we're on a mission from god

wendy so i got that going darling

looks like i picked the wrong way to

quit sniffing blue light

of my life we enjoy your films

i thought they smelled bad on the

outside

[Music]

welcome to vintage video where we're

re-watching the 80s so you don't have to

we'll be reviewing every major film

release of the 1980s in real time

over analyzing what you've seen and

spoiling what you haven't i'm patrick

o'reilly i'm jesse bayless and i'm

richard wells and today marks the 40th

anniversary of the release of the little

dragons

aka karate kids usa aka dragons

aka karate kids on july 18 1980.

why did it have so many names well did

you see how many writers there were

yeah each one got to pick a title and

they just released it under four

different names

just flip a coin it was written by

harvey applebaum and louis g

atlee and rudolph borchert

and ellen orr but the so the first two

it's an ampersand so they wrote it

together right rudolph orchard rewrote

it

alan ormsby rewrote it again it was

directed by curtis hansen

and released by aurora film corporation

you know that huge distributor that we

all know

this uh this shouldn't have been on the

list i argued for it

but it is on the list because it came

out in 1980

yeah curtis hansen is a known entity

okay and we also have joe spinella in

here and i felt bad leaving out any of

joe spinelle for the year but do we were

we able to confirm that it actually had

a theatrical release

i was able to confirm next to nothing

beyond what i've said so far

that i could not find any making of

information for this film whatsoever i

mean it looks like directive video

quality

i wouldn't even call it that i think

that's made for tv

yeah i i feel like i mean it felt like a

disney movie special

it did but this is the weird thing

though is that

this is actually before the karate craze

so

that's why i probably started it i'm

sure this inspired definitely

for sure but the reason that they

re-released it as karate kids usa

was to trick people into seeing this

after the movie karate kid had made a

bunch of money they were like oh well

let's put this back out there karate kid

was years later

right and the production value is not

comparable

at all but like i don't even understand

the logic behind i guess

they do it all the time but is it but

i'm trying to understand like

nowadays i sort of get the logic behind

it like when people are

looking through a streaming service and

they and they they stumble upon the

wrong thing

but for a video store but okay so it was

the assumption that

in the video store you would get

confused yeah you go or you're at the

shelf and you're like oh karate kids

rent it out oh but karate kids usa is

here

so they they specifically title it that

so alphabetically it would be right next

to the other movie

it's probably the same maybe this is the

sequel that i didn't hear about yet and

then you rent it and you're disappointed

and you bring it back

and then you yell at your grandparents

yeah this isn't the one i wanted grandma

and then you go back to the store and

you yell at me or richard who rented it

to you

i didn't warn you

we start the film with a kid named woody

and he's late to his karate lesson but

his brother was on time so i'm not sure

how that happened

um it seems like they don't have parents

and they live on the streets

yeah and occasionally their grandpa

takes them on a trip movie right no

yeah the no no parents and the

grandfather only occasionally shows up

or leaves without them

yeah the instructor gives woody the

stink eye

when he comes in and he's walking around

very harshly correcting the form of his

classmates

the instructor allows woody to join the

class after performing some perfunctory

push-ups

an older gentleman enters the dojo and

waves to woody this is their

grandfather jj uh woody is bad at karate

and runs full speed into a punching bag

after his friends kick it

clearly showing what you're supposed to

do um i

i like that uh his one of his friends

says i thought you were going fishing

with your grandfather this weekend

it's like i was like who the heck was

that yeah they decided later what this

person was gonna be saying exposition

yeah it was like he's being taken over

by a demon

yeah it really did sound like that at

the end of their lesson the instructor

asks who will be going to the upcoming

demonstration

and when woody raises his hand with

everyone else yeah i have his his friend

whispers in an adult's voice

we are our lake's right by the retreat

he says the instructor gives them

his concluding speech about knowing and

touching the face of darkness to make it

light

whatever that means i get the impression

that he says this at the end of every

lesson outside the class

grandpa jj walks the kids to his

motorhome which looks more like a

long ice cream truck yeah i was thinking

the exact same thing i'm like

it's either ice cream or fish tacos

coming out of this thing yeah

that's true it could be a food truck

this is pre-food truck though

uh somehow they've never seen this

vehicle but he claims to have had it a

while

he likes it so much that he finally just

sold his house so he can live in this

uh wow that's living the dream though

yeah

just before the tiny house craze too

like he's on top of it

yeah well he's on top of a lot of

cultural waves i would say

while he drives the kids ask if fishing

and retirement in general is boring and

he seems to enjoy it suddenly a huge

newer motor home honks while passing

them on the road the kids are very

impressed by this equally boring motor

from the outside it doesn't look as cool

as jj's motorhome

woody says is that

way to travel baby way to trap

all of woody's like one-liners are

really forced yeah definitely it just

seems like

they just gave them the line to read

right then exactly and then the director

gave him the line read and everything

too he's like say it like this say

with my exact intonation these words and

then they recorded it

the older brother zack apologizes on

woody's behalf for his excitement

grandpa isn't offended though and refers

to his own rv as a precursor to the

nicer one

in the other rv a daughter asks how much

longer

and her mother chastises the father

driving for having taken a wrong turn

he asks them to get him a perrier from

the fridge

the daughter drops it in her father's

lap and instead of picking up the

still-spilling bottle of perrier

mom reaches under him to soak up the

water

with the map that they were using i like

when the girl grabs the parry out of the

fridge and just handed it to the dash

like your daddy i didn't shake it this

time

why would you have everything seems like

they're just both torturing him for this

entire trip and she says i'm sorry

it's like if you apologize your dad is

like don't try to reason with your

father carol

it's like what is your problem

underlying things happening here she's

trying to soak up this

this water with the map that they should

be using to figure out where they're

going

abs aren't particularly absorbent when

they basically drive off of a cliff

but it's just they tilted the camera at

an angle and then drove near a tree

yeah to make it look like they hit a

tree i actually had to back this seat up

like two or three times i'm like wait

are they implying that they hit the tree

