeah like they recorded it in the house i assume so it's it's weird that she hasn't heard any of this especially since the song is about her she tells him that while he was failing out of college she was dating everyone in the record industry and just never thought to bring it up before now so lulu calls their apartment at night on behalf of sydney a designer desperate to drag samantha out of retirement she quickly hands the phone off to sydney and accidentally hits her hand with the phone and so sydney starts spinning and she's just like ah stop me that's the chair is starting to turn around and she straightens her out and there's this harsh purple spotlight pointed like directly into her face while she takes the call and she asks how fat samantha is and she says oh i've blown up like the hindenburg and she says we need to get you in here we're going to lock in this contract with the dairy association i need you for this milk commercial it's going to be great i think it's funny how hard they lean into sydney pushing to get samantha back in this industry like yeah she would not care you are the most amazing model in the world and we have to emphasize this in these scenes because otherwise you wouldn't know it yeah there's no way that anyone would be fighting to get a model out of retirement though because if a model's in retirement it's like okay i need a younger person anyway so it doesn't matter sydney gets up out of the chair but the spotlight stays on the chair so there's just this weird harsh purple light on the chair and she says that they're gonna make dairy fancier than champagne and she starts listing off notes for the dairy association like you need a new bottle you gotta cork it and it's uh it's gonna be great we're going to get samantha simpson in here that's the the ideal spokesperson for the product jack calls samantha into his studio and sings a completely improvised beat under a totally different song that's playing because he can't hear the music that's playing on this track and he asks what she thinks and she's like well your voice is [ __ ] so you need to get some singers in here because this isn't going to cut it and he says i don't know any singers but he already has a single that he's recorded with a singer so he does know a singer and she says that she's heading off for some baskin robbins which of course was a promotional tie-in there was a flavor that came out at the same time as the movie called can't stop the nuts oh god apparently baskin robin doesn't have ben and jerry's pun rider budget uh she immediately bumps into felipe in a loner head dress because he had to get his oiled he says which like maybe that's a thing she tells him that jack needs free singers and felipe says well that's dumb nobody works for free and she says well you work for free and he's like sure he sings a little bit and he ends with that weird native american whistling sound again when i'm calling you [Music] she continues walking and suddenly it's clearly on purpose but felipe is basically replaced in the scene with randy and they're implying that as she's walking she's bumping into different people and they're having the same conversation all in one piece but her ice cream keeps changing flavors so she kept getting ice cream every time she met with a different guy was that true i didn't even notice that but she she catches up with randy the cowboy and uh he sings a bit of the leg bone is connected to the hip bone for some reason to show like not only can i sing i remember songs from when i was a child is he supposed to be some sort of like fitness instructor or something because i don't remember if they go into his background i know he's the cowboy in the band and he's wearing a cowboy hat but i think that's just his style she may yeah she made up something like yeah you know about choreography or something like that yeah yeah more like chaography no neither one of these is good as she steps away from randy she asks if he has a hanky and conveniently he does unfortunately al pacino was frightened out of power's booth's hanky shot before we could learn what the red hanky means but i looked it up it seems like the cowboy here is down to fist people oh god so that's a fun little in-joke that probably went over a lot of heads oh no samantha leaves to visit her actor friend who happens to be obsessed with singing on the set of a music video about a bunch of women in red murdering a construction worker i don't know what the point of this music video is but didn't we skip the guy there was a guy pulling um like a rack of clothes yeah but he doesn't end up in the band she does talk to another guy asking another guy to sing and then that doesn't go anywhere or maybe maybe that was the gi guy and i just didn't recognize him no because the gi guy comes in later and comes in later too i don't know yeah i don't know that one didn't go anywhere it was weird that this wasn't another member of the band if it wasn't but yeah she she does talk to a third guy here who's like pulling a bunch of clothes but he doesn't seem to talk to her about singing at all but now we move to the set of a music video where a friend of hers is it's like he's not a famous singer but he's playing the singer in a music video about a bunch of women in red killing a construction worker but he's just climbing up scaffolding and trying to get away from all these women and he's singing this really really bad song called i love you to death it's probably the worst song [Music] i love you i it's just the chorus repeating itself over and over again and i know that's all of the songs but some of them do it better some of them are catchier than this one i don't get this music video at all yeah um but this is the set where he actually fell and hurt his head pretty bad while they were recording it they get this whole video in one take apparently and david hodo the construction worker agrees to help with recording tonight so we locked in another one sydney gets out of a cab near samantha's apartment and while she's paying the driver a little old woman just slaps her in the ass with a baguette and sydney spins around and takes it and slaps her back with it and