we're on a mission from god

wendy so i got that going darling

looks like i picked the wrong way to

quit sniffing blue light

of my life we enjoy your films

i thought they smelled bad on the

outside

[Music]

welcome to vintage video where we're

re-watching the 80s so you don't have to

we'll be reviewing every major film

release of the 1980s in real time

over analyzing what you've seen and

spoiling what you haven't i'm patrick

o'reilly i'm jesse bayliss and i'm

richard wells and today marks the 40th

anniversary of the release of the last

flight of noah's ark on june 25th

1980 it was written by stephen w

carabazzos

sandy glass and george arthur bloom

based on the novel the gremlins

castlebee by ernest k

gann directed by charles jarrett and

released by buena vista aka disney

so many so many very complex names yes

the plane was a boeing b-29 super

fortress which you referred to

as the millennium falcon at the

beginning

and it's not a coincidence the ship was

indeed inspired by this

this particular model of plane oh okay

we start the film

noah is in bed he's waking up to someone

knocking at his door

and benchley walks in with muscle mr

koslow

he says that noah owes mr parker a great

deal of money

it sounds like he just lost a big bet on

a horse race

noah seems to think that he won fifty

thousand dollars where have you guys

been anyway

parker owes me that red-hot parley i've

been driving paid off in the ninth last

night when attaboy star got his nose

under the wire in front 50

000 smackers fat city but apparently

between going to bed and waking up

it turns out that his horse attaboy star

was disqualified

for interfering in the stretch and he

now has 24 hours to come up with five

thousand dollars

and then a week for the rest of the

other 45 000 well i don't know if he

because it's not always the case that

winning 50 000

that the opposite would be losing the

50. that's true

but he said a week for the rest yeah so

instead i assume

there's more money yeah we just don't

know what the odds are my guess would be

if you're if you're only asking for five

thousand up front

that the rest is probably not more than

five thousand

so i would say it's probably ten

thousand total based on absolutely

nothing

mr parker will wait a week for that

koslow socks noah in the gut and he

falls backwards onto his bed

he immediately starts scrounging around

for work

he stops by an airport offering to do

delivery work but the word is out that

he's kind of a blue when it comes to

flight how much is this character not

inspiration for blue

a disney property yeah no for sure for

the talisman version of blue sorry i

should correct myself that

he wasn't the inspiration obviously this

guy inspired the jungle book but yeah no

it's

what what else did we decide that was a

a big influence on talespin or was it

the other way around that talespin was

an

inspiration for something else oh uh

bruce mcgill's character oh jack because

he has the sea plane in that one episode

right right oh this is totally a blue

character noah goes to speak with

another friend slobotsky who owns a

flying circus

but he can't seem to fit noah on the

payroll and he tells them to go to

20th which is probably short for 20th

century fox where they need pilots for a

movie

but it seems that noah already checked

into this and the movie's been canceled

because war movies are not bankable

they're all making space movies with

robot pilots now

he pulls up to a gate and he seems

reluctantly to move through it to talk

to his last option

as he's arriving in this small trailer

parked on the lot

another pilot is coming out turning down

a risky job

in this crappy motorhome he says he knew

you couldn't pay me triple to take it up

and then this steven root-esque

character stoney

seems delighted to see noah dugan his

old friend you see you say steven rude i

say more charles durning

okay well either way he's a cross

between them maybe

he looks like he's drinking a glass of

soapy water with a cigarette in it

i can't tell what he's holding but

apparently the job is very simple

you just have to drop off a delivery on

this island refuel

and turn around they walk together to

this shed

on his property and he's slowly backing

up to it and he seems very suspiciously

hesitant about sharing what kind of a

plane he'll be flying

he points out that he knows noah is out

of options and can't refuse

this one but uh when he opens the door

we see that the plane is a moldy b-29

i'm not sure why they had to walk

through this shed he could for sure see

the plane from the other 29 is not a

small plane yeah it's huge

so he could he could see it the whole

way up to this shed

apparently some passengers and animals

will be joining him but then

stoney says the kids aren't going

they're here to wave goodbye to the

animals

noah has no interest in flying a plane

full of animals

stoney says that the woman that he sees

in the background will be coming along

she's a missionary and she said prayers

over the animals they're holy animals

they're religious animals

and there's nothing to worry about here

but as we learned in the island

you don't fly with animals you crash

with animals

do we think that stoney here is like

taken by her

or is he just trying to just try to make

money yeah yeah

especially from what happens later in

this conversation but he says she's

coming along on the flight

and that she her plan is to bring these

animals to this tribe on an island

and she's going to teach them how to

farm and how to mate the animals and

to keep uh providing for themselves the

woman's name is

bernadette lefleur and she's being

she's working right now with a woman

that runs the orphanage named

charlotte braithwaite and stoney

introduces them to noah

and bernadette says that they're going

to the island of

machua rana noah advises this

this is not a real place correct i don't

think so i didn't look it up

noah advises la florida i didn't look it

up but

[Music]