because it so clearly looked like they

didn't hit the tree yeah i'm like i'm

not sure if they meant

us to believe they did i i don't know

i it's open to interpretation this is an

art film basically

um the dad sounds like walter matthau

though driving this truck at least in

the very beginning

oh when he's complaining about the map

it's great i just it sounds exactly like

him

but uh the mom is continuing to give him

[ __ ] about not being a better driver

while people are just

surprisingly dumping [ __ ] in his lap

while he's steering the car

he tells his wife that he's entitled to

a little more consideration

i just think i'm entitled to a little

more consideration that's all

and then the daughter repeats this line

later to their dog

we also heard this line in the movie

night of the juggler when the detective

tried to leave the rich people's

apartment in the middle of a kidnapping

investigation i think i'm entitled

to some consideration sounds like a

weird way to phrase that i i mean maybe

it was a 1980 thing

it's just a privilege phrase it's

something that rich people say

to everyone it's kind of like a it's the

male version of can i see your manager

these are the two different things

because if a dude ever said that that

would be wrong

yeah cause they don't say that they just

say you're fired i am the boss of every

employee i speak with

the daughter steps out of the rv to go

on a short walk with the dog rufus

and loses it immediately when she calls

out to him in the woods

no uh the dog ran away uh

because it turns out that dogs don't

know everywhere

so if you just let them out of your

truck in the wilderness they might

wander into it she calls out to him in

the woods and we suddenly see a pair of

legs

up on a ledge behind her and she slowly

turns around to see a scary man growling

at her like a maniac

this is our joe spinelle character for

the day

he's i think it's like his fifth one for

the year the creepy guy who we will come

to know later as yancey

runs up to his ma and brother they might

actually be saying laurel though you

don't know

is that that audio recording looks like

either nancy or laurel

maybe that clip is from this movie yeah

yancey's not a very common name so he

growls at her and she just runs away

he doesn't he doesn't stay with her or

chase her or anything

but then he runs back to his house where

his mom

and brother carl are setting up outside

their their backwoods cabin

and he shows them the creepy bear growl

that he did to scare a little girl

and ma asks what little girl and he says

some big old shiny bus up on the

roadways that's where she ran off to

and she sends carl to go see what the

story is with this shiny bus

and reminds the answer not to scare the

hell out of people for no reason

because she's a nice person and wouldn't

wouldn't condone that kind of behavior

right in the rv dad can't get the phone

working and mom doesn't understand how

cb radios work

like she doesn't know anything about cb

radios what you're supposed to say or

anything

even the most like literally the only

thing that you would know if you knew

anything is that smoky means the police

well i'm i'm not even entirely sure that

she's pressing the button

yeah probably not quite but i just felt

like

she should be on the phone and he should

be on the cv radio because if he asked

for a cb radio to be installed then he

might know how to use it

mm-hmm but i feel like she's kind of

sexist of you to assume that she doesn't

know how to use it she says she doesn't

know how to use it

but yeah when she admits that she

doesn't know what smokies are then their

daughter has to explain what they are

probably because she just saw smokey in

the bandit

the daughter notices the man who scared

her outside and dad says

hill people carol okay you two stay here

and lock the doors behind me come on

okay i know how to talk to these people

[Laughter]

the hill people confirm mom's suspicion

that he took a right too soon

and they see that the problem is just

that the wheels are off the ground

because the ground is uneven

and that a rock pile should be enough to

get the traction they need to back the

rv

back onto the street even though they

just told him a free way to fix the

problem he offers them

50 bucks to put one rock under the tire

which in 1980 equates to about 156

dollars now

without inflation this is already too

much money for what they're talking

about doing

i feel though he hesitates to say how

much he like he as in

he doesn't want he doesn't want to

insult them yeah does he think that

these people are like

union or something well more so like he

doesn't want to admit to how much money

he has

possibly on him i feel like admitting

that you have

50 dollars on you was too much was too

much

well he might not have had a smaller

note on him though

that's true yancy slides down a ravine

to collect rocks

when he notices the daughter watching

him from the rv window and he slips back

into his bear impression momentarily

to freak her out and she slams the

window shot grandpa pulls up to the lake

and starts to unload all of his garbage

tree hugger snacks

he has raisins carob chip cookies

which no one has ever liked that's

always been a prank food

and sesame sticks which i assume are

just sticks with sesame seeds peppered

on them

i actually thought this scene was kind

of funny because i'm just like oh these

foods seem totally normal to me now

yeah but i think at the time it was

supposed to be a joke no i know it i

know at the time it was supposed to be a

joke and

and you know back back in the 80s and

the 90s that you know

eating health food was funny yeah now

i'm just like yeah that's that's totally

normal snack for kids he even has a

reusable canvas shopping bag with

save a tree stitched across the side of

it i like that they they're eating these

soy burgers and it's like it tastes

close enough like meat

yeah it's like oh we have that now yeah

it's like we definitely didn't in 1980

though no

40 years later we barely have what

they're pretending to eat in this movie

woody tells him exactly what a kid would

say in response to this unprovoked

attack i'm sorry grandpa but i just

can't eat this natural [ __ ]

zach compliments woody's vocabulary and

he apologizes

i'm sorry i won't say [ __ ] anymore

that's exactly what jack does yeah it's

many times

i could repeat this word grandpa tells

them that their dad used to make his own

curse words like souffle

before grandpa murdered their father i

don't know what happened to their father

they never get into it

carl gets the fancy rv unstuck and pays

them with a 50

bill specifically so they can't split it

yancy asks

who's that big hairy looking jagoff

who's that old hairy hippie looking

jagger

in reference to president grant's

portrait on the bill

and grant isn't particularly hairy

he's got a mustache he's got a big beard

yeah yeah but i mean like to me like i i

would say like jackson

would ha has like longer hair in his

part yeah that's true and grant

seems like his his hair is more well

maybe on set they were using a 20

or something because he because carl has

a beard yeah

but when he says harry logan jack off i

wanted i wanted

the dad to be like oh he's the reason

that uh that you guys don't have slaves

anymore

you guys yeah you specifically the two

of you

um

[Laughter]