that's we don't see this character again i don't know why this woman did this or why she was even in the film at all it's just very a strange choice it's not the same same one that no okay no it's not i i was like this woman has to appear somewhere else and i missed it and it's like no this crazy woman just walks up and hits her with bread and then she hits her back and that's it that's that's the whole joke here caitlyn jenner is walking down the street carrying a box and a woman exiting a store just comments nice box which was prescient of her but it's a box you can't see anything in it you don't know what's in it it's just it's just entendre it's not double entendre jenner sees an old woman check her purse and get clipped by a moped but this is not the same old woman from the bread that lady is gone from the film completely jenner helps the woman up and the old woman pulls a gun on her and starts taking all of her stuff her watch or wallet she lets jenner keep the cake box though but she does like throw it up in the air probably tipping the cake over and screwing it up sydney goes to make a phone call in a phone booth i don't have no idea who she was gonna call but she panics when she gets her fingernails stuck in the dial this scene bothered me so much you were really squirming for that one it's just like the feeling of a long fingernail being stuck in something and not being able to move your hand like it just was really creeping me out and i wanted the joke to be over very quickly and it's not over for like six more hours of this day because she's in this phone booth for like the next four scenes i feel like maybe i don't understand how pay phones used to work but she's just shouting into this receiver like operator operator my finger's stuck right that doesn't really make any sense to me because she's already dialed several numbers so yeah unless you just dialed zero you're not talking to the operator exactly exactly she's just hoping that somebody's gonna be like oh let me help you with that man and what would the operator do well i'm almost wondering if it's just supposed to be a joker that she has no idea how people use the phone yeah maybe it works there's not an operator there she's just shouting into the receiver that's possible she's calling for help inside but is apparently completely invisible in the booth because only we notice that she is in distress everyone at samantha's house is loading equipment into the backyard where they'll be recording lulu sydney's assistant is there and she thinks that felipe is hot and she says that she really goes for exotic types particularly when they're half naked and then her point culminates with maybe the weirdest line in the whole film she says oh you tell him i'll make up for all the indignities they suffered in roots okay now i haven't seen roots but i'm pretty sure it's about slavery yeah okay yeah i'm not saying that there weren't occurrences of native americans being enslaved yes i'm sure there were but i think the implication here is that she's mistaking this half puerto rican half native american character for an african-american despite having just called him an indian and the fact that he's wearing a native american headdress in the house okay but also now i i asked you this question we were watching the movie yes but people knew that the village people were gay at this time right but this film is trying to hide it are they yes yeah and it's very disturbing and weird it is weird i don't i don't really get that like women hitting on them and it happens and they hit on women and it happened in the club too like when when he was dancing up on the bar like the women were into it and he seemed i don't know yeah it's i mean they most of them were out there was only one member of the band that was actually not gay and he quit the band before they started this movie and they replaced him with another singer who was gay so by now the entire band was gay and out about it but when they made this movie there it seems to be a very concerted effort to not portray anyone as being specifically gay seems like a weird effort it's a very strange choice for what the band stood for outside of this film yeah because all of their songs are about like gay icons and they're all dressed up as like gay fantasy characters so it's really weird that you would bother to make a movie about them and then try and hide part of who they were i think the ymca sequence speaks for itself yes no absolutely samantha suddenly freaks out because she dropped her contact lens in the lasagna this is back when contact lenses were made out of glass basically and uh mustard specifically is the one that she dropped she's nicknamed each of her contact lenses for the the small condiment jar she keeps them in in her fridge i'm not sure how it just fell off of her eye but the whole thing just gives me the creeps yeah the idea of keeping a contact lens in a mustard jar just makes my eyes sting yeah just the thought of it and then the idea of somebody eating a crunchy glass lens in little lasagna makes me gag yes that's pretty gross uh in the backyard they have wasted time setting up strings of lights and dozens of candles for this audio recording uh samantha suggests that jack take a moment to teach them how any of the songs go he walks over to them and he says okay and i don't understand this plan but he says i'm gonna record the rehearsal and we'll over double sing it again okay she's like what does that mean it's not a rehearsal if you're recording it both times you mean you're just gonna record it in two tracks i don't understand back in the kitchen lulu asks how samantha's ex is doing evidently he is a big shot in the record producing world just by coincidence she says that she had to make an appointment to break up with him and he was on two phones the whole time so he's just obsessed with his work and that's why it didn't work out samantha is currently sifting all the sauce off of the lasagna not to save the meal but to avoid wasting an expensive contact lens by feeding it to someone in the backyard felipe and lulu make eyes at each other even though a large portion of the audience must have known