never heard of it doesn't exist it's not

real uh i feel like i would have heard

of it

i've heard of basically every island

noah advises lefleur to get her money

back from stoney because he's not going

to be flying her bronx zoo

anywhere stoney says sorry i spent your

money already so you don't get it back

and lefleur says oh well that's great

i'm a missionary but i am not a pushover

i'll go to the police

and then stoney begs noah to take the

offer

and he says please just take this gig

i'll give you two thousand dollars

even though he just told this lady he

doesn't have anything maybe i

misunderstood this deal but he says

that he wants 3 000 on delivery and

return of the cargo in honolulu

i don't know if that means he gets two

thousand up front still and then three

thousand

at the end i'm assuming because he to

make up the five

yeah but he needed that five by tonight

and he's not gonna have it by tonight

well

but that's why he's going away then he

doesn't need the money at all

well he still wants to come back though

so he's going away so he doesn't need it

tonight

but aren't they going to want interest

if he comes back after his deadline with

the 5000

i don't know you know what bothers me is

you owe bookie money

and then he breaks your legs you still

owe him the money

it just doesn't seem fair to me noah

moves to check out the plane

outside ricky schroeder is scratching a

cow's neck

that sounded like some kind of euphemism

yeah that's what i meant

that's what we call it back on the farm

the kid you want to put that away

go out back and scratch the cows

sorry unacceptable

inside the plane noah checks out the

ancient cockpit

a crowd of children are calling to a

duck that has somehow wandered halfway

down a tube in the plane

and noah's force to get inside and chase

it out the duck bites him

in the face and then he tumbles out of a

chute onto the runway

it turns out benchley is watching them

he's pulled up in the road

and he's just sitting in his car

watching to make sure he doesn't skip

town

but he's letting him get inside of a

plane before he does anything

so he's not watching super closely well

yeah i would think that

benchley would know at this point he's a

pilot he's a pilot yeah

and if he's going to get five thousand

dollars he's gonna need to do a job

yeah which involves flying yeah

uh as noah tries to leave he notices

benchley and koslow

and suddenly decides you know what i'm

not ditching this job

everybody get in the plane we're leaving

right now because he thinks they're

about to just nab him

so noah goes and he tells stony to

basically

stall them and he's trying to yank

brutus this longhorn steer i don't know

what

this species is called yeah it's not a

it's not a bowl

yeah it's a it's a very unusual type of

uh i think it's a

i think it's a texas longhorn okay i'm

just going to call it a longhorn moving

forward and it's going to be

your fault i'll forward all tweets to

your non-existent twitter account i

don't have any expertise in cattle

perfect he's trying to yank the longhorn

into the plane

when ricky schroeder as bobby explains

that

the animal needs to trust you like a

friend and then he coaxes brutus in

the longhorn comes uncomfortably close

to spearing

this child in the face with one of its

horns though nobody seems to notice but

me

the entire cast is fine and the crew

like the camera didn't shake about the

murder

stoney leads the bookies into his office

and he says that they're gonna wait for

noah there

the kids are all saying they're goodbyes

to the animals but i get the impression

already that they'll be stowing away

here

noah has already threatened to eat this

cow once or the longhorn

noah is going over his pre-flight

checklist as

bobby second guess is leaving his

animals with

this guy who just threatened to barbecue

the most delicious one

and both bobby and julie make a run for

the plane

when noah and bernadette are distracted

noah almost crushes bobby

closing the bombay doors he's like

climbing into the plane and that's the

last thing that they close up

the kid's just screaming like he's about

to get smashed in half

this really bothered you when we were

watching because you're just like step

on the thing that's coming up and you'll

be

lifted into the plane yeah it wasn't

like pinching him it was just coming up

from below

but then the kids rushed to the back of

the plane and they're peeking out of a

window

and braithwaite the woman from the

orphanage notices them

in the plane still because she didn't

get a head count before they left

she pulled it home alone she suddenly

decides we have to pull out onto the

runway and stop this plane so they don't

get away

so they drive out to the runway and she

gets out of the car and she's trying to

gesture to them in the cockpit like

there's kids you have children but she's

not saying like no or stop

or anything like that around the same

time the

the bad guys decide that he must be in

this plane trying to leave

and we get our third scene this year of

a car trying to chase a plane

across a runway after a rough cut and

our previous movie

kirby goes bananas it only worked once

so far

but the the title finally shows up 17

and a half minutes into the film

yeah i was like oh here are the titles

yeah

bernie is already complaining that noah

is smoking a cigar in the cockpit

it's bernadette we get this musical

interlude

of a song called half of me which is

original to this film it's performed by

alexander

brown and it's composed by maurice jari

and

the lyrics are from al david and it's

real bad

it's a bad song

[Music]