his ghost killed your slaves what that

doesn't make sense

is that the ghost of stonewall jackson

who was that uh john c reilly yeah

that's so great

carl asks if they might have a look

through the rv because they've never

seen one so nice

and uh the father is so flattered here

that he lets these scary men on the rv

with the daughter who they traumatized

mere moments ago

he tells them exactly to the penny but

he paid for this trailer for some reason

and uh they step out of the rv and it

pulls away

67 000 by the way we cut to woody still

being bad at karate

just sort of swinging around near the

lake

uh zach and woody are carrying firewood

when suddenly a gang of bikers blow down

the path next to them one of them is

knocked off the path and nearly collides

with the kids but they jump out of the

way at the last second

and woody calls him a souffle and then

we watch the biker loop back around

to poke fun at their pajamas because

apparently they didn't bring any clothes

on this trip and will permanently stay

in their uniforms from the karate lesson

but he tells them that they haven't seen

the last of him

cause nobody called me safely

back at the campsite zac and gramps are

pretending to enjoy

soy burgers and coaxing woody to try his

gramps is being very passive aggressive

with the diet he's forcing on these

children

oh you don't have to eat it but oh shoot

it's all i have so

maybe just die the fancy rv pulls into

the camp

back at the backwoods cabin ma

congratulates carl on a successful

fact-finding mission

because he came back with a lot of info

about how much money these people make

and

what their situation is carl says that

the dad probably isn't with the

government because his hair is too long

and

he had a flush toilet in the camper so

they're clearly rich he also rattles off

a whole list of steelable [ __ ] on the rv

at the campsite the daughter says that

she's going to go for a walk

and dad reminds her to please put shoes

on because there's fungus

poison ivy and dog [ __ ] everywhere she

says you never let me do anything

fine like stepping dog [ __ ]

and poisonous and poison ivy so when her

parents look away she sneaks off without

shoes

just despite her father woody tries to

show zack his flying kick and goes

barreling over a branch into the lake

uh and lands next to this barefoot girl

when the barefoot girl's dad notices

that she left mom volunteers to find her

while dad watches the stakes even though

she's like

a hundred feet that way talking to

campers they can probably see from here

yeah they're parked pretty close to each

other yeah you can definitely see the

trailers from

each other's trailer she asks if they

plan on going to the hoot nanny tonight

she wants to but she doubts her parents

will let her because they brought her

here specifically to avoid fun

gramps tells woody to get into the van

and dry off

but don't you dare change into another

outfit uh suddenly the girl's mom

approaches shouting carol

carol carol to the barefoot girl she

yanks her away and says

hi come on your father is watching our

stakes which i think is code for

we both know he's going to burn them

despite her mom

shouting her name at her several times

here zach calls after her

bye whatever your name is

she replies it's carol

[Laughter]