by now that the entire group was gay the only straight member victor willis the original cop quit the band before this movie was made because the focus of the band became their gayness instead of music that he'd hoped would appeal to everyone he was married at the time to claire huxtable actress felicia rashad and he tried to have her written into the film as his girlfriend before quitting the group when he was let go from the band she was replaced with the actress playing alicia in the film but that part was originally written for felicia rashad so from felicia to alicia exactly maybe that was even on purpose to be like look it's almost your girlfriend's name he was particularly disappointed when in the navy was rejected as a theme for the u.s military because of the group's gay image and fan base like victor willis actually really appreciated the fan base of the song and wanted that to be the official song of the navy and it was rejected on those grounds basically for any advertising purposes until down periscope in the night yes terrific film lulu senses that jack is nervous about the record and offers him a joint it's got to be mixed with something because when he comes back he is messed up caitlyn jenner knocks at the door and introduces herself as ron white not to be confused with ron tater salad white uh she throws the cake box to samantha and explains that samantha's sister sent it ron white is not a cake delivery person she's a lawyer yeah she's she's an attorney who for some reason delivered a cake on behalf of a former neighbor oh is that what that scene is about yeah i didn't understand why she was there it's very convoluted she announces that she was robbed by a little old lady on a motorized cart a lot dumb and dumber i didn't even see it apparently ron lived next door to samantha's sister in st louis and called ron to deliver a cake to samantha ron says that she just moved to new york and currently works as a tax lawyer and samantha's friend alicia jogs in joking it's a raid with officer ray simpson in tow ray replaced the straight front man victor willis shortly before the film started production he used to sing with a group of cops called the cop-outs according to this film okay that's not funny because that's not like um there's not multiple yeah it's not a pun she says doesn't mean she says get it like there's multiple things to get here but they just use the word cop and they are cops but there is no multiple meaning pop-out has nothing to do with singing yes yeah no he's cop out oh because he's gay he's out that does make more sense is that what kevin smith was joking too that's what that i don't think that that's the get it part because it should have been called cops out i assumed that she's with him like they're in a relationship she was supposed to be the girlfriend the character originally but that doesn't seem to be the case in this version of the movie because she brings two different members of the band together she does she does because she brings the gi also yeah my next note was clever no no ron asks if rey is really a cop and proceeds to report the old lady who robbed her but uh the cop knows who it is yeah he's like oh yeah we have a bunch of reports on this woman she was on a moped right or she left on a moped apparently rayno's all about it uh when alicia tries to introduce rey jack can barely see him because he's so high in the backyard jack's intoxication will surely play into the unfolding scene right no that's the last bit of that joke that we get and he's totally back to normal for the rest of the scene sydney's fingernail just magically comes unstuck from the phone thank god i was tired of thinking about it she never calls anyone she doesn't like start tiling again more carefully but now for some reason she's locked in the booth is the door broken i don't was she even trying to call in the first place i don't know i assumed she was going to call samantha and say i'm coming to your house but or whatever or call her from your office to get that information you know it didn't make sense that she was using this phone booth here but uh she can't get out and a drunk man jostles the door open for her from outside and she escapes ron and samantha join the party in the backyard jack's mom shows up and she says that she can't wait for the music that he's written to be performed on broadway he says would you do me a favor sure uh don't tell everyone here that i'm a genius i'm your mother instead of coming to the door sydney inexplicably climbs over a brick wall into samantha's backyard but while she's preparing to do that she speaks to this cat that's on the other side of the wall for a minute nice kitty you got it move it and this is where i think she sounds a lot like ertha kitt's character in the emperor's new groove but she falls over the wall and directly into ron's arms someone complains about the crunchy lasagna maybe it's her is her sydney's the one who ate them yeah she's she's one gets it jack's mom admits that she came here tonight by chance she says that the entire band should get down on their knees for him and as they gather on stage the cop says give us the lyrics i might not have to use this it's like yeah you probably don't uh because it's the same six words over and over again but they just they sing a song called magic [Music] i don't know why but this whole movie felt sort of like an episode of sesame street to me where they're like what do we need to do we got to get a group of people together to sing a song how do we do this i know let's grab some pencils and paper and we're going to write some music and then they go into this snazzy song yeah ron leaves in a huff because all of samantha's friends are just too out there for her she speaks very loudly in the backyard during the recording and nobody seems to care even jack has wandered away from the production of his first demo record to just chat with people in the backyard suddenly samantha is an expert at copyright law and jack is ecstatic to learn this that not only does she have all these amazing contacts in the record industry but she knows how to copyright all of their music and she'll handle all of