and the combination with the credits on

screen makes it feel super tv movie-ish

in the cockpit bernie is playing music

that noah doesn't care for

you have to listen to that junk

junk mr dude boring bernie

the subtitle said it was a brandenburg

concerto from bach she says it's bach

yeah but the the credit said brandenburg

concerto when it starts and then she

says

it's bach you plebe because he doesn't

like it

and they agree that she'll turn off the

music if he puts out the cigar

by now it's like dark outside so he's

definitely not smoking the same cigar

that

he started when he took off but he told

her when he first lit it that

he only smokes for takeoff and landing

by sheer coincidence when noah moves to

engage the autopilot

sparks blast up from the floor right

where he stomped out the cigar

so i thought he actually like messed up

the plane when he stopped out the cigar

but

it seems like it's actually just

coincidence but to calm him bernie

announces that

she's actually trained for a few hours

on the mission cessna

an admittedly smaller plane that the

orphanage for some reason

splurged on i don't know why they need a

tiny plane

but apparently they have one and uh he

mocks her for a bit and then he takes

her up on the offer

she panics almost immediately and then

suddenly a mallard

comes flying out of the back of the

plane and lands in the cockpit he's like

what the hell is this because

the girl had the duck with her and i

should have left with julie

uh bernie tries to fly a little bit and

she's not doing a great job

yeah so is she not doing a great job or

is he sabotaging it for no

she's freaking out okay but it seems

weird because she does fine later i

agree

so i agree that that's weird but he's

not touching anything it just seems like

maybe he

he like screwed it up for her it's like

here you try and you know he's

like secretly pushing down on you know

no i i think he literally just

threw her into it before she had a

chance to even think about it really

and so that's why she was panicking

right away because she was like i don't

even know if he's gonna help at all for

the rest of this flight this guy could

be suicidal for all i know

he follows the kids to the back of the

plane to check on the cow that they tell

him is sick

he leaves bernie at the wheel but now

she seems to be doing fine

as he's checking on the cow he is

suddenly launched

and kicked unconscious by brutus like

the longhorn kicks him and he hits his

head on the side of the plane and is

literally knocked out

so now the only person who knows how to

fly this plane is unconscious

and in the cockpit the music is playing

again for some reason now bernie just

has no problem she's doing great

the kids rush in to inform her that the

only pilot on board is unconscious or

dead

at the hooves of a massive longhorn that

should have been asleep for this entire

flight

if we were following the island protocol

of drugging animals

that's what he did right the giant pig

on that plane

she tells the kids to loosen his collar

and put a wet cloth on his head

and he'll be fine or hopefully he'll be

fine and let me know when he's okay and

don't worry

god is my co-pilot i hope he flies

better than you

and surprises them by being alive and

able to speak

but i think a better retort to this

would have been like if she said

god is my co-pilot he would have been

like you're not so bad yourself or

something like that like

she was calling him god maybe that's too

blasphemous for a disney movie

hours later bernie offers noah some

coffee to help keep him awake because

the autopilot's dead so he's been

and he's also concussed and that's the

last thing you want him to do

he tells her to watch as far as she can

toward the tail for the first light of

sunrise

even though there's a window in the tail

yeah just go back there

but it comes up 90 degrees off course

and they realized they'd been flying in

the wrong direction all night

it turns out the batteries from bernie's

radio have been throwing off the

compass uh he keeps saying compass

compass this made me crazy compass

compass

compass is this a thing what saying

compass no

is it a thing that batteries can create

a

electrical field yeah yeah all right one

of the things uh

back in my early days of driving uh my

dad thought it would be neat to get me a

dashboard compass like a digital one

compass compass um but in the

instructions it says

uh you have to drive around with the

engine running

and set it to calibrate because the

engine block

oh even that's enough electricity was

enough to alter the

compass direction interesting

interesting i mean i knew that um

you know you can make an electromagnet

you know by wrapping wires around

a battery but i didn't realize that you

know if you

if you did nothing to a battery and just

brought it near a compass

but it would it has a field yeah well

well there's i don't know he says the

battery but also a radio would have a

magnet inside of it

on its own which would be just as bad

yeah so oh yeah

there are there are other things unless

the batteries are powering the magnet

inside the radio yeah i feel it's not

totally plausible

like implausible to have happened but i

i feel like that

she would have had to have had the radio

right on top of the compass

which i think she did it was hanging

right there at this point they will be

lucky if they make it to the island with

any fuel at all because they're so far

off course

if they can even find the island or make

it to any island they have no idea where

they are because they don't know how

long they've been flying off course

right i mean they could do some math as

far as like when did we put that there

where the direction when your stuff is

there but um

the next day uh noah tries to radio for

help

but bernie and the kids are sending

hopes and prayers instead of

charting a course to safety bobby

notices that

an island has just emerged on the

horizon the engines are just starting to

fail

for lack of fuel so they point the plane

at them

and bernie lights a cigar for the

landing process which which i

i really liked this she's like all right

here it comes yeah

she puts a cigar in his mouth and lights

it and i was just like yeah

this is this is already like a good a

good situation yeah

he says i'm gonna try and pancake her

into the beach from the water

which sounds awful i would have been

like nope do something else think of

another breakfast food