i thought that was just hello in your

language yeah when they get back to the

campsite

they find the grill unattended and their

stakes ash she starts screaming

to her husband and i was hoping against

hope it wasn't his name

he exits the rv apologizing evidently

something came up at work that required

his attention

she pretends that stakes are more

important than his job carol watches

from inside as they fight

her dad absentmindedly knocks over the

grill she moves

into her room in the trailer to dress up

and brush her hair to prep for the

hootenanny

she sneaks out again this time with

shoes and as she walks a path

she sees zach and woody peddling a

paddle boat down the river

uh in their formal karate uniforms just

kidding it's the same ones

but woody is dry now apparently she hops

aboard

the hoot nanny seems more like a daycare

center a guy is leading the crowd in a

group rendition of

my darling clementine and he holds the

mic up to the faces of a few singers to

offer commentary

i'm pretty sure he just told the first

woman no like he didn't like her singing

but eventually he gets around to jj

who's like shout sings some lyrics

i didn't think he was going to be here

when the third seed on the paddle boat

was empty earlier but i guess they just

made grandpa walk so they could hit on

chicks on the way here

the guy leading the song is particularly

impressed by carol's mediocre singing

and invites her on stage to sing with

him carol's parents enter

right as she starts her solo well

apparently dogs aren't allowed on stage

yes so she leaves that with the boys but

her parents are blown away by their

daughter's talent

zach seems transfixed on her kind of

like he kind of looks like a blonde

preteen dave franco here a little bit

when she rejoins the boys she asks if

they know where her dog went the one she

left with them

and what he says uh no i was invited on

stage

you guys lost him they offered to help

her find it and all three leave together

i love i love this exchange because zack

goes better go look for him i'll go with

you

sure if you want to i'll go too all

right

carol's parents who only just now

realize their daughter is a person

forget again immediately when they're

invited by the man on stage to

participate in the hokey pokey

the hokey pokey seems supernaturally

appealing when even a couple sharing a

joint outside are lured in by a

siren song

they play little part in the rest of the

film though it's

it's weird that we we have a specific

shot

i mean they're they're in a couple more

scenes but it's just it's a weird

subplot to have these stoner characters

just obsessed with the hokey pokey the

kids split up and start calling for

rufus in the woods

it sounds like the boys are saying roof

us

which though it is spelled that way is

usually pronounced rufus

uh carol steps into her fancy trailer

and finds rufus whimpering in the back

suddenly yancy flushes the toilet on

board and

smiles a twisted smile at her through a

crack in the door he chases her through

the trailer till

she finds her path blocked at the exit

by carl it looked like this movie was

about to get much

darker very quickly the way they're

cutting back and forth with the hokey

pokey

yeah and then the disturbing scenes of

like her being like

chased after yeah i was like this is

actually really creepy how this is being

edited

yeah i was like is this actually like

gonna be like a murder or like

molestation situation like that that's

what's going to be some pokey pokey

happening

yeah at the end of the hokey pokey song

dick and ruth

forbinger and jj are released from their

trance to observe their missing

descendants

jj says he thinks carol left with his

grandsons

woody finds a radio on the ground

outside of the fancy rv

and carries it inside everything looks

trashed from the tussle between carol

and the bad guys

ruth and dick open the door to it to

find him standing there with the radio

and flashlight

and he tries to explain what happened he

offers to lead everyone in the direction

that zach was looking for rufus in case

that's helpful zack finds carol bound

and gagged in the woods

but just as he reaches her yancy knocks

him out cold with a right cross

and then he picks up the girl and carl

whips out a big knife to slit the throat

of the unconscious child

zack comes too and kicks the knife out

of his hand before running away

carl sneaks up where zach was hiding

behind a log and

zach leaves just before carl pops up

over the side of it and stabs his knife

into the wood

back with the parents and grandparent

dick tells jj that his grandson

is responsible for this and he'll be

he'll be charged accordingly because

it's

your your grandson's fault that my

daughter is missing apparently the

trailer being in disarray wasn't proof

enough that

the daughter was taken though because

he's still only threatening to call the

police

something that he should have done

instantly there should already be an

amber alert out even like what if they'd

just put her in a car and drove away

jj seems disappointed that dick is

considering bringing in the authorities

the only possible explanation for that

is that in the back of his head he's

considering

that maybe zach did murder this girl

they split up which i feel like i

wouldn't do

if i actually thought these people were

responsible for my daughter's

disappearance

zack follows yancey and carl to the

entrance of a mine

and he watches them lay her down against

some rocks they use a board as a bridge

to get across a big hole in the mine and

then pull the board back so they strand

her there on this ledge that she can't

get

there's like a big pit blocking her way

so she can't get out of the hole

the bad guys keep the dog in a potato

sack they tell mama everything they've

done

and clearly they intend to ransom the

girl but mama says that what they did is

felony fbi stuff and they tell her they

were going to use the ransom money to

buy her tickets to wayne newton so she's

suddenly back on board with the plan

the first cop on the scene is a rookie

kid on account of the sheriff's

heartburn they sent

lester over the officer is overwhelmed

by the details of the case and phones

the sheriff anyway

oh listen i'm up to the short hair

sierra you think you can come over and

give me a hand

thanks dad zack who waited outside the

mine eventually moves in

he takes a bat to the face at the cave's

entrance an animal bat not a baseball

bat

and carol can hear him shout and tries

to call to him yeah

he's trying to she's trying to call to

him but he's not responding so i guess

he just hit the bat and was like

[ __ ] this it turned around and left yeah

um or she's really maybe deep inside the

cave

maybe but she hears him scream so if his

voice carried to her you would expect

the reverse she starts singing

clementine again and he does not respond

carl and ma are chopping up yancy's

archie comics

to compose a ransom note and he's pretty

upset about it uh they plan to

include a flower that yancy pulled out

of the girl's hair as proof that they

have her

with the note and they'll use the dog to

deliver it like the symbolism of being

deflowered here

oh god but like also we deflowered your

tongue

how is that unique to her it's a flower

she probably found in those woods

oh no it was it was on a face it was

like a manufactured thing oh okay

but either way but still it's not unique

to her right but when you're doing a

ransom you need

life yeah you need to prove that they're

alive not just that you have them and

and the cops never even ask for any

proof of life i guess they don't really

have any way to contact the killers at

all

it's a one-way communication i guess

anytime they need to send another

message they just have to kidnap the dog

again

uh but they they put all the stuff in a

bag and attach it to the dog to deliver

the note

the sheriff shows up at the hootenanny

building and he says they can't do much

until morning

but he'll get some men from the forestry

and fish and game services

on the case and he says they'll probably

find her in the morning it's no problem

he also advises them to never eat chili

out of a dented can

i'm not sure what difference a dent

would make

botulism what is that

the sheriff says that if he knows

anything with absolute certainty it's

that these kids are in absolutely no

danger

before the parents even leave the room

the rookie lester says

i'll bet you dimes to donuts those kids

aren't missing at all but they are

missing

even if as the sheriff suspects they're

just playing grab ass the fact that they

are not here with their parents means

they

are missing yeah another angle reveals

that not only were

carol's folks in the room when they said

it but jj and woody are still sitting at

the table with them

when the police suggested that his own

grandson was the kidnapper

jj calls him a souffle and they head out

the bad guys send the dog with the

ransom note

after more searching carol's parents and

jj settle down for the night

dick steps outside the trailer just as