that she finds him the next day on his porch in white denim overalls and that's it i think i think that's all he's wearing she tells him that everyone wants her to buy the record deal with sex they're basically just oh yeah we'll sign this band if you sleep with me right now and uh she's had to refuse people all day she cheered herself up with two snowballs and a ding-dong she says i eat two snowballs one ding-dong and a couple because the joke is that she keeps eating junk food but also that it's sexual junk food for no reason jack says hey i got a crazy idea what about your world-famous record producer ex-boyfriend and she says that she won't swallow her pride to talk to him and jack says anybody who can swallow two snowballs in a ding-dong should have no trouble with pride suddenly she's totally on board with this idea she asks jack why she hasn't heard the pitter patter of stewardess pumps in the house lately and he says that he's sworn off sex until he signs a contract she goes to bother her accent steve just waits for her when she shows up he's kind of shocked to see her but he doesn't put the phones down that he's on as he's walking around the office he's basically destroying phones one at a time to prove that he's changed only to answer new phones that are hidden all over his office and he asks her to take a seat he tries to sneakily answer the phone behind her back while he's talking to her but he he answers it looking for rod stewart because he's trying to lock in some deal with him i don't even have to answer that prove it she gives him the tape for the band that they recorded in the backyard and he kind of blows up at her for using him he's like oh you have a tape now too everybody's got a tape they want to give me and it's like yeah you're a record person yeah i don't know why he's surprised about this everybody should be pushing their music on him yeah that's his job she gets him to commit to at least recording a demo session on her way out all of her dialogue is made up of the names of hit songs for some reason i i can't tell if the joke is supposed to be that she's like reading them off the walls but uh she's just saying the names of various songs as she's leaving after she steps out of his personal office she bumps into ron white in like the lobby she follows her out of the building outside ron apologizes and attempts to help samantha by flagging down a cab but samantha uses some leg and gets three cabs instantly that all practically crash into each other ron tries to reheat the lasagna from the recording night in her kitchen and samantha crashes into her full speed and dumps the lasagna all over ron's crotch so they take off ron's pants and she has to wrap herself in this small cloth it's like a i don't even know what it was was it like a shawl or something yeah something like that it's not a full towel but it's not as small as like a rag ron sits in a barber chair in the living room and just cranks the handle until it collapses but this is a barber chair right it kind of looked like a barbershop i don't know what else it would be but yeah um it just tips back very similar to this chair perhaps yeah maybe that would make more sense would it would well no because steve gutenberg was a oh cause he was gonna go to dental school there you go sure i forgot that connection but yeah she sits in this chair it collapses backwards uh samantha tries to bring wine and then spills it all over ron while trying to wipe it up she gets her dress caught on the chair and climbs onto ron to avoid tearing her thousand dollar dress but she notices here that ron is wearing a wedding ring and she says i draw the line at younger men but i definitely draw the line at younger married men and ron explains that her divorce is coming through samantha slips backward out of her dress so now she's in her underwear and starts tickling ron's toes which this whole scene just bothers me so much it's just a weird thing to do and it's just gross everything's super awkward here ron carries samantha to her room and drops her in her bed i like cause they're walking in though she's like what do you think of my room and she's like it's uh so orange [Music] they wake up the next day ron has apparently invited samantha and her friends to audition new band members in her family's law offices on wall street i don't know why we couldn't continue to do auditions here at the house but uh it's a pretty ginormous apartment well samantha did say that the neighbors were really angry about the recording session they did which is why they weren't gonna use her place again but it also seems like the village that this place that they live is a pretty active place yeah that's what it's for like this is that kind of stuff is happening all the time anyway yeah but we get to the law offices of the white family people are juggling swords one guy's eating phone chords other people are just playing tennis i feel like they should have been more specific with the wording of their ad that they needed people jack tells the gi alex briley that he's seen him perform in the park and that he doesn't have to audition he says just go sit with the rest of the band members you're you're in so we already had the cop and the gi and the construction worker and the cowboy and the native american who else is left the leatherman it's just the leatherman so that's that's all we get out of this entire audition process is the leatherman well i mean we get both the gi and the leatherman i guess that's true yeah he did come to this building someone bursts into the audition room and just sings the word body over and over again while lifting dumbbells and stripping slowly body body wanna feel my body body body wanna touch my body body body and everyone seems very amused by this this song is just as good as any of the rest of the songs yes absolutely and he just made it up everyone's very amused until ron's parents burst in demanding to know what the hell is going on ron's mother refers to them as village people and for some reason everyone just falls in love with the name immediately oh that's great village people oh my god how do we not think of that glenn hughes bursts in and