because i hate that's the way that

sounds awesome i don't really want to

waffle you

i'm gonna i'm gonna

scramble this plane perfect the landing

goes better than anyone would expect but

the plane is for sure done flying ever

suddenly we moved to the perspective of

a character on this island

speaking in japanese how far did they go

they couldn't possibly have gone to

japan if they were aiming for honolulu

i'm already worried that this is a

hero onoda situation and it turns out it

100 is

hiro onoda was a japanese soldier who

served on a small island in the

philippines in world war ii

and he did not learn that the war had

ended until the mid 70s

bernie is lecturing noah on the beach

about the preparations they'll have to

make to survive

here on this island and they build

animal corrals

on the beach and try to transform the

plain interior into living quarters for

them

a second islander speaking japanese

confirms that the plane has crash-landed

and the two of them move back into the

jungle the kids are left alone with the

animals for a while

while bernie and noah look for fresh

water these kids are very unsupervised

where are they gonna go but i mean they

don't know this island i would have

brought the kids with me

like what if there's a tribe on this

island and it's like one of those

outsider tribes that just kills people

as soon as they see them

that's the thing okay don't leave the

kids alone

they're very tiny and there's they could

also drown who knows they're just both

dead on the beach when they come back

immediately brutus just books it

randomly into the jungle

the kids chase after him when they

finally catch up with him bobby for some

reason trusts the animal to lead them

back

over julie's instructions that isn't the

way

sure yeah but it's not like she knows

any better because she's like i wish i

had pee

with you that's another way is better

than bulls well she's not wrong though

it turns out

but i feel like she at least knows we

came from that direction let's go back

that way

noah and bernie are moving through the

jungle and he asks her why she

pursued uh missionary work and she says

that

she basically played mother to a large

family when her own mother died

and he asked why she didn't just start

her own family

which is completely inappropriate to ask

anyone she says that

the welfare of others matters more to me

than my

personal desires some guy let you down

huh the kids noticed from a hilltop that

there is a japanese military outpost

where the two surviving soldiers are

raising the flag of the imperial

japanese navy

also known as the rising sun flag which

has not been an official use since the

end of world war ii

in 1945. noah shoots down the options of

just telling them that the war is over

in favor of running back to the plane

for safety and trying to radio for help

in the cockpit they argue a little bit

more and noah says

hey how about playing general custer we

could send brutus out there on a cavalry

charge

he might get shot then noah goes yeah

that's my idea but suddenly the two

soldiers are outside the plane

demanding their surrender and before

they can even get so far as like

opening a door to come out of the plane

they try to shoot at them

yeah the gun just explodes in the guy's

hands because these are

40 year old guns and then he lifts a

grenade

and he says last chance and then throws

it at this group of four people

petey the duck lands right on top of it

but luckily the grenade is also a dud

noah leaps from the plane and charges

them with a flare gun

and the second soldier tries to shoot at

him and his gun also explodes

so these guys already tried to kill them

three times now

noah wastes a flare to scare basically

unarmed soldiers

and then throws coconuts at them as they

retreat into the jungle

bernie feels bad for these guys that

just tried to kill the orphans three

times

if these guys didn't head home to

seppuku they are coming right back to

slit your throats tonight so i don't

know why you're like excited to meet

them

bernie is convinced that the christian

thing to do is to try and befriend these

lost men

and explain to them the situation

globally

she took over lookout in the night but

in the morning of course she's missing

because

we've already established that she's

going to do what she thinks is right

regardless of what anyone tells her

for some reason the flare gun that you

left with her as protection is back on

the plane

exactly where he checks for it i would

have just assumed she took it with her

yeah because she she definitely didn't

have an honor

yeah so she must have come back to the

plane put it away and then left bernie

finds a cave full of large boxes covered

in netting

and she walks through it with a bible in

her hand until she gets to this bamboo

hut

where the japanese soldiers have been

staying she enters the hut

and slowly tiptoes through it in search

of anyone it's so

clean yeah and well or like these guys

have been living the life

like they're not living in squalor or

like

it's it just seems like everything is

really nice and neat and organized

they've had the islands but the men

return while she's in their hut

and she pleads with them to understand

that the war is over but it turns out

they both speak fluent english so that

makes everything a lot easier

in return for their for her kindness

they prepare a full meal for her

and noah at this point is like freaking

out and exploring the jungle looking for

her

it turns out one of these two soldiers

is named hiro which is the same name of

the

the real holdout i guess the real guy's

name was hiroo

with two o's but this is hiro noah finds

the hut

and from outside he can hear the soldier

saying take that have more

and bernie saying no please i've had

enough and he thinks they're torturing

her in here

and so he just charges up a run and

bursts through the door and knocks over

their whole table of food

and in retaliation they very nearly

decapitate him with a sword

bernie is quick to intervene and she

introduces

hiro and cleveland from the japanese

navy

they've been on this island for 35 years

hiro seems

less excited to be friends with noah

than cleveland does but noah is mad

because she ran away and didn't say

anything

to anyone to face off with literally

soldiers from a foreign army who think

they're at war with us

she says that god told her to

and that he's dumb for thinking they