carl is trying to coax the dog in its

direction

suddenly yancey is pounding on the horn

to call carl back

but dick somehow doesn't notice this car

honking or the man standing there at all

and he finds the note on rufus he calls

the sheriff back to confirm that this is

a kidnapping

and now a ransom situation jj goes to

knock on the forebringer's trailer

when he hears a siren approaching zach

finally returns and throws open the door

to jj's trailer

and asks woody where he went apparently

woody was sleeping outside

and has no idea where grandpa went the

sheriff looks over the ransom note and

assumes bizarrely that it's a joke

a quick reveal here for the first time

that the rookie is actually the son of

the sheriff

because he says i called the fbi myself

and swore to god they're on their way

i called the fbi and swore they're on

their way you swore that to them what

you guys are on your way here i'm

telling you and then he says didn't i

dad he actually calls him dead earlier

when he calls them did he oh yeah when

he says like

he's like i'm really overwhelmed here

all right thanks dad okay

but jj is very happy to learn that the

fbi are on the way because

when he got tired of not looking for one

grandson he abandoned the other one in a

sleeping bag

outside and now he's gone too back at

the shack

ma says they need a diversion so they

can collect the ransom money without

getting caught the fbi arrive

very quickly like the same night and

start taking testimony from everybody

and zach is leading woody back to the

mine so that they can

find the girl the fbi read the ransom

note

and the ransom note asks for 35 thousand

dollars to be left at bingham's point

at three p.m jj is confused why they

didn't mention zack in the note because

at the time it was written they all they

had was the girl

also the fbi immediately says can you

get me 35 000

yeah it was like i was like really the

fbi asks the four bringers can you two

have the

twenty five thousand dollars here by

this afternoon why does the fbi need to

borrow thirty five thousand dollars just

borrow it from like a local bank or use

forged money unless your plan is to let

them actually take it

i don't i don't know why you would need

the money from them a car drives

down a road past two construction

workers and one of them says

here comes the candy into a radio

presumably this is

way too obvious code for the ransom

money is in this car

and the two construction workers are

undercover lookouts

back in the cave zach and woody remake

the wood bridge

before it held the weight of joe spinell

and this girl

but now it's buckling under the weight

of just zack who is inexplicably

crossing first towards where carol is

trapped i was like just have her

go across yeah why why do you need to

meet in the middle

it's not necessary and also there's like

10 huge boards at the mouth of this cave

and a giant piece of sheet metal yeah

they should be using that in place of

this one fence panel this is why stem is

so important

we need to help kids understand

engineers yeah what are these kids going

to do with their art history degrees

at 10 years old less karate more science

yeah uh zach slowly backs up before the

board collapses into the pit

zach walks past a huge pile of wood to

get help

and leaves his kid brother with carol

zack takes the flashlight because

apparently this mine has

enough natural light for them to see

right and zach

can't see outside in the daytime one of

the fbi agents is now handcuffed to a

briefcase with way more than 25 000

in it or thirty five thousand dollars

because like thirty five thousand

dollars would be like

a stack of bills yeah like a small stack

of bills so these are all 20s

but they're bundled into like large

stacks of 20s

and i think there the bands say that

it's 500

worth of 20s but there's like 10 in a

stack

and there's way more than seven stacks

in this thing well it's like that scene

in

um dodgeball when he opens the briefing

yeah he's like i don't know if you've

ever seen a hundred thousand dollars

except maybe in the movies

but i assure you something gets lost in

the translation

it opens up and there's this two little

stacks of bills and it's like it's like

wow

the briefcase doesn't appear to lock

though which kind of defeats the purpose

of handcuffing anyone to it

because you could just open it and take

the money out yeah they get a call that

zach has been spotted on his way back to

the camp

or at least a kid in a karate uniform in

the mine

woody is teaching carol to do karate

yelps

zach finds the cops and the parents and

offers to lead them all to the mine

where their daughter is

after he finishes this sandwich yeah he

sits and eats a whole sandwich before he

offers to tell them anything could have

done this in the car on the way there

like he got there and i was like oh do

you want a sandwich he's like oh yeah

sure i guess

that's great i'm also gonna take a quick

nap and then i'll fill you in lester the

rookie insists that there is no pit in

these mines

for no apparent reason he's just like oh

i know those pits like the back of my

hand

there's definitely no pits in those

mines i thought it was going to be to

like

lend that his story doesn't add up but

then they find the pit yeah so at least

that part of his story is true uh woody

winds up making

another karate yelp when a loud scream

and someone else's voice is heard

are they really called yelps i feel like

i googled it and they're not called that

i was gonna say there's gonna be some

karate listeners that are gonna be like

they're not yelps but you know what i'm

saying when i say karate yelp listener

even if you haven't seen this movie you

know what a karate yelp is

it's where you review karate studios

that's perfect she asks how he did that

with his voice and he says he didn't

before yancey takes credit

he says that's my wolf howl how'd you

like it

carl shows up also and they gag both

kids and carry them away just as the

cops are showing up with zach

the bad guys sneak out of a back passage

and carol kicks off a shoe to leave a

trail

when the cops see that carol and woody

are not on the ledge around the pit

anymore

they assume that zack is bullshitting

them and demand he stay out of this

investigation

jj waits until all the law enforcement

people are gone to suggest checking any

more of the cave than just this entrance

at the shack mom wonders aloud how upset

she would have been

if someone had kidnapped her kids and

carl relieves her by pointing out how

all their lives would have been better

yancey wouldn't have ended up in a state

hospital

carl could have avoided prison and dad

wouldn't have left

she changes her tune and now thinks that

they might be doing these parents a

favor

forgetting for a moment how ransoms work

and that the plan isn't to keep these

kids

unless the new plan is to murder them

the new plan is to murder them it seems

like

they've already made that decision yes

woody and carol untie each other in the

shack next to a pile of televisions

i mean isn't that kind of weird that

with in the ransom

like agreement there was no like

indication of any except how the kids

would get turned in yeah yeah

because they're just like oh wait we're

gonna give you the money and then

then what nothing then you get another

note and you give us more money

give a mouse a cookie he'll ask for 35

000

the fbi explains that they have placed a

small radio transponder in the briefcase

to track the kidnappers movements dick

demands to make the handoff himself and

i really wanted this to be because he

secretly planned to steal the money and

leave his family forgetting that the

cash was his to begin with

jj has used fishing line to make a trail

through the cave

so that they don't get lost and he ran

out of line right when they find the

shoe that carol had kicked off

and it's near another passage so they

climb

out of a second exit to the cave and

from the

exit of this cave you can see their

backwoods shack it's right there

it really bothers me that the fbi didn't

believe him

when he brought them down to the cave

he's the only witness to the crime

he's the only witness why would he make

it up because they have received a

ransom already and his brother has been

taken soon he's been taken

and like their excuse was what did they

like leave before we got here

and the answer is yeah yeah they did

what did they do

fly out of here and it's like i don't

understand that reference

there's so much cave that you guys

didn't check they could be

in here right now but like also the time

between

when i brought you down here and they

were in here

yeah it was night when i left they could

have just walked out of the front of the

cave without you seeing them

yeah it's very weird ma is doing a

checklist

at the shack they have masks dynamite

shotguns

and kids are the things they need before

they can leave

yancy and carl drive away to

do their part which is to activate a

diversion and collect the money

jj and zack assume that carol and woody

are in the house

which they've now snuck up right