he says that he's a toll collector and he's here for an extension on his income tax but he's in a full leather outfit and ron's mom says do all toll collectors look like that and he says only the hot ones but he's hilarious glenn finds out that they're auditioning for a singing group and he immediately climbs on top of a piano that ron's father just said cole porter played once and he sings danny boy on top of it oh danny boy the pipes of pipes are calling from glenn to glenn and down the mountain ron's father is not very supportive of this whole audition process but uh her mother says that she will smooth things over ron has essentially quit her job to represent the band full time even though there's not even a band yet and they have no deal signed a flame juggler walks in and says i'm james and flames my games and he just starts throwing flaming things around until he sets off the emergency sprinkler system and everyone's just laughing at a whole library of legal books being destroyed yeah oh my god i was so upset but it was like this whole office is ruined everything in here is very expensive historical items and documents and they're all destroyed he they really shouldn't have even had a water sprinkler system it should have been chemical the next whole suffocate from the halon that would be much better the next day the band is already getting nervous because they all for some reason quit their jobs uh ron leads everyone to a free recording space and it turns out it's a ymca so we get a montage to the first village people song i recognized so far included are lots of shots of samantha jogging in a macho woman shirt and later just completely topless in a pool with many other members of the band we have a crowd of naked men in showers reminder here that gorp galaxina and up the academy were rated r for swearing and this pg movie had 12 full-on dicks in it you counted yes i didn't even notice any of them there were a lot of dicks in it and i listened to other podcasts review this movie to see like is this like different in different cuts of the movie and in every version of this review the girl was the one who didn't notice the dicks for some reason but it was very strange suddenly there's lots of people doing gymnastics the edits are not lining up to the music so i don't even know if like if they have the song decided on when they cut this scene or if they just edit a montage and then just put the song on top of it after they finished it it's also like a seven minute version of the song yeah and it almost like every song gets played in its entirety yeah and pretty much and my niece was just like what are you watching how long does this version of the song go for was she watching this with you no she but like i was watching it in the in the computer room and she her room's across the hallway and she just like she just heard the song going on and on and on and of course she comes in and it's like that weird bunch of dicks well it was even it's it wasn't even like a scene of actors it was like like you're just doing gymnastics it was a bunch of the muscle guys just superimposed over each other like just slowly rotating and she goes like this is what i do with my spare time go to your room i don't have to explain myself to you [Laughter] it's art you wouldn't understand at their official studio recording session lulu is in charge of wardrobe and choreographing but why they're they're recording it they don't need to dance they don't need to be dressed up this same thing happens in stunt rock though they're recording an album and they're doing magic tricks they do like the full light show and they're all in costumes that's true performing all crazy in the recording booth too yeah that's funny but immediately when they start the song liberation the choreography is wrong they're having mic problems and people are crashing into each other [Music] steve is watching all of this and he's very disappointed even though the song is fine like the song that they've written is fine and they're performing it fine it's all technical issues he just walks away like he's super disappointed in what they've done samantha follows him out of the recording studio and he very quietly he turns a corner and under his breath barely audibly he says something that completely changes the whole meaning of this scene he says did it again got myself a new group and cheap do it again so he's really happy with what he saw but i missed that on my first watch i think i missed that on both watches yes i i i caught it i was like oh okay so he's he's pretending to hate this but it's like why would they have them crashing into each other and the mics are all messed up and to show how much he loves the song that he just heard but also to what end well because he's gonna like he wants to under bid because she's gonna be desperate now to get him to signs like what do we have to do he's like i'll sign them for this much yeah and he offers like a ridiculous lowball bid and she's not buying it because she's she has a lot of faith in the band and she knows that this is a bs offer samantha and alicia joined jack and ron at a table outside they basically just turned down this offer they're still recording the demo but they turned down this offer and for some reason jack and ron are sitting just laughing hysterically at this table outside and it turns out that they ran into benny murray that guy from saddle tramps apparently he sold it and now he's running a different club and it needs live performances so they're not looking for djs anymore they're looking for a band and they happen to be a band so that's great but they say they'll need some startup funds so samantha says i know exactly where we can get some startup funds and she calls up sydney and says hey i want to lock in that mad milk money but she also somehow talks sydney into including the entire band in the commercial with her and again into another five to seven minute commercial yes for milk yep samantha is the mother in the commercial and she gives glasses of milk to six children around a breakfast table the just being that they will grow up big and strong and potentially gay if they drink their milk