would ever attack us even though they

already did

several times he apologizes that night

for trying to save her earlier

and caring if she was alive and

cautioning her against

her decision and he admits that he has

feelings for her which seems

completely out of nowhere yeah like he

says he cares about her and it's like

this whole time you've just been rude

and yelling at her and it didn't seem

like it was like i have a crush on you

i'm gonna be a jerk

maybe it finally sunk in that she's the

only woman on this desert island

he's like i'm gonna i'm gonna have a

hard time sleeping with myself if i

take that girl as my bride who's gonna

have to go bent the cow's

neck yeah

he's scratching the counter he admits he

has feelings for her and the kids are

watching from the plane secretly as he

goes in for a kiss

a successful kiss this the kiss happens

as he's walking back to the plane he

knocks on the window to say goodnight to

the kids that he knows we're watching

the whole time

the next day noah tries to coach the

team into gathering supplies

so they can build a raft and the

japanese soldiers suggest

turning the plane into a boat they tell

noah that

if you flip it upside down you can make

a boat out see turn praying over

what you got an upside down plane

no you got boat we get a montage of them

disassembling the plane with all their

man and animal power

the soldiers are loaning them all these

tools and a generator to power the boat

and i thought for sure this was going to

be a flight of the phoenix kind of

scenario i thought so too especially

with the title

the final flight of noah's ark and in

that movie they're

taking a plane and making a smaller

plane out of it but he already said

that we were going to make it right he's

saying before that oh before that

yeah of the film the final flight of

noah's ark

and then but it turns out the final

fight happens during the opening credits

yeah they're giving them all this these

tools and they actually even offer up

their their only what looks like their

only flag

to be part of the sail for this boat but

it seems like they're not coming with

them

the way they they act out this scene

yeah noah tells the kids that

they'll have to leave the animals behind

and

of course they both start bawling and

then he stupidly agrees to bring them

which is a terrible idea but then i

guess they do provide some food

but not enough i would say bernie paints

noah's ark

on the side of the boat plane because

it's noah's and

it's an ark because it's full of animals

at the last second the japanese soldiers

have not arrived so they just leave

without them

yeah what is going on these guys helped

you build this boat plane for like

weeks and then you're just like oh sorry

we told you to be here at six it's

almost seven

bye you can't just wait a day but then

they come running up over the hill

at the very last second he's like oh

it's fine they'll just swim to the boat

when they get home

wait come on okay

well it's and it's a good thing that

they didn't decide to wait for them

because they said a bunch of pumps

yeah apparently they agreed to meet here

at 11 but

this part confuses me because cleveland

thought 11 meant

10 because i don't understand what

cleveland's saying he says

yes and he holds up

10 fingers well he holds up 10 fingers

but he holds them up three times for

each syllable

so he's like 11. so he's really saying

30.

yeah i don't know i don't know what he's

trying to say but if i thought he did it

twice

eleven oh and it's like i did it three

times if you're holding up ten fingers

then and you thought he meant 10 then

you should have been here an hour early

right

but then suddenly their their charges

explode and the whole island is engulfed

in flames

because they were instructed by the the

japanese military

to leave nothing behind and so they

didn't

no i was really mad about this because

it's like what if this thing fails

yeah he's like what about your generator

all your stuff all the tools he's like

they're gone

we're dumb he doesn't say that but isn't

that what

uh cortez did didn't he burn all of his

ships

when they got when they reached a new

world like all right done with these

i would do that too though if i just

spent like three months on a boat i'd be

like

burn that you're not going back

i thought we were just gonna cut to

credits here as the boat is like

drifting off into the sunset the time on

it i was like what

there's like 25 minutes left of this

still bernie is reading a bible at night

and she goes and wakes up noah to read

him a passage from it

and he's like oh is there a chapter on

radio repair he doesn't want to hear

anything from the bible

bernie got the bright idea of killing

pete the duck

so they throw the duck overboard and it

just flies in the wrong direction to

certain doom

she didn't want to kill him she wanted

him to fight

i just read a book about all this stuff

that didn't happen let's do one of the

things that didn't happen and see if it

happens

they they tie a note to him right but

the duck they let go it just it doesn't

know where it is

no it just flies off this flies probably

going to die in the ocean did you

actually tie a

note to the duck yeah i missed it it

would be really pointless if they didn't

tie no to them oh i just thought they

were going to be like okay fly off that

way a little ways and come bring us an

olive

branch tell us which way we should be

going bring us an olive branch we need

seasonings

the duck just flies off and then he says

well i flew the wrong way so

that's not going to help us but yeah

like maybe the duck knew that there was

something that turned out yeah

like i hope he speaks chinese like oh

man the chinese eat a lot of ducks

i liked um the line earlier though when

she's talking about how she wants to go

see the japanese guys

and he says yeah but why would they

trust you

that the war is over and she says

because i never lie and he's like great

do you know how to say that in japanese

because it's just like they're not going

to believe you if

if you did say it in japanese but if you

don't like

you can't even say that you can't even

lie to them in their own language julie

milks melinda

a cow while bobby tries to feed brutus a

banana

i don't know if longhorns eat bananas i

don't know what they eat but

banana feels wrong noah catches bobby

trying to feed brutus milk

and says that human food like

cow's milk is not for cows dummy

[Laughter]