alongside so they're they're hiding

behind

like a little ledge yeah it's like it's

like

like a dry riverbed or something yeah

and uh they're watching the house and

they're like i bet that they took the

kids and they're inside that shack right

now

jj sends zach back to the campgrounds to

find the police again

do you know where you are yeah because

we just came out of a cave somewhere

else

yeah well i assumed that he would just

backtrack the exact path he would go

back back in the game find the fishing

line back out of the entrance and do

whatever he did to get there in the

first place

so i like that zach gives him a little

grief about like he's like

are you serious and he's like yeah

what's the problem he's like nothing i'm

just getting a lot of exercise today

because this poor kid has had to go back

and forth to the campsite so many times

he's like the cops think i'm a lying

sack of [ __ ] why are they gonna believe

anything that we say and he's like

here give him this shoe that's proof and

it's like if they don't believe anything

i've said so far

they're not gonna care that i have the

shoe of the girl they think i'm murdered

like what difference is that gonna make

here's the proof i didn't kill her

her shoe i found her head there's the

proof i didn't kill her what where did

you find it

it's in my van the cops set up all their

surveillance equipment

and uh yancey heads to bingham point

while carl plants the diversion zack

runs up to the guy with the joint

from the hokey pokey earlier and asks if

he knows where the fbi went

and the guy ditches his second joint and

uh

just keeps asking what do you talk about

fbi what what about fbi and he's like

okay never mind

i'm not gonna get anything out of you

zach finds jj's ice cream truck

and practices driving for the first time

he backs over a tent

and then he rips it completely off of a

camper luckily he didn't just

vehicularly manslaughter this guy it

looks like the fbi

eventually trusted dick with his own

money because now he's holding the

briefcase walking through the woods

we cut inside the surveillance van

beeping and whirring very loudly loudly

enough to hear from outside

and then the first fbi guy notices that

the briefcase is already moving and he

runs outside to the second fbi guy

and it seems like they're implying that

dick just snuck off with the money

yeah that was handcuffed to the agent

earlier

and i don't really understand what's

happening here like why

why does he want to steal it to go up

there on his own

like what's his plan and why do these

fbi agents leave 35 000

in an unattended briefcase well and and

was the agent

talking to the wife because he's talking

to a woman

and like is that the moment so i thought

the agent was chatting up the mom

okay so so and maybe she was supposed to

be a diversion so that the dad could

steal the money back to give it to the

guy but why did he want to do that

yeah i mean i know he's but why

yeah why would he want to well just

because it's you know it's his money and

it's his kid

but along the same lines like he when he

said

when can you get the 35 000 here he

would just be like

you know what i'm gonna have them send

it in a briefcase and then i don't have

to ask

you to let me carry the briefcase to the

kidnappers because it's my [ __ ] money

and this is america and i'm allowed to

carry my money wherever i want to

america murca dick brings the money to

bingham point

just as zach is driving out of the

campsite zack is blocked by

the entire biker gang from earlier

souffle yanks him out of the driver's

seat

and drags him to see the rest of them

and he calls zack mr pajamas

but the youtube subtitles here read mr

butt job

which threw me off at first uh

these are obviously automated subtitles

that it made me laugh i was like what

did he say we gotta back this up i told

you the best part of watching these

movies on youtube was the

automated captions there's some fun

stuff in there

we get a lot of footage of i wanted to

play a game where i i tell you what

youtube said and you try and tell me

which line from the movie that was

but uh i didn't have a lot of time to do

that we get a lot of footage of

meaningless monitors in the surveillance

van

i'm pretty sure they're all displaying

audio graphs anyway

uh none of these look like a map with

like a blinking dot to indicate where

the money is well i think

the one has like a series of bars that

are moving left or right

yeah and i guess the implication is that

when they're moving to the right

the transmitter is moving away and when

they're moving to the left it's coming

back towards them

super not useful well if if that is true

there should also have been a monitor

with a map showing a dot moving on it

that was

tracking based on the other mode if this

is the only surveillance van

that radio transmitter it's it's only

going to tell you if it's coming away

getting closer or going further away

yeah that's literally you can't

show where it is on a map without at

least having multiple locations

being true you have to triangulate yeah

dick moves through the trees with the

briefcase when he is surprised and

knocked out by yancey

yancey runs off with the money and back

in the surveillance van

the agents make a note that the money's

on the move again but hasn't it been

this whole time

how can you tell the difference between

dick carrying the money and yancey

carrying the money

nevertheless they call in the handoff

like it's official to the fbi which i

it technically is but there's no way

they could have known that because it

would have looked the same to them as if

he stopped again to look around

sat down for a minute like he's already

a couple times while we've been watching

he's been pushed off the mountain

with the briefcase and he's falling down

right now so

right now the the money's been handed

off it's tumbling very quickly

uh towards that bloody mess over there

the bikers are laughing off zack's story

about kidnappers and the fbi

until he does a few high kicks to prove

that it's all true

suddenly they offer him a ride and uh as

yancey and carl drive away with the

money a bomb goes off on the hill

and yancey moves the money from this

briefcase to a potato sack

as the second bomb goes off scaring the

agents into waiting longer before

checking

where the handoff happened i was so

confused about this plan

in general that was like well we need a

diversion for the handoff

it's like the diversion was after you

get the money you're going to blow up a

bomb will you run away

yeah like look it's like unless the bomb

is exactly where the handoff happened

this wouldn't be a good diversion

because they wouldn't bother to check

there

if they're not they're not looking for

an explosion they're looking for the

people with kids

but if it happened exactly what the

handoff did then they just blew up

dick's unconscious body

well but like why why is an explosion a

distraction to them at all they know

they're supposed to be following you

with the money after the handoff

because they don't even know where those

people went i guess i mean they

they do up to a certain point but now

they're moving all the money out of the

briefcase into a bag

and uh the stoner couple are still

singing the hokey pokey

as they drive away from this uh the lake

campsite and yancey and carl pass them

on the road and toss the empty briefcase

into the bed of the stoner's pickup

the stoners come to a roadblock and get

yanked out of their car

and when the fbi asks where it is in

reference to the briefcase

he hands over a big bag of weed because

he doesn't know what they're talking

about

we cut to that karate demonstration

happening by the lake that i totally

forgot was even a plot point

please tell me all of these kids are

involved in the rescue the bikes roll

through

the presentation and kind of interrupt

what's going on but

the instructor in charge of the

demonstration says that part of karate

is focused and that you need to pay

attention to me and ignore all these

bikes

yancy and carl bring the money back to

the house while jj watches from the dry

riverbed

i'm realizing now that the plan was

always to kill these kids because

they're openly talking about their plans

to head to las vegas in front of them

and they've all shown the kids their

faces and their car and everything

this is officially confirmed when carl

says there is that one other thing

we need to do and ma says well just do

aways for me that's all

one by one all the kids at this karate

demonstration leave with zak to hop

on the back of the bikes i don't know

why they didn't go to the fbi

no or the police he was trying to find

the fbi

and because he asked one stoner where

the fbi was and he couldn't help him

he gave up on the plan of finding the

fbi he's like

what do you want me to do check all

three places they could possibly be

this trailer this trailer or that other

building that are all within walking

distance

no no no i'm gonna skip that i'm gonna

go find my karate friends and get them

to help me and not the adult