this kicks off a music video for a song called the milkshake unclear whether this is all in the four-minute commercial but it's by far my favorite song in the entire movie was this an actual song outside of this yes it was oh my god this is like it's all of these really weird story lines that you're having to smush together you're like all right our main character's going to be named samantha because we have a song called samantha and then for some reason she's going to advertise milk because we have a song called milkshake yeah and we have to go to the ymca yep and they couldn't think of something to do for macho man they couldn't get randy savage to come in and do a cameo so they were like never mind yeah i don't know if this is like a 30 second commercial and we're just going into like a four minute dream sequence of this milkshake song that's the extended edition that you watched on the internet yeah this is on the dvd of the milk commercial that you bought they even do a 45 second encore like there's literally a point in this commercial for milk where you're like wow that was a really long song and they come out and they're like one more time it's like why are you doing this but i don't know who's paying for this commercial i imagine that this is like a super bowl commercial and they paid like 18 million dollars to air this four and a half minute milk commercial but uh ron is apparently furious with samantha afterwards for showing so much of herself in the video because she's dressed very she's scantily clad uh surprisingly the client is not totally in love with this ad either ron's mom says that she recently hosted a party for 3000 people because that's just a hobby of hers is hosting massive parties and they always need bands to play and she's like oh that reminds me i'm supposed to plan a huge party at the galleria in san francisco maybe you guys could be the band for that party so now we've abandoned that he was going to get famous through playing music at clubs we've abandoned that they're going to sell this song to a record company we've abandoned that they're going to go work at benny murray's new club and we're going to this new goal of just performing at a party that was like deus ex machina like we could have done this from the start and nobody cares they go to san francisco samantha calls steve and says we want to meet you on the way to san francisco we're going to talk we're going to be real about this and we're going to set up a decent contract you're gonna give me a real offer and ron overhears the call and lectures her for making a date right in front of her because she's like how dare you call your ex-boyfriend right here and try and ask him out when i'm right here and she's like well that's not what i was doing but if that's the way you feel maybe we should be seeing each other on a purely business level so on steve's private plane steve is the the record producer boyfriend which is actually beautifully furnished and painted i really liked the color that they did here and the furniture was pretty cool i'm sure this is actually like the village people playing but the village people had a plane of their own they were huge at the time i bet they had a plane he tells the pilots to pull away as soon as samantha is on board because his plane has to like trap her on the plane and win her back while they're flying to san francisco but instead of samantha jack and his mother get on the plane she insists that everyone buckled their seat belts so she's like pulling up seat belts out of the couch to like buckle everybody down so they can negotiate the contract mom says that she worked with david merrick a prolific tony award-winning theatrical producer who by sheer coincidence happened to produce don siegel's rough cut released the same weekend as this film and she says that she knows a thing or two about contracts the show in san francisco introduces the richie family another group whose songs were possibly also written by jack because in real life the ritchie family songs were written by jacques morelli so i mean they don't show him writing music for any other groups but he wrote these songs too lulu wants to know where samantha and the costumes are because both are late we never really get a good answer to this question ron shows up with the costumes and lulu says where's samantha and she says that steve could have taken her to acapulco by now and and ron is like acapulco what are you what are you talking about glenn hughes bangs his head against a wall repeating leatherman don't get nervous because he's worried about the show ron's mother shows up and introduces two women from her committee mrs williams and mrs slatkin and sydney shows up and claims to be their new pr rep she like quit her job representing models and is now just a pr rep for this band she has her fingers crossed for an interview with claudia walters for 2060 or whatever that show's called which is obviously a barbara walters and 2020 joke jack and his mother show up with signed contracts for marrakech records they got the record contract even though they played 12 seconds of one song and screwed it up but i guess his mom's a good a good negotiator claudia walters does show up and on the way in they make a point to show that he's ignoring steve because he wants to talk to the people involved with the creation of the group so she talks to the guy who wrote the music some of the members of the band but weirdly though she circles back around to flirt with steve and they leave together and we never see this character again so it's like i don't understand like i thought the whole joke of it was that he thought he was important that she only wanted to hear from the band and then she leaves without the band samantha finally shows up no idea where she's been we don't explain why she's here so late or what method of travel she settled on when she didn't get on the plane ron gets mad at samantha for doing something that lulu completely guessed at but there there was no evidence that she actually went to acapulco that's just something that lulu said and then ron apologizes and proposes to her and they kiss so apparently they're going to get