the hens have stopped laying eggs and

the cow is not

giving milk anymore after this last

batch

noah points out that if the chickens

aren't laying then we might as well eat

them

and bobby overhears this part of the

conversation and is outraged

as an animal lover that they would

consider eating animals that aren't

fish and he suggests that he can catch

fish better than heroin cleveland who

are doing a terrible job of it so far

bobby suggests using a light to draw the

fish in

and catching them at night so from the

windows below sea level they can see

this plan

working they turn on all their lights

and the fish are basically swarming the

plane boat

and this is one of many times in which

bobby yells

at dugan dugan yells back and then dugan

says oh yeah

what do you think we should do and then

bobby says we should do x and he goes

you're a genius yeah like this happens

like five times in the movie yeah

it's really annoying they leave julie

alone with this aquarium view

when suddenly we see that alongside of

the fish a shark has been lured to the

plane

and so they decide to catch the shark i

think

well yeah the i guess the shark is is

following the boat and keeping the ships

it's scaring the fish away yeah so they

catch it bobby moves to investigate it

while they have it on the hook

and he falls overboard and so i don't

think they ever actually got it on the

hook

well they had it on the hook but it it

it got crashing around yeah

um but bobby instead of being on the

inside of the railing decides to

go on the outside of the railing and

then hang on with just one hand

he's a kid that's how everybody does it

that's how uh that's how some of us went

up the stairs as a kid

yeah they didn't fall out i definitely

didn't fall off and

hit a coat rack on my way down that for

sure didn't happen

uh how do you fall off of stairs my

parents spiral staircase

i was climbing up on the outside of the

room oh yeah okay because it was a

spiral yeah yeah and i was like

i was like seven and i got to the top

and i was like look mom and then i just

fell off and hit a big metal coat rack

on the way down well we shouldn't get

eaten by a shark yeah it's all here

it's all for you davey that's what i

said

we just watched the omen and i wanted to

freak him out

[Laughter]

but yeah the kid falls overboard he gets

eaten we cut to the next morning

everyone's sad no the kid doesn't get

eaten noah jumps overboard

and he collects bobby from the water i i

think it's weird here

that our soldiers are trying to prevent

him from jumping in

like prevent noah from jumping out yeah

they're like hold him back like no no

don't go in after the kids

well he's a lost cause i'm fun for

himself no i think

i think it was that i think they were

worried that he was going to prove that

they were shitty fishermen

and they wanted that kid to get eaten i

i think it was that the kid's done for

and if you jump into your [ __ ]

like there's there's

this is it you gotta try to save the kid

that's crazy do you though

bernie ends up killing the shark with a

flare gun but she seems really upset

about it

like maybe the shark not unlike the

japanese soldiers was just kidding about

trying to murder orphans

noah choose the kid out for almost dying

but he apologizes later that night

he doesn't apologize though he kind of

does well he he says i'm sorry i had to

come down

sorry i had to come down so hard on you

right he didn't say i'm sorry i did this

he says i'm

i agree 100 with that wording i'm not

sorry that i yelled at you for jumping

on society

you did this yeah because he apologizes

a lot through this movie and i was like

if you apologize for this

this is where you are the most at in the

right

and i was like okay i'm glad he didn't

really like apologize apologize

and then uh somehow it takes until the

next morning for bernie to realize that

this is all her fault

all of it yeah from every step of it

it's like didn't need to put these

animals on a plane

didn't need to risk these kids lives do

you need to set us so far off course

where where and where did they get the

b29 was that just stoney did so

i think stoney just had called in a

favor noah tries to cheer her up with

some hopeful talk he's trying to use

some of her positive thinking

to turn her around and very suddenly

they're hit with a bad storm

and it breaks apart a lot of the

scaffolding they have on the outside of

the boat plane

and cracks the uh the cockpit window

right so they have to

shut that part of the plane off hiro

shows the kids pictures of his own

children

who i wanted to see at the end of this

film they're probably 40 something by

then

and 80 something by now the next morning

they pop above deck to see that they

have survived the storm

and as they celebrate above deck

cleveland calls dugan down and he says

he fall down very bad i think he's dying

jess was like expecting ricky schroeder

to just be lying there

he goes down to the bottom there's just

like this kid on the floor with a katana

in his back

but no it's brutus he gestures for the

soldiers to get him the gun

luckily not the flare gun this time yeah

yeah and uh

so there's a scene when the storm is

happening

and everything's breaking apart the show

brutus down

below decks uh just getting yanked

around yeah rocking back and forth in

this particular scene he has the nose

ring in

yeah and it's fastened and it's fastened

to the side of the boat i'm like guys

take that off of him yeah it's pretty

messed up they they use it

two or three times in this movie and it

bothers me every single time like when

the kit

it seems like every time the kid is near

this animal they have it chained up

through the nose

yeah because they have better control

over it that way but

this this next scene i thought was going

to go a couple of there's

yeah there's a there's a lot of ways

that i think this could have gone let's

hear

one of your alternate endings at first i

thought when the kid was

uh desperately like pleading for the

cow's life

and then hiro talks to him in japanese i

was like is he gonna have the kid kill

the cow that's what i was hoping would

have yes

but then i thought here who's just gonna

shoot the kid

how great would it be though if if the

kid takes the gun

and they make him pull the trigger and

the gun just explodes like all the guns

have so far

like it just didn't work and then

like you hear this coast guard horn in

the in the background you're just like

oh i just tried to kill my best friend i

like literally came completely to turns

with it and pulled the trigger

and i didn't kill it and now it's going

to be fine yeah

and brutus is just like [ __ ] you kid

the cow just hates him now but i i

really thought it's like

hiro just shoots the kid and looks like

that's what you wanted me to do right

yeah and be like yeah he fell down he's

dying

[Laughter]