karate people yeah just just the kids

or the bikers yeah you have the bikers

with them

the bikers will only go so far the

bikers with ninjas

reach the fbi roadblock the bikers let

all the dragons off and they run up into

the hills

while all the bikes take a u-turn

because there's a bike and the bikers

and the police

don't get along according to right

souffle right but

there's no way the fbi wouldn't pursue

these guys i mean they're looking for

someone who just kidnapped a karate kid

and these guys just dropped off a dozen

karate kids after the ransom money was

handed

off like you would think this was the

returning of the

kids carl's plan for the kids is to just

drop them

in the pit in the cave something that

they should have done

first if that was their plan this whole

time because they never had to prove

that they were alive exchange

plan yeah zack sneaks up on jj

with an army of karate kids and jj is

for some reason pleased

he should have been like this isn't the

fbi like through a smile

yancy loads carol into the car and when

he returns for woody

woody is gone while yancy and carl are

looking for woody we see in the

background just karate kids are hiding

all over the yard

ma gets her shotgun out and trains it on

zach and woody when she finds them in

the house

but they kick her over and she fires

straight through the window

so apparently she's not totally averse

to murdering children yeah she goes like

full madame medusa

and these kids it just starts unloading

shotgun blasts

zach and woody uh instead of finding a

door to leave through

literally just kick the wall off of the

house and the wall happily falls on carl

outside

so they just jump out a karate girl

drops out of a tree and lands on

yancey's shoulders

but then she just gets off and runs away

like she doesn't even finish fighting

him

zack unties carol in the car what is up

with the soundtrack here

it's just like doo

like just happy like driving music very

weird

two karate kids perform a three stooges

sketch with yancy around an outhouse

until zach runs up and jump kicks him in

the back

and he falls through the door and

completely down the toilet of the

outhouse like fully down the drain his

feet disappear

yep that's ridiculous

uh carl's swinging a 2x4 wildly at

children

to try and sweep clear a path to the car

and then

woody yells reach a big [ __ ] or i'll

send you straight to hell

he breaks the board with a kick and the

kids all pile onto carl

ma points a shotgun at a pile of kids i

thought this moment was so great though

when they're just like how can we

incorporate something from like

a karate class into this movie oh i know

let's have him break a board that he's

swinging right yeah

got any cinder blocks no that's too much

ma points a shotgun at a pile of kids

apparently not caring that her son is

under them

and jj throws his fishing hook through

the entire house

and catches it on ma's dress and then he

gives her a good yank right before she

can fire the shotgun

and she accidentally blows a hole in the

awning over the porch which then

collapses on her

and then jj jokes from across the house

i caught a big one

i like that she was her implication was

that i figure i can take out five kids

per barrel

yeah so i'm gonna murder ten children

right here uh just then the fbi pull up

to save the day

back in karate class carol has now

joined the class

and a few kids including zach and woody

are getting belt promotions

zack is now a red belt and woody has

been bumped up to burgundy whatever the

[ __ ] that means

and then jj once again disappears to the

land from which he came

yeah i really wanted his truck to just

fade to invisible

as he left like he was a ghost the whole

time or something but yeah jj applauds

for the doorway and inexplicably turns

to leave before class is over

uh we see the dojo logo as a patch on

the back of his fishing vest as he goes

but outside he does a few shitty karate

kicks

and then he hops into his ice cream

truck and forgets about the kids he

brought to karate practice

no parents in sight no not at all maybe

they just live at the dojo but then

where was

woody at the beginning that he was late

to class

rufus jumps into woody's arms in the

middle of the belt promotion ceremony

and the instructor looks like he's going

to kill someone he's so angry

and that's the end of the film the

director here was curtis hansen

inexplicably uh you know him from l.a

confidential or wonder boys

he also wrote white dog which was

directed by our recent big red one

director samuel fuller

the first i saw of his was the river

wild because i was obsessed with

jurassic park and had to rent everything

that had any of the cast of jurassic

park in it

in this case it was joseph mazzello who

together with

his jurassic park sister ariana richards

were both in kevin bacon films but hers

is much better

do you know what hers is she's in was

she in tremors she is

yeah he also directed losing it eight

mile

and chasing mavericks speaking of

chasing mavericks

for at least a few days he was in

discussions to direct a script

i wrote on commission about competitive

wakeboarding

but the financing kept falling apart and

you

it wrote my choice someone asked for it

to be written and i wrote it

um and they were pursuing him to direct

but

when the money kept falling apart he

moved to chasing mavericks which is i

think a surfing movie

surface yeah and it ended up being his

last

better yeah he passed away uh less than

a year after it came out i think

writer alan armsby uh one of the writers

obviously

the only one with any credits he wrote

my bodyguard which is another 1980 film

we'll be covering

as well as the 1982 cat people

porky's two and the substitute and its

first

two tv movie sequels neither of which

tom behringer came back for

because treat williams played the

substitute substitute

he also has an additional story material

credit for mulan

between those two sequels to the

substitute and more recently he wrote

four episodes of nash bridges

starring one of the leads of our recent

film chichen chong's next movie

cinematographer stephen m katz on this

film before this he was a dp on the pom

pom girls

which features an appearance by our

friend cooper huckabee

i think he mentioned that film as a

reason that tarantino picked him for

django unchained when we spoke with him

on our other podcast

katz also lensed kentucky fried movie

and just after this film

he did blues brothers though that film

wound up being released first

he would later dp for 18 again gods and

monsters and baby geniuses

charles lane played jj he played a real

estate salesman and it's a wonderful

life

and nosey and mr smith goes to

washington so he's got a couple of uh

jimmy stewart rolls

uh he's also constable lock in the music

man

and the attorney in the aristocats the

one who goes

he loves that character grandpa jj is

the voice of that character

oh that's great ann southern was angel

she's the mother

of the two uh hillary right

i don't recall her ever being said her

name

yeah having said her name but that's who

it is that's who it is

uh she plays rita phipps in a letter to

three wives

and she's also the voice of the car on

my mother the car

chris peterson played zach his only

other credit worth mentioning i think is

hal in the swarm killer bee movie that

we bring up as often as we can

and pat peterson his real life brother

was playing woody

his karate brother joey the kid who

stole

his mom's kitchen knife to kill a

30-foot alligator in alligator

that was woody oh really yeah that was

the same kid yep joe spinell was yancy

who we've already had this year as a

rapist cop

in cruising lieutenant spinel in the

ninth configuration

floyd in brubacher squeezit henderson's

absentee father in the forbidden zone

and this is his fifth appearance but

he'll be back for melvin and howard and

the first deadly sin for this year alone

reminder we will be touching on maniac

but in the us it didn't premiere until

march of 81

so we'll get to that one i know it says

1980 on imdb

john davis chandler played carl he was

bleak

in adventures in babysitting i don't

remember who bleek is but i'm gonna

guess somebody at the like the mechanic

shop or something

i don't know one of the bad guys for

sure he plays charlie in mako the jaws

of death

and he was the first bounty hunter in

the outlaw josie wales

clifford a pillow p-e-l-l-o-w

played the sheriff he was alan in blue

thunder

he plays turk in the hustler and he's

guzman

in magnum force probably guzman

not luis guzman yeah stephen young

played lunsford

i'm guessing that's the fbi agent uh yes

he

played captain chester p hanson in

patton he's gilbert

in soylent green and he plays the

interior decorator in who's harry crum

pat e johnson plays karate instructor i

think that's the one from their actual

class not the one from the demonstration

and he played a hood and entered the

dragon we had him earlier this year as

aura haley's bodyguard and tom horn and

he'll be back for battle creek brawl in

1980.