married now the band and jack all join hands in a circle and jack says we're a group mostly to himself the cowboy backs through saloon doors onto the stage at the party and he fires his guns in the air the native american does a presumably traditional dance onto the stage the cop idles out on a motorcycle the leather man rolls out on a chopper the gi drives a full-on humvee out onto the stage and the construction worker is for some reason driving a tractor like a farming tractor instead of a bulldozer or something all the vehicles vaporize anyway so it might as well have been a tractor who cares they all close out on a song called can't stop the music which is just as bad as everything so far except for ymca liberation [Applause] tell the trees we get a montage over the credits of earlier scenes from the film in the order they appeared including additional cameos from samantha's boobs and the dozen dogs and that's uh that's the end of our film yeah all right that's a movie apparently it seems like that is a movie technically and i thought we weren't doing concert movies this isn't a concert movie there's so much story to it every scene is a new story every scene is a new musical story to be fair the second time that i watched it i just fast forwarded all the songs so it took about eight minutes to watch it but yeah it's a rough watch oh and i did want to recommend there's a podcast called scream queens queens with a z at the end look into their review of can't stop the music because the host makes a very convincing argument that the protesters should have been protesting this movie and that it actually probably did more damage in the long run than cruising did but i actually thought it was a pretty fascinating point and he makes it very well the director here was nancy walker she played ida morgenstern on mary tyler moore and rhoda the writer was bronte woodard who wrote basically just greece and this and died less than two months after this film was released writer alan carr adapted the grease stage musical into the first film and produced both of them i didn't realize it was a stage musical first and then the movie grease but apparently that's the case yeah alan carr also produced uh a movie that i really love and i was like oh oh really all right well there it is he's one of the producers of uh cloak and dagger oh is that true i don't know i missed that that's funny valerie perrine with samantha here she played eve tesmacher in superman lex luthor's girlfriend yeah or assistant is she a girlfriend or um i think that there is a love interest but it's she's mostly there to do his bidding yes yeah she is a henchwoman yeah to ned beatty's uh henchman right valerie perrine played lenny bruce's wife honey in the biopic starring dustin hoffman caitlyn jenner was ron white here kaitlyn is a retired olympic gold medal-winning decathlete co-star with ex-wife chris jenner of keeping up with the kardashians which is currently in its 17th season jesus did not realize it was still going that long it's one of the longest running cable tv programs ever i have watched exactly zero episodes of that other than playing herself caitlyn did not appear in film again until jack and jill in 2014 so not a great track record well a great track record but not a great track record steve guttenberg was jack morale he's in three men and a baby cocoon short circuit police academy originally made famous by the stone cutters paul sand paul sand played steve waits the record producer he was coach finstock and teen wolf two we talked about coach finstock a lot on here because we just had paul sand in uh holy moses he was the angel with detachable wings he also plays greenberg in the hot rock which is a fun movie tammy grimes with sydney channing she played molly grew in the last unicorn yeah that's a voice acting role obviously she is a two-time tony award winner one was for originating the role of molly brown in the unsinkable molly brown and her first husband christopher plummer and their daughter amanda plummer are both also tony award winners i didn't realize that christopher plummer and amanda plummer were related until i read that bit of trivia not know that either and i didn't realize that amanda plummer had won a tony yeah but apparently she did uh june havoc was helen morrell that's jack's mom she was elaine wales in a gentleman's agreement she has a soundtrack credit and inglorious bastards for the french version of a song she's saying called man with a big sombrero the man is strictly on the beam and every fair muchacha there is crazy after him for when it rains she's a very famous broadway performer and film actress and the younger sister of louise havoc who became gypsy rose lee whose memoirs were adapted into the 1959 stage musical gypsy so she is the inspiration for the character baby june and the musical gypsy june havoc also just the greatest last name ever yes havoc is awesome and both of her autobiography is benefited from that yeah i also have another credit for her uh an outer limits episode that she was in with eddie albert called the cry of silence which is about a couple who get lost and are attacked by killer tumbleweeds and take refuge oh my god i've seen that i remember yeah they take refuge in a crazy farmer's house did you ever see was it called apollo 18 or where it was like the moon rocks it turned out they were like aliens i don't know it reminds me of that where it's just like something that could not possibly hurt oh oh recently yeah i know of it yeah that's great though outer limits is an underrated show i think it gets foreshadowed by all the twilight zones yeah barbara rush was norma white she played margaret fremantle and the young lions ellen fields in it came from outer space so a couple of old school actresses here altavis davis played alicia edwards that's the woman who replaced felicia rashad in the film she was the third wife of sammy davis jr marilyn sokol played lulu brecht she was stella and foul play doris and crocodile dundee ii and we just had her as alice squibb in the last married couple in america she was one of the neighbors who were getting divorced jack weston played benny murray here he plays max kellerman and dirty dancing he's marty freed in ishtar which is one of my favorites speaking of when we were talking about twilight zone overshadowing our outer limits i immediately recognized him from my twilight zone oh really i was like oh my god that's the guy one of the guys from the monsters on maple street because that's one of my favorite twilight zone episodes he's one of the guys who really really wants to kill the kid and inadvertently shoots one of the people who they see approaching in the dark it's a great episode of the twilight zone it's got claude aikens and it's a good one he also plays oscar baldwin in short circuit two so that's a fun character dick patterson played the record store manager he was he was a teacher in both of the grease movies two different teachers though he was uh mr rudy and mr spears in each of the movies porsha nelson played the receptionist in the law office she plays sarah doolittle in the doctor doolittle the original dr doolittle movie and she played sister bertha in the sound of music selma archer played mrs williams mrs williams is one of the two women that gets brought into the green room before their show at the end of the film from mrs white's committee she played mrs claus and scrooged so this was a confusing credit for me it took me a while to figure it out yeah from the lee majors that's what i thought i thought it was that mrs claus um but the picture on imdb is of her standing on a desk at the christmas party when they're going through the christmas party that frank wasn't taking part in in the in the flashback with the ghost of christmas past but it's not the woman who's handing out pictures of her butt from the nappies but it's a different girl who's also wearing a santa claus outfit but she's credited as mrs claus apparently interesting but she's just standing on a desk drinking and i'm pretty sure the picture in the imdb thing is is accurately her she also plays a hostage in die hard and a cop in lethal weapon three and she is the wife of army archer who we just had play himself in the happy hooker goes hollywood he was a famous variety columnist and probably got her these weird little cameo appearances in movies every once in a while it's a rough watch i think there's enough weirdness and fun that it doesn't it doesn't drag it's just there's not much here to latch on to and the writing is pretty bad i would say it doesn't really even feel written it feels like somebody whiteboarded a movie like uh what can we put in this movie how about we vaguely connect you know this song to this song with this concept and and then everybody just sort of ad-libbed when they got to set yeah i think that's kind of how this came together i don't really have too much else to say about this one um i think i'll go ahead and give you my upper down right now and that's a down for me that's yeah that's that's a definite down yeah it's a downer um i'm i'm sorry village people your music is good but this movie is not is it though i think some of their music is good i like ymca and in the navy and macho man and i like the milkshake i like the muppet version of in the navy sure [Laughter] uh jess where's this going letterbox uh so this goes i'm gonna put it just below cereal but above baltimore bullet which is really pretty low on the list let's see that's uh ninth from the the from the bottom okay uh i know yeah mine mine's pretty low it's not that low but um i'm gonna put this i think i'm just gonna put this just above stunt rock and that sounds really fair actually and uh just below effects you know just i i just want to point out that it is above stunt rock and below effects for me right it's just those movies are lower on my list than yours because siri yeah cereal second from the bottom for me yeah i think uh i am actually also putting it directly above stunt rock which is way below effect for me because effects is much higher on my list than on your guys's it goes above stunt rock and just below private eyes but i think that's about everything for this one if you guys have any thoughts you'd like to share with us we are vintage video pod on twitter facebook instagram and letterboxed or as i've said before you can find each of our full movie rankings for the year we can also be found at vintagevideopodcast.com please consider rating us on itunes to help people find the show and if you take the time to leave us a review we will thank you personally in an upcoming episode if you're feeling especially generous you can support the show through patreon.com vintage video podcast thank you so much for listening and i hope you'll join us next time when we'll be discussing the hearse which imdb describes like so a girl is haunted by a phantom hearse which she believes is connected to her departed aunt a witch with a bad reputation in town that's all kinds of wrong we leave you now with the trailer for the hearse the barrier between life and death is no greater than the thickness of a door and now the door is open crown international pictures presents the hearse welcome to blackford you plan on staying very long well i'm not exactly sure yet maybe for the summer a beautiful woman trying to escape her past when my marriage ended i nearly cracked up becomes trapped in a past far more terrible than her own i know what your aunt did here she worshipped the devil he believes we can live forever even beyond death what diabolical forces are manipulating her life i am possessed that uh locket oh it belonged to my aunt i wouldn't show it to too many people if i were you it's the devil's sign why is she being pursued by a phantom on wheels the purse that carried euron's body crashed it exploded in the flames stranger than that there was no sign of the driver or your aunt's coffin [Music] what horrifying destiny will be fulfilled [Music] when at last she encounters the hearse what do you want an ancient house it's haunted and you're a ghost a classic car it's still roaming the old county road in such a victims you're not gonna get me you're not you're not a terrifying confrontation with evil [Music] trish vanderveer joseph cotton anybody a classic experience in fright [Music] you