but what actually happens is just as he

gets the gun

right up against brutus temple we hear a

coast guard horde honk

and bobby accidentally pulls the trigger

they're like oh my god it's the coast

guard ship and so they all run above

deck

and i was saying to just like oh good

the the longhorn gets to stay alive and

she's like

no i'm pretty sure they were saying it's

like dead dead like it wouldn't recover

from this and i was like

nah that thing's gonna be wearing a

tuxedo in the next scene

i was sure it had to die because like

when animals like that

have injuries if you've fallen down it

means you have some sort of leg injury

they just you know like with horses you

just

kill them you don't come back yeah the

fact that he's

fine in the next scene really kind of

bothered me yeah so

we literally cut to these establishing

shots of this coast guard ship that just

arrived

and then we're in a helicopter shot

flying around both of the boats together

and you're expecting like this is

obviously the end of the movie but no we

hear a guy say

i now pronounce you man and wife

and the woman from the orphanage has

just given up on all of her planes of

celibacy and has decided to marry this

guy

you think she was a nun well wasn't she

like she was saying she didn't want a

a family that she wanted to help other

people she didn't want kids of her own

well they got two kids of their own now

right they do now but when they were

talking in the jungle she said she

didn't have any plans for family yeah

she wanted to just help other people for

the rest of her life yeah i guess i

don't know that that is necessarily

like a vow a celebrity i didn't say vow

but it is celibacy when you don't have

sex with people that's what that's

called

and she's what

mission accomplished

[Laughter]

missionary accomplished but so they're

getting married now on the deck of this

ship and we cut below deck to see one of

the coast guardsmen

just like standing next to the longhorn

to show us that it's totally fine and

he's a doctor so

you know that it's okay yes he's a

doctor the duck is there too everybody's

accounted for the plane is like back in

working order no that's not true

but the duck i'm assuming that the duck

had a note

i think the duck flew directly to the

coast guard ship yeah and not to where

they thought it was gonna go

but if they didn't tie a note to it i

was just imagining like a duck lands on

a coast car chip and they're like

a duck anyway like they just go back to

work

and the duck just picks up and flies off

i also wanted the coast guard ship just

immediately get savagely rocked by

pirates

michael caine and his kid just murder

all of these people

oh my god i want to make a double

feature of these two movies

with the island second and just imply

that he killed the whole

[Music]

oh family be great is the implication at

the end of this movie that they really

did adopt the orphans

i'm assuming yeah because they're

orphans it's two movies in a row where

you're just like

this kid is ours now that's how disney

does it

this is where kids come from you just

find them on the street

he still also owes a lot of money to

these bookies

yeah well they're just never going back

but now the movie is actually over

and the coast guardsmen are enjoying an

enormous rack of ribs at the reception

no that's not true this film was

directed by charles jarrett

who uh will direct condor man next year

yeah

he also directed uh genevieve bujold in

anne of a thousand days which earned

both of them oscar nominations just

prior to this

the writer stephen w carabazzos

also wrote a movie called tentacles in

77 that i want to check out

killer octopus oh never mind

different different different genre

[Laughter]