he also plays the referee in all three

karate kid movies

no so he probably is a actual yes

instructor

uh that makes sense bong soo han the

karate master

probably the guy leading the

demonstration by the lake

he plays dr khan in a fistful of yen

which is a segment from the kentucky

fried movie from the same dp

he'll also be back next year as reverend

ree in force five

and he also taught karate on the sets of

billy jack and cleopatra

jones donnie williams played the

motorcycle leader

he'll be back later this year as spear

in battle creek brawl

and before this he was josh lawrence in

a force of one

an oddsmaker and breaker breaker which

is fun to say

altogether he's also an uncredited

karate instructor and enter the dragon

so i think he's actually

a karate instructor that they probably

had interviewed to be the karate

instructor for the class and

because they wanted people who knew what

they were doing and then gave him this

other role

uh tony bill plays niles we've seen this

guy before

i don't remember who niles was in the

movie is he the guy

singing at the hootenanny no cause that

the hootenanny has a hootenanny emcee

is is he the stoner he's just credited

as he's maybe the younger

uh no because stoner has a credit too

maybe maybe he's the other fbi agent

because

oh you know what he's probably the guy

in this surveillance van uh but he has

an oscar for producing the sting

he was the executive producer of this

film and he plays terry hawthorne the

president of warner brothers in peewee's

big adventure

and we had him earlier this year as dick

[ __ ] spacex crappy rich boyfriend at

the beginning of heartbeat

oh we didn't mention um carol sally

boyden

that's correct we didn't uh she's a

pretty famous australian singer

is she um yeah uh it's like i had heard

the name before

and i was like sally boyden and i don't

know music as you know but for some

reason this name stuck out for me

but yeah she's got uh uh quite a few

like a discography and everything

huh does it say what her like best known

song is or

um let's see solo album i don't know

what emi

means uh become in 1998.

uh she had an album in 1977.

um so i think that's why she was doing

so much singing in this movie because

she was probably known as a singer

really she didn't come across as a

singer in this movie

but they put her on stage and she's

saying but unimpressively yeah i'm just

saying she's just saying the way a kid

sings

what didn't seem like it was like a good

showcase if that's what it was supposed

to be

well maybe she was put on the spot yeah

uh but yeah

singer or uh wikipedia has her singer

songwriter actress

she got better uh this movie's not

great but that third act though holy

[ __ ] that was pretty cool actually

i really liked the kids storming the the

shack

and uh i liked you know ma's turn

to suddenly be a complete psychopath i

wasn't really expecting them to have a

plot to kill the kids

yeah i think i was totally blown away

when it got so wacky that

grandpa is literally fishing for the

woman with a shotgun

to prevent her from killing 10 children

but i think that the whole movie should

have been that way

from the start like i don't think i like

could people have taken that no

you would have had you would have needed

like an ambulance in the parking lot

because that would be ridiculous but

yeah it got wacky enough for me at the

end where i was like

i i approve of this message i'm i'm not

giving it a thumbs up

it's not that it's not that we're seeing

unless you're like a you know you're

you're a big

no no there's no unless you're a there's

no there is

if you if you're a curtis hanson fan

which they're those people exist

i don't even if you're a curtis hansen

fan i don't know that you should bother

to watch this i feel like there's

lessons

to be learned when you watch l.a

confidential and you're like i could

never direct something like that and

you're like oh yeah

watch karate kids usa aka the little

dragons aka dragons aka karate kids

and you'll realize how far you can come

over the course build a career

yeah you can get to the point where

you're directing l.a confidential

but watch this movie and tell me that

you couldn't have directed it

and i won't believe you spent like 10

000 hours on this movie because it got

a lot better after this

well i mean it was almost 20 years

before la confidential came out and that

was like his big breakaway hit

i mean he had stuff along the way like i

said the river wild but even even that's

not great

i mean i didn't hate it but that's

because i

was biased in favor of joseph mazzello

films at the time

what do we think just up or down on this

one

uh well it's it's a it's a down yeah

richard yeah it's gonna be a down for me

yeah um i'm

debating on how far down i want to put

it on my list

i think it's number one well it's funny

to me because you you're just saying

that you needed to put honeysuckle rose

into your

list in order to be complete you're like

this will be nowhere near yet it's

actually pretty near that for me

oh yeah well i put honeysuckle rose

pretty low but

um yeah uh it's uh it's gonna be two

below that one for me it is

below the happy hooker goes to hollywood

but above effects which is

let's see 12 from the bottom 12 from the

bottom what do you think on your list

um i have this as a number 60

on my list of uh 84 7584

uh it comes right after rough cut

but just before holy moses okay it's a

little higher than i expected

is this better or worse than honeysuckle

rose see that's what i was saying it's

actually pretty close to honeysuckle

rose

i think it goes under for for me this is

getting this is going right under

honeysuckle rose

well it definitely goes under because

honeysuckle rose at least had willie

nelson music

okay yeah it's going under honeysuckle

rose and above fatso for me

which is pretty low i think it's lower

than you had at richard

i'm trying i'm trying to find out where

it is

so that's 68th place for me

that's where that goes 68 out of 84.

which you said 63 or something like that

60 even 60.

i think i have made it 72 though mine's

a little lower

you you win the hating this movie

contest i didn't want to watch this

movie i tried to convince you guys that

we should cut it

well you were mistaken because it's been

fun to review it just wasn't fun to

watch

but i think that is everything for this

one officially if you guys have any

thoughts you'd like to share with us we

are vintagevideopod on twitter facebook

instagram and letterboxed where as i've

said before you can find each of our

full movie rankings for the year

we can also be found at

vintagevideopodcast.com

please consider rating us on itunes to

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vintage video podcast and on that note

i'd like to make a special shout out to

the tennis podcast thank you so much for

your itunes review

thank you so much for listening and i

hope you'll join us next time when we'll

be discussing prom

night which imdb describes like so at a

high school senior prom a masked killer

stalks four

teenagers who were responsible for the

accidental death of a classmate

six years previously we leave you now

with a trailer

for prom night there's a special night

in the lives of all of us a night to be

beautiful

to be desirable a night we can break all

the rules

and make our own brown night

everyone at hamilton high is getting

ready for prom night

it's a day of rehearsals arrangements

final preparations

and last-minute phone calls

they're too old for games but someone

still

wants to play

[Music]

tonight someone has come to the prom

alone

someone who watches in the silent

corridors

someone who waits until no one

can help prom night

wow if you're not back by midnight

you won't be coming home