uh he also wrote hot pursuit which was

directed by tron director steve

lisberger

and i think it just got remade with uh

reese witherspoon and

sophia yeah there you go i didn't

recognize much work from the other two

writers

the novelist ernest k gan also wrote

classic aviation novels the high and the

mighty

and fate is the hunter both of which

were adapted into films

though those ones kept their names this

one changed from the gremlins castlebee

why was it called that um i don't know

no idea the composer was maurice jari

who had written the themes for lawrence

of arabia dr zhivago ghost witness like

big

important stuff and the lyrics were from

lyricist hal david

so he wrote the lyrics for lawrence

lawrence of arabia

he's an english guy and he came to fight

the turkish

um yes he wrote those oh wait no steven

first wrote those right no who

gutenberg no it wasn't gutenberg

gutenberg's not in that movie

oh uh is the guy playing the gutenberg

part yeah yeah yeah

the guy from batman robert wall there

you go

but uh hal david wrote lyrics for uh

bert bacharach

he wrote the lyrics to the look of love

the oscar-nominated song from casino

royale the terrible casino royale he

also wrote

raindrops keep falling on my head which

won an oscar for butch cassidy and the

sundance kid

and what the world needs now basically

every bird bacharach song that's in an

austin powers movie

and his brother mack david composed the

theme for cinderella all the music for

the cinderella disney movie

elliot gould was our lead character here

noah dugan covered him in mash

he was in oceans 11 through 13 and

i would say best known for mr stoppable

on kim possible

genevieve bujold was bernadette lefleur

she played

anne cruck and murder by decree and

claire and dead ringers

ricky schroeder played bobby this was

his second film after the champ

and he'll be back later this year for

the earthling i'm trying to remember who

is in the earthling with him i want to

say it's

the guy from the changeling uh george c

scott maybe

i can't remember now or william holden

who knows

anyway we'll find out we'll find out in

the earthling

uh that's like less than a month away

too i think and he also played

uh detective on nypd blue ricky

schroeder did as rick schroeder

in in adulthood we're not going to talk

about silver spoons sure we could talk

about something

he was on silverspoon you know what was

surprising is when i looked him up

that show wasn't on you know how they

have like the first

five things that oh yeah it's not in his

top things why is it not featured as the

number one thing that he's known for

there's at least one thing on there that

i didn't recognize too right

yeah it's a weird choice uh julie was

played by

our good friend tammy lloyd yeah she's

the lead in the wish master film the

first wish master film

and she played a character in macgyver

season 1 episode 11 nightmares

and we actually spoke with her for that

episode and she's a wonderful lady

she told us it was around the same time

that uh robin williams had passed and

she talked about her

time working with him on mork and mindy

and other uh interactions that they had

had and she was very sweet lady

john fujioka played cleveland here we

had him earlier this year in private

eyes as mr uwatsum

he was the chef he was the chef in uh

privatized at least this movie

he was a little bit less of a stereotype

yeah

i would say significantly less offensive

character and

we covered a lot of his credits in that

episode yuki shimoda was hiro

and he'll be back as katsumo in the

octagon later this year

and of course we had dana elkar or dana

elkhart sorry

said that wrong for an entire podcast

dana elkhart was benchley

he played pete in macgyver and we had

him earlier this year on the nude bomb

as the chief and he put his characters

macgyver in this one you hit

pete benchley yeah and i think he'll

also be in

condor man i'm pretty sure from the same

director and is condorman also a disney

movie it is yeah

all right jess up or down you know i

think i'm

actually gonna give this one an up okay

interesting

i wasn't bored sure at all i enjoyed the

film the whole way through

i thought the acting was good i thought

the story was decent there's actually

nothing

that i would consider like bad like

there's nothing i would have taken out

it had a little bit of a weird editing

problem with the awkward

non-ending thing but overall i think it

was

uh it was a decent film i gave it up

okay

richard uh i think i'm gonna give it a

down

i did not dislike it i i was pretty

engaged

in it but you mentioned tv movie earlier

and this felt like a very wonderful

world of disney yes

kind of kind of film and it's from the

writers and director of

a lot of wonderful world of disney stuff

yeah i couldn't imagine have gone to the

theater to see it but yeah i didn't

didn't like it but

didn't hate it that's it that's all i

got to say i am also giving it a down

i agree that there's nothing like that

stands out as being a problem with it

and i obviously really like ellie gould

in almost anything

i just feel like there probably wasn't

enough for me personally to recommend

this film

a shark almost eats a kid that is cool

seeing ricky schroeder almost eaten by a

shark is decent

letterboxed jess uh so i probably

i guess put this higher than you guys i

have it

above nijinsky and

below when time ran out it's probably a

third of the way down my list

okay richard

boy how did the juggler get up so high

on my list

because it's a great movie that's why um

i'm gonna put this between bronco billy

and

the gong show movie okay um for me it's

also going it's going above bronco billy

and

underneath hero at large so right on the

other side of bronco billy from

our last film herpegose bananas i think

that's everything for this one

if you guys have any thoughts you'd like

to share with us we're vintage videopod

on twitter facebook instagram and

letterbox where as i've said before you

can find each of our full movie rankings

for the year

we can also be found at

vintagevideopodcast.com please consider

rating us on itunes to help people find

the show and if you take the time to

leave us a review we will thank you

personally in an upcoming episode

if you're feeling especially generous

you can support the show through

patreon.com

vintage video podcast i hope you'll join

us next time when we'll be discussing

the stuntman

which imdb describes like so a fugitive

stumbles on a movie set just when they

need a new stuntman

takes the job as a way to hide out and

falls for the leading lady

we leave you now with a trailer for

stunt man

step right up folks ride the ride of the

century on eli's killer crane

[Music]

uh

the stunt man a man

on the run

the woman who had to know why who the

hell are you

and the director who offered him a

hiding place

you should be a stunt man who is an

actor

who is a character in a movie who is an

enemy soldier

who looked for you amongst all those

the stunt man in a world where nothing

is what it seems the hardest stunt

is to hold on to reality

it doesn't change the fact that the man

is

crazy

[Music]

it's the insanity of violence

[Music]

and the madness of make believe

you're cheating me you look at me like

i'm some kind of damn movie well i'm not

i'm real

[Music]

trapped in a nightmare wrapped up in a

movie

the stuntman an outrageous leap